STOP Letting Your Past Hold You Back From An INCREDIBLE Future | LOGIC on Impact Theory | Transcription

Transcription for the video titled "STOP Letting Your Past Hold You Back From An INCREDIBLE Future | LOGIC on Impact Theory".

1970-01-02T22:05:09.000Z

Note: This transcription is split and grouped by topics and subtopics. You can navigate through the Table of Contents on the left. It's interactive. All paragraphs are timed to the original video. Click on the time (e.g., 01:53) to jump to the specific portion of the video.


Introduction

Intro (00:00)

So when I was a kid on his come up like, I'm fucking broke, like sucks, like my family ain't shit, blah, blah, blah. People were like, yeah, yeah. And then now my shit has changed. It's like I have to juggle millions of dollars in personal relationships. Can people just want the young, hungry version of me from 10 years ago and da, da, da, and I write this out because it's what I'm going through. For me, it was never about that. It was always about explaining and expressing my emotions so that I could deal with it. Bobby Hall, AKA Logic, joining us today. Welcome, man. What's up?


Personal Struggles And Triumphs

Identity (00:43)

Dude, I am super excited to be interviewing you. I read your book, "This Bright Future," your memoir. It was startling. I had no idea what your history was like. So I knew your music. Didn't know how much of your music was autobiographical and how much was persona generated. So reading the book was quite the eye-opening experience. The real thing that I want to start with is identity and how we're created really by three things-- our genetics, which you've certainly had an interesting road there in terms of public reaction. Family that we grow up in, which the book was revelatory in terms of what your childhood was like. And then ultimately, the story that we tell ourselves about who we are. And there, you've got Bobby Hall. You've also got your alter ego of logic. And then you've got other sub-egos under that that you've wrapped from the perspective of as well. And so I'm just curious, in the light of the memoir, how do you think about how you became the person that you are and what the alter ego was meant to do for you in your life? What a great question. And I also really appreciate you actually reading it, because you know you do some things in your work. Everything is new in your work. This is great. Yeah, and somebody telling them what half of what went on. OK, so yes, having parents addicted to drugs and alcohol and witnessing abuse and death and crazy stuff, you would think I would go down that path. I would wind up like my parents had, which is sad and unfortunate, really. And I think I-- well, I know it's got to be in the book, because there's no way I would write it without putting it in there. But I think God in common sense, first and foremost, and whatever God even is, you know what I mean? Like I respect religion and people's religion, but I don't know. But I'd like to think there's something bigger, not necessarily Skydad, just like a white dude on the cloud. But anyway, so I think yes, just this common sense of like, oh, let's not shoot up heroin. Hey, let's not smoke crack in front of our children, or, you know, let's not put a gun in this 11-year-old kid's hand. Just little things like little things, but little things like that that I look back on. And I just was like, this isn't right. There was some weird voice in my head, and it was like, don't do this thing. And I think that matched with my wanting to escape, and then trying to find, OK, how can I escape? And the first real escape from that was obviously television entertainment, things that I love, anime. But the real escape, while healing at the same time, was music, because, you know, it's not-- I've never just been a rapper that's like, yeah, bitches and hoes and this and that, you know? Like, I'm just-- this is not who I am. So for me, I could take my music and write about my dad smoking crack, or write about my mom's bipolar and borderline schizophrenia, write about my abuse, write about my anxiety. And that was a big one, you know? Because like, it's a little cooler nowadays to be like, yeah, man, I've got anxiety, man. When I was coming up and hip-hop, even just in these last five years, it was not cool. I would get made fun of for talking about my emotions and my feelings and my this and my that. But I could give a damn. For me, it was always first and foremost, something that I put in place to be able to express myself so that I wouldn't put a bullet in my head, to keep it, to be frank with you, you know what I mean? So I-- yeah, common sense, sorry for the long-winded answer. I think a bit of God common sense, and then utilizing this alter ego to vocalize it, and in doing so, it was extremely therapeutic. Do you remember when you first started thinking about identity?


Deciding to Write About his Memoir (05:04)

Did you ever think about it? Was it conscious? Did it just happen? Because certainly in the book, you talk a lot about, you know, there's this moment where you begin to realize, like you said, that this stuff is fucked up and that you don't want to go down that path. But I'm curious, you know, so before I do an interview, I always start just journaling about what I found interesting and what, you know, you start with an emotion, right? So reading your book gave me an extraordinarily strong emotion, and I highly encourage people to read it. Maybe your-- the intimate fans will have known a lot of this stuff, but it was really a surprise to me. And so you step back and you try to put words to what it is that that feeling is. And so I started thinking about, you really are this fascinating collision of all the different ways that we make up our identity. And was there a moment where you became aware of that, like that you needed to take control of that narrative? Or did it just God common sense, and that's how we ended up here? If you want to talk about real control of like a narrative of my life, I know you don't necessarily-- maybe you didn't mean it exactly like this, but for me, at 31, only now do I feel like I'm actually taking a control of the narrative of Bobby Hall or Logic or my public perception or whatever the hell that means. Because I've actually decided to write about it completely unfiltered, you know what I mean? I mean, there's even a section of the book where I discuss my Joel moment, "Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind," where he killed a bird with an interaction that I had with a mentally challenged child, and I was young as well. And I used different words, because back then, we used different words. And I think, for me, being able to get all of this out is the first time in my life where I don't feel like I'm constantly fighting to prove my identity to anybody else. Because one, there was nobody on the receiving end. Do you know what I mean? So I'm sitting here and I'm writing this book, and I'm like, this is the truth, this is my truth, this is what I went through, this is what it is. In music, and my come up as a musician, it was always, you know, hey guys, like I'm a rapper, no you're not. What do you mean? You're white. Oh, well, oh, I'm not white, my dad's black, and then it always goes into this thing about race, and then it goes into having to prove my identity or blackness or black thereof, or this or that, or whatever the case may be. So it wasn't until, and I hope I'm answering your question, but it wasn't until this project, you know, this memoir that I felt this is my identity, and there's nobody really there to tell me that it's not. There will be, you know, once it comes out. It's all comes out, yeah. Yeah, but I mean, the coolest part is it's like, it's just different. I don't know how to explain it. It's the first time in my life where I just don't feel like I have to. And also, it's like I'm 31. I know I'm young, but I'm older. I'm not a 22 year old kid trying to make it in rap and hip hop and gossip and this and all this other stuff. It's just like, hey man, like if you take it or leave it, like you might not have to, you don't have to like it, but it's true. And I hate that so much of it is that it is true. Everything I went through, the state of the world, race relations, like it all sucks, but rather than run, I chose to talk about it and finally get everything off my chest, especially about people in my life who had a lot to do with my identity and my upbringing who may not like how they are described in this book, but at the end of the day, it's like I didn't do it from a place of malice, anger. I just was telling the truth and it was all very awesome. And I'm very glad that I did it. It was gonna ask was the book, is the act of writing this stuff cathartic in some way? - For sure. So I actually had a partner, a collaborator who helped me piece it together. You know what I mean? So it's like I'd be writing and working on this thing and going over it and it was kind of cool to have a person there to bounce these things off and then find out the placement of it. Because when I'm writing and I'm going through all this, I'm not really going from the beginning to the end. It's kind of like, oh, here's a crazy moment in my life where my mom got stabbed. Here's a crazy moment where my sister was sexually assaulted in the bed next to me when I was a child. Here's like the craziest stuff and then putting it together with also like, I don't know, just smoking weed for the first time. Like just trying to figure out how to do that and then put it together. And in doing so, yes, it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced. Because my dad and all the abuse I'd gone through, there was for sure anger. It's not like it was when I was young, when you're all young and pissed off and just like whatever. But there was still like, man, how could you do this? Like I look at my son, my baby, my little Bobby and I could never leave him alone in a car for five hours while I go smoke crack. I could never look him in the eyes and tell him that he's not my son because I'm smoking crack and he doesn't want to be around that. Like it's just the craziest stuff, but it wasn't anger. It was more like, I mean, it was first and foremost, forgiveness. Being able to write this, it was like, I've forgiven my mom for the things that she said to me and my dad and all of these people in my life, but living it through it in incredible detail again gave me a piece I've never felt before. - That's actually really interesting to hear.


Research About How to Process Trauma (11:37)

So there's a lot of different research around, okay, so how do we process through trauma? And there are schools of thought that are like, "Hey, you need to write this out." And you're finally able to go through the actual business of processing it. Other people are like, "No, no, no. "Now you're reliving it, you're resumenting it. "You might even be," 'cause the way that the brain works, it's actually pretty fascinating.


The Memory Obsolete Sleep Connection (11:56)

The brain, when it pulls forth a memory, it takes it into working memory, it will adjust it and then restore it back in long-term memory. So you can actually change the shape of a memory over time, which is pretty powerful. - Wow. - But then you also have, oh dude, it's purely insane. And then when you look at things like the mechanism of sleep, a big part of why we sleep is to strip a memory of its emotional resonance, but people with PTSD, their cortisol levels remain elevated while they sleep. So as they relive this trauma, it never removes the emotional impact. And so that's where you get into things like MDMA therapy and psychedelic therapy, where you're able to completely recontextualize that memory in a totally different neurological state. It's pretty fascinating. - So that you will then in turn feel differently emotionally? - Yeah, yeah. - Like kind of taking that pain away.


Andrews panic attacks when away from home (12:55)

- Yes, one thing you talk about in the book that I think is particularly relevant to MDMA treatment is, so the idea with a lot of the things you talk about in the book are, "Hey, I would be at home and I would get these panic attacks if I went out, which is weird because like my mom is part of the problem and but yet being away from her was all I knew. So I'd get panicky." But then when I was living in a house with people that made me feel safe, I didn't have any of those problems. And part of the hypothesis around MDMA treatment is that you're calling forth a traumatic memory while you're awash in serotonin, because basically serotonin, which makes you feel good and safe and like everything's okay, love, connection, all of that causes these massive spikes in serotonin. So you relive this traumatic memory in this connected loving sort of whole neurochemical state. And because of the way memory storage works, you're now putting it back into long-term memory with this new sort of feeling of wholeness and safety and all of this, which is absolutely fascinating and gets into my obsession with your story and this idea of we construct ourselves somewhat, our environment constructs us, our genetics construct us right. We're not born blank slates. We aren't just the product of our environment. And there's this third element around storytelling. For those who don't know, like it's, people need to read the fucking book. So first of all, you don't do anything to make yourself sound cool. So in the end, you're able to, as the reader look back on what you've accomplished and just be like, God damn, like even stripping all the bravado away from it, it's amazing. So one, you've obviously got to come up as a rapper, but you're a number one New York Times best-selling author of a fucking novel.


1 bestselling author 1 platinum artist (14:37)

You've sold out Madison Square Garden, platinum selling artists. I mean, it's really, it's really pretty extraordinary. And to me, the whole time you've been playing with the sense of who am I, how do I present myself to the world? How do I present myself to myself? And now in the memoir, in the way that you wrap everything up and presented, it's really pretty breathtaking in terms of your ability to say it from a place of forgiveness. - Well, God damn, I never thought of myself that way. It was really, it's just really weird.


Thalia (15:18)

I never thought like, oh yeah, platinum, selling artists, massive square garden, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, like I just, I never thought about that. And I also think a big part of that, which I do discuss in the book, is the fact that no matter what I do, it's always never good enough in the eyes of not necessarily just hip hop, but entertainment in general, you know what I mean? It's not good enough. You're gonna, okay, you got, you know, you got a couple of followers on Twitter, but you can't do a show and then you do a show. Okay, yeah, 50 people showed up, but 500 people didn't show it, and then 500 people show it. And then 5,000 people, and then 25,000 people. And then it's like, okay, yeah, but you ain't got no album, you know, okay, but the album's not platinum, okay. And that starts to ingrain into your head. And it's not just the, just music. I mean, it's life, right? It's like, okay, you have no high school diploma, and then you get high school, yeah, but you didn't go to college, and you didn't go to college. Yeah, but you don't have your masters, and you get your masters. And then before you know it, you're fucking like 80 years old, and you didn't live your life, you know what I mean? And I think, I think I'm really lucky to have discovered that at a young age, you know, because 31 is young, but my life is a lot just slower now, because I've been able to look back while creating this book and realize that basically the goals I had as a young man and a musician and a creative person were bullshit. So like, even though they were real, sorry, I keep cussing.


Beneath the accomplishments (16:35)

Anyway, even though, okay, fuck yeah. So look, even though they were real, and they make sense, you know, like, okay, I want to put out an album. I want to sell a certain amount my first week or do this or do that. It was just this hamster wheel that never stopped. And I think, I just feel like that's very unhealthy. I never once patted myself on the back or said, good job. But that's also because I was constantly being berated online, and this was like the revolution of the internet. You know, I came up in a place where like a year before, if you didn't have a record deal and weren't Britney Spears and on MTV, like there's no way you were making it. And then it was me and a few, you know, amazing people, Mac Miller, J Cole, Kendrick Lamar, utilizing the internet and going, oh, we don't need them. All we have to do is say, hey, world, here we are. Look, check us out by being on Twitter and Instagram and YouTube and doing things and utilizing it ourselves. But when you're doing that, you're then opening your whole world up to the, you know, YouTube comments and other people who are trying to say what they would do if they were you. And it can just, it's very berated, you know, it's like extremely difficult to hear thousands of people tell you that you suck while you're doing amazing. And the analytics are there and the numbers are there to prove that every song, every album, every this is getting better and better and better. And I think in a way, it's kind of like a correlation to my life personally growing up. You know, I would, I was like, I don't really want to shoot this gun. And then my friends are like, oh, you're a pussy. Like, you know what I mean? And it's like, no, I don't think I want to sell crack to my dad like my brothers did. And people are like, man, like it's just a really, it's a really crazy thing. But I'm happy that I'm here.


Getting berated amongst constant improvement (18:42)

I hope I don't sound like I'm all over the place right now. It's just a weird thing. When I'm making, I'm sorry to cut you off, but when I make an album, it's like, this is what the album was, this is what it was like to produce it. This is what, but to talk about my life, it's a weird, it's very overwhelming. Sorry. - No, I think it's, it's really important that you put the book out. So obviously one of your biggest, most acclaimed songs, the 1-800 song about, you know, feeling suicidal and the number of people that I'm sure that that helped and that came up to you and said, hey, because of your music, you know, I hung on. And I think after reading your book, it's, I think it's gonna open the minds of, however many people I don't know, but the people for whom it will open a window into what you can become despite where you've started is going to be really extraordinary. Reading the book, dude, it's literally one, it's well written. - Thanks. - It's a lit me of just unrelenting punishment and dysfunction and yeah, I mean, it was really crazy to hear the kind of things that you went through.


Putting A Team Together (19:46)

So for you to be able to open it, open up to that, to talk about it, to come on, to interview, to not posture, to really just lay it out and say, but at the same time, I had a goal. I built a family of people that I collected along the way. And there's a moment in the book that I think is really, really important. And that's where you go from being a kid and not feeling like you controlled anything in your life, feeling like you're sort of battered about by the waves of life. And then it starts in a dark moment where you stand up to your mom. But then from there, it becomes you putting a team together, realizing that this thing that you were doing online and in forums of like, I think it was, was it rap battles written? Were you just like typing things out? And realizing you could build something. - I think the thing for me is I never realized that I was doing it. I didn't realize that it was happening. I didn't realize that I was building a family. I never had a family. I mean, I did, but I didn't. I didn't have even anything close to a traditional family. So while feeling like Annie, waiting for the sun to come out tomorrow, like I was just started rapping. And even while rapping, I was still surrounded by negativity and violence and all these things. But slowly, little by little, you meet one person, who's not really about anything going on in my world and negativity and drugs and whatever the case may be. And I was like, wow, this person gets me and I love where this person is. And that's like a producer, like my boy six. And then you find someone else who also has a dream to be a giant movie director one day, but they're just a guy with a Canon camera in their hand. And that was gravity who was making all my videos on my come up for free and so on and so forth. I meet Lenny, who's my best friend and my brother who ended up giving me my rap name. And you kind of don't realize it and then you just wake up one day and you're surrounded by 20 people, whether it's the people on your tour and your assistant and you're this and you're that. And there was days when I'd kind of look in the mirror and I'd be like, you know, everyone is in my pocket though. So like, do these people really love me? You know, but it's like, of course they do. Like we, it's a system that doesn't work without each other. Like I could, I never looked at myself and was like, oh, I'm the star man, like blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, no, if I'm acting like a douche, well, this producer buddy of mine, he's just gonna go make beats for someone else. And this videographer will make videos for someone else. So it was never that. We never, none of us ever had that mentality. It was about all utilizing our own talents because if I make it, they make it. And if we all make it, then we did it. So it was, it's just a very weird thing to have woken up one day, surrounded by a new group of people that are the complete opposite of every single person that I grew up with. And that's no slight to those people that I grew up with. And I make that very clear in this book. But yeah, yeah.


Enjoying Each Phase (23:11)

- One of the lines that you said in the book that I thought is it captures that come up so well is you were talking about the people you were just saying that you had gathered around you and everybody had their role. And you said, we were all working so hard because none of us wanted to be the one that led everybody else down. And I just thought, man, that goes back to that, so you see all these movies, a star is born, whatever about these people that are on the come up and you realize, and this is the same in business where the time that you will look back on, the most fondly is when you're coming up and you think like, oh my God, we might actually make it. But before it gets big, that fucking moment is so magical. And I'm always telling the people on my team, like you have to enjoy each phase for what it has to offer because every phase is fun. Like when Lisa and I, my wife were broke and clipping coupons and like tracking blockbuster rentals, like who's 299 was this? You know what I mean? Like that's going on somebody's list. And those moments when you're in them, it's you can get lost in it's hard. You can get lost in like, yo, I'm worried about paying my bills. But then when you start to get successful, some part of your brain is like, that was rad. Like she believed in me and we were together and like we fought this fight together. And so I got to a point in my life where I could realize while it was happening, I don't love XYZ part of it. But I want to focus on the parts that when I know I'm looking back on the center to remember it so that I can actually live it and enjoy it. And one, seeing you talk about that kind of stuff in the book, those transitional moments that become like these really beautiful things. And now as you're putting the book out, you're in that next transitional moment. I mean, I assume you're far too creative, whether it's writing, whether it's filmmaking, whether it's music or whatever that you're going to keep producing stuff. How do you think about that now?


Kinds Influences Mike and How He Would Love to Collaborate with Him (25:12)

I love this question, man. This is good shit. That is exactly where I am. OK, so when I was in the basement, like I'll never forget going to my best friend, Lenny, who I'd only known for like maybe two years. And not having a place to live and him letting me live with him. Right? So he's letting me live with him in his basement. And it's like mom's upstairs and he's just an amazing guy. And it's like, I should have a job. I'm like 21. Like I should be paying rent. I should be this. But I had this conversation with him where I was like, look, man, like if you just give me one year, dude, I know this sounds crazy. But if you give me one year and in that year, he clothed me, he fed me, he took care of me. Like he made sure I had soap to wash my ass. Like this dude like literally took care of me. And almost a year to the day, I signed a major label deal with Def Jam. And he quit his job as a land surveyor for 12 years. And we moved to Lala land and it was like incredible. But every day was terrifying because it's like, hey man, just give me a year. And it's like for me, those days we're going so quick. And I hated it in the moment, but I loved it at the same time. And what I mean is like, I hated that, I don't know, one of my songs didn't just blow up immediately. I hated that it felt like forever. I hated that it felt like it wouldn't happen. That it felt like it could happen at any moment, but it was actually happening very slowly. It was a slow burn, you know? It's a marathon, but every young person wants to sprint, you know? I mean, speaking of Lala land, I mean, wasn't that director like 19 or something when he made that movie? Like, we all want that, you know? And as I got older and as things were happening, and I don't want to get too, you know, dive too deep, but it's like every goal I would attain, I was then on to the next one. So because I was just on to the next goal, while working on that thing, so for example, get a record deal. Boom, I got a record deal. So now the next goal is release an album. Okay, so then I'm thinking, I'm working on the album, and I know that I'm going to release that album, but then after that, I have to do a successful tour. So then I'm thinking about, I'm thinking like three goals ahead, and in all of it, I am ignoring everything in front of me. I'm ignoring the beautiful quality time that I'm spending with my friends in a studio. I'm ignoring the fact that I was damn near agoraphobic and scared of the world and scared to go outside out of fear of a million and one things that could happen to me or the people I love. And here I am just a few years later, traveling and eating in the Eiffel Tower, but I'm not thinking about it. So in present day, I finally have made this leap as an actor and a writer. And long story short, I'm actually writing a film right now that I'm going to star in and I'm going to fund it. I'm going to do it myself. And everyone's like, you're crazy. And I'm like, fuck you, Kevin Smith, bitch. I'm about to kill this. So, but it is scary to do it. And recently, by now, I think that all the episodes will be out for a show called Mr. Korman on Apple TV, starring Joseph Gordon Levitt. And I don't know how I did, but somehow me and him became friends and we've been friends for a few years and long story short, I had an opportunity to audition for this crazy character that an entire episode is about. And it is the first thing I'd ever done as an actor. And he was the first one to actually believe in me that I could do this. And I'm on set and I'm freaking out and I'm talking to my buddy, Mike. Mike Holland, he's my producer at a Bible Boy Productions. Shout out, Mike. And Mike is like my six, my producer back in the day. Only now, here I am, then I was 30 on this show. Doing something I've only ever dreamed of doing. And I found myself saying, slow down, because I'm talking to Mike, like, dude, we got to do a movie and I need more roles and blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, wait a second. I'm more of a fucking movie set right now. Like I stopped myself and was like, dude, like, I was going, I was running these lines and committing them to memory when my wife was in labor. Like she just needed a distraction from the pain. And I'm like, talking about chili pepper songs. And it's like, you know, this dialogue and stuff like that. And it was one of the most surreal moments because I realized what I had stripped from myself of being present and in the moment and enjoying the ride, even though I was terrified because I was broke in Lenny's basement, I could now, in another form, like you had said, another form of creativity, another chapter of my life, I could actually enjoy it. That is really interesting. So going on to coping mechanisms, we'll call it. So I'm curious to know, I had a guy on the show that I interviewed that had been just sexually abused in ways too horrific to even catalog. And he now teaches people how to construct an alter ego.


Conquering Dystonia And Finding A Voice

Directed Shambles as an Alter Ego (30:36)

And in the book, you talk about Batman. You say, Bruce Wayne is just Bruce Wayne, but Batman gets to beat the Joker's ass or whatever you said. And, you know, in some ways, logic had become that alter ego for you so that you could overcome some of this stuff and get out and do the things you do, I mean, to perform in front of that many people, I imagine, when you're two days ago, you're a chlorophobic, is it's a pretty big bridge to cross. So an utterly fascinating coping mechanism that I think has some scientific validity to it. Now, as you go into acting, as you're writing the book, do you have a new coping mechanism or do you use similar things where it's like, 'cause I remember when I was really afraid to public speak, I would do what I call pushing my-- No way, no fucking way. I'm sorry to interrupt you. You had a problem with public speaking? I don't-- I used to be crippled by anxiety, crippled. Wow. Wow. So yeah, we all have our stories. So do you use a coping mechanism now, or have you just integrated this all so well that you're very attuned to calming yourself down? Oh, no, I'm a fucking wreck. You know, I honestly-- I haven't spoken too much about this, but I just found out recently I have cervical dystonia. Do you know what this is? I've only heard about it through you. Okay. Oh, wow. Well, yeah.


About cervical dystonia. (32:07)

So it's a neurological disorder, which basically either can cause a person's head to turn in one direction, and it's kind of stuck in that direction unless they use like a sensory tick. And for me, I have a tremor, a head tremor, and it goes in a no motion, and I cannot control it. And it causes me a lot of pain. So I know this is-- I guess for me, when it comes to these endeavors of acting and writing scripts and all this stuff, the alter ego is the character, right? So it's like, I'm writing a character.


Borba's alter ego is the character. (32:51)

So it's never really me, right? You know, maybe somebody could say, talk about my performance or whether it was good or bad or this or that personally, Bobby Hall's performance. But when I'm creating, it's always as that. So even when I'm writing, right, I am pretending in my head that I am these characters, you know, if I'm writing from the perspective of a woman, well, I don't go, okay, well, what would a woman say? No, I go, what would a fucking human being say, you know, a badass chick? What would she say? She's just a person. And the thing that rips me from this, the fear that I have is that I can't control my head from shaking. And so for the last two years, I haven't written anything. I haven't really sat down. I mean, with the exception of this book and sat at a table the way that I like to sit at a table normally without my head doing this, which is shaking back and forth, which causes me extreme emotional pain, which also stems from the fact that when I was a young boy, I would see the elderly shaking and it fucking freaked me out. It scared me so bad. And then now I'm dealing with this thing. I think it's crazy that, you know, as we're having a conversation and you're talking to me, I'm doing everything that I can to listen to you while also wondering, are your viewers watching my head shake and wondering why? Do they think I'm nervous? Do they think I'm weird? Is it weird that I'm sitting on a couch at a certain angle and turning my head while trying to hold this and put my arm back here to look as normal as this is the shit in my head? And I wish all I had to worry about was the creative aspect of it. Now here's the funny part. There's always going to be some shit back in the basement. I was broke with my mom, you know, and what I was going through. I was on welfare and food stamps and, you know, my stepdad slitting his Achilles heel open and bleeding profusely all over the kitchen floor while my mom was hauled off by the cops or when she was in a psych ward and I was all alone with my sisters. There's always something. And so part of the reason that I bring this up is to say, I don't know, I mean, I know it's a little odd, but just to say, like, there's always going to be something in our lives. There's always going to be something that isn't right, but we can't let it stop us from doing what we love. And if anything, no, I don't think I need a character for me, in a sense, to write that flows. But the antagonist is for sure this physical ailment that I've been dealing with. Yeah, that I know the way that things like that can drip on your mind, where, in fact, that was when I used to get before I had real anxiety, when I used to just get sort of average everyday nervous, I remember thinking, the only thing I'm actually nervous about is that someone will hear that quaver in my voice. I was like, if there was no external thing that people could pick up on, I would never worry about it. But it is only the fact that then people are going to, like you said, are they paying attention to my voice? Can they hear that I'm really freaked out right now? So I definitely get that. And that really does then it takes some significant portion of your attention and your brain is on that instead of whatever it is you're trying to do. As you think about that, so obviously one of the mechanisms you have is just to talk about it and be honest about it, which I think is really, really smart. What's already taken that so much off of even just saying that in this particular interview, you know that you have to move forward, you've got a passion for acting, you're not going to let it stop you. So do you have a strategy for dealing with that? Neurological disorders, there's not really a lot of medical advancement because so much of it is non-life threatening, right? So because of that modern medicine and science and everything is more focused on like during cancer and all these things, which makes sense. The only real thing that's, and I've tried physical therapy and I will continue to try it, but is Botox injections, which is hilarious because, you know, I'm not a Kardashian, that's a joke. Anyway, so what I'm saying is this like Botox was actually created for dystonia, which I didn't realize to aid in pain. It also helps with migraines, but what it does is it weakens the muscle. So I'll have a young ass look in neck. That's another bad joke, but it's actually deep. It's much, you know, deeper than the surface to weaken the muscle to stop it from contracting because you have these two muscles that are just doing this because they're fighting each other like here, but if you slightly pull that, then it'll stop.


His own strategy for dealing with dystonia. (37:41)

My fear, and it's so funny that we're even talking about this right now, but my fear is actually being on screen. So it's even when I look back on the Mr. Korman shoot that I did, nobody knew what was going on in my head, nope, I'm not intended, but I was thinking about it constantly where all these other actors could just be normal nervous and be worried about forgetting their lines or flubbing, whatever the case may be. I wasn't thinking about any of that shit. Like, you know, this guy's in front of me, and he's running a line and I know it because I am a sick bastard and go to sleep, wake up, shower, go on a run, and I'm constantly going over these lines because it's that important to me. But really, all I'm thinking about is what is the best position to look at this gentleman in front of me so that I don't shake, or how can I do this kind of neurological trick to trick my brain by touching the side of my face. But then further still, how can I do that and make it seem as though my character is just doing that naturally while having a conversation. This is the shit that scares me, man, because I think about the fact that I want to start in this movie that I'm writing, and I'm like purposefully not trying to write like stares ahead intensely. Like, you know what I mean? So that my head doesn't shake. And it's crazy. And I know it's kind of a first world problem at this point. But I guess, you know, I think the reason we're talking about it right now is because, yes, so many people have underlining things that they deal with personally that nobody else would know. And it's torture, man. It scares me. It scares me. What if I've given this to my son? What if it becomes extremely debilitating and I become a burden to my, my wife and my family? But at the same time, yellow, I have to focus on the present. I have to look back on what I wish I could have been focusing on in the basement. What I have right now is my health. I am able to sit and have a conversation and most people don't really notice it. And I will be damned if I allow it to stop me from writing or doing these things just because it's like someone's poking you 24/7. You got to live with it. Adaptation. It's one of our mankind's greatest features, I believe. So that's where I'm at with it. There's going to be really interesting to watch you. I feel like one of the things, there's a subset of artists that, and I, while I, I'll put myself in this basket though, the way that I address it is more through business than artistry.


Sean's transitions and willingness to share his struggles (40:12)

But because I feel like I've learned everything the hard way in my life, I feel the sense of like, yo, you can actually solve these problems. And so I want to help other people learn easily what took me great pains to learn. And so watching you, watching the transition, seeing how, one, seeing how good you got at rap, which is really quite extraordinary, watching you deal with all the criticism around race and all of that. And now watching you transition into writing, which of course everybody told you you wouldn't be able to do. It's so it's like, you know, watching all these transitions. And now, you know, obviously I wouldn't wish upon you that it's more difficult for you than the next person. But as somebody who's already established themselves as somebody that is of tremendous use to other people, because you're willing to talk about it, because you, you know, have created all these strategies for dealing with things, yeah, it'll be interesting to watch how you continue to give to other people as you go through this. Just, just one thing I do want to say, which I think is really funny, you kind of saying, you know, yeah, all these people saying, oh, you know, you can't write, you know, you're not going to be able to write a write a fictional novel or your memoir won't do good or you can't, you're not going to be an actor, you're just the rapper guy or blah, blah, blah. Now at this phase of my life, those things don't, like, I don't hear that. I mean, I acknowledge it. I know, I'm a human being, sometimes it hurts to hear it. But I've gone through it my whole life being told what I can or can't do, not only personally, but then professionally, you'll never be a rapper, you'll never sell out the garden, you'll never this, you'll never that. And knowing that every single thing that is, you know, I've been told that I couldn't do, I actually achieved it. And so as a man, you know, at 30 and stepping back and realizing my worth as a human being, now stepping into this next round, this next chapter of creativity, I know I can, I know I can. And to, and for me, that's what this book is, that's what this conversation is. It's letting people know like, dude, you can do it, because at the end of the day, I just feel like we're all kids, like everyone's like, you know, first graders with nuclear codes as adults, it's weird, you know, but it's like, how could you look a beautiful child in the face and be like, you fucking suck, like you're never gonna make like this, like nobody would do, I mean, maybe 1% of the world would do that. Such a disgusting concept to think of. And when I look at, you know, other people, when they tell me their dreams and their ambitions and all this, I see this child inside of them that is pure and excited. And I root for that person, because the child in me has been stepped on and kicked, but it's still standing. So moving into this next chapter, I think the biggest thing, even though it's hard, even though my own voice goes, you can't do it, you're a fraud, they're everyone's gonna know. I still say, yes, you can, you know, you can, you can do this.


How do you convince yourself to believe in your voice? (43:32)

How do you convince yourself to believe that? Like when you, you yourself have a voice saying that, and by the way, because you're famous, you have millions of people that will happily tell you that as well. How do you compartmentalize that or soothe that voice and believe enough that you can do it that you actually do the work? I've been alone, and I've had to, I've had to be that voice, but I am also lucky to have amazing people around me. I'm blessed enough to have, you know, I got a guy right here right next to me right now named Tony, and he loves my music. And when I put my music out, he's a big fan, and he just goes, dude, this is great. And if I'm in the middle of making a song, I'm like, what do you think? He's honest. Oh, what if you tried this instead? Or, or maybe do that, you know, it's, it's, I'm surrounded by people who are loving and kind, and can help me guide me, aid me into ignoring that voice. When I was younger, it was about proving people wrong. Oh, you say I can't, I can't end this chip on your fucking shoulder. I'm going to show you that is no reason to create art. That is no reason to follow your dreams out of spite. I mean, that's like a episode of Kirby enthusiasm. Like, who does that? You know what I mean? And I did that. I did that my whole career, my whole career. And when I write, and I work on scripts, and I only do it for me, and possibly anyone I could help with an underlying theme in the words. So yeah.


Overcoming Self-Doubt And Career Challenges

There is power in the "chip" (45:08)

Interesting. The whole chip on your shoulder thing, I may have an unpopular view, but your career is evidence that the chip isn't all bad. And when I think about Star Wars, so I think in movie terms a lot, but I don't think that'll be lost on you. When I think about the reason that Darth Vader is able to do what he does is because there is real power in the dark side. There is real energy there. And from anger, yeah, from anger for sure. And so the whole, the way that I look at it is this, there's the light side, there's the dark side. And I mean that in the Star Wars sense. And I try to spend at least 80% of my time in the light energy, the beautiful things I want to create, the people that I have around me that love me. But when I'm at my most fatigued, when I am just spent and I don't have anything more, I think about the people who want me to fail. And then I've got a bit more energy. And I just find that you have to be very careful how long you spend time there, because as you well know, it becomes very corrosive and that in and of itself can ruin your health, stop you from having any ability to enjoy what you've accomplished. But nature gave us that tool for a reason. I agree. I wholeheartedly agree. I think in my situation, the chip became like a bag of lace. Like, you know what I mean? Like it was more so. It wasn't just this little thing like, oh man, this person on the internet says like, I can't make an album. It was like, it was like I was only doing it to prove that person wrong. It was like I was only writing raps as intricate as I could and doing it on purpose, thinking about someone else, rather than just from my heart. So I agree. I think it is dope, man. I kind of like when people are like, oh, this guy's not going to act because I'm like, fuck you, man, like I'm going to show you, you know, and I agree with you. I like that. I just don't like when it takes over, you go to the dark side, like fully, you know what I mean? Like I just, this is not. For me, I found I wasn't happy anymore because I had let it engulf me. I mean, I've literally accomplished everything you could accomplish as a musician, except when a Grammy. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't want a Grammy because I would like one. Also, I think it's just been systematically embedded in me that I'll have some more worth or something if I do. But at this point, it's just something on a checklist that I'd like to accomplish. However, I will never make music again to try to get a Grammy or a number one album or, you know, even this book, you know, it's like pre-orders and there's a whole thing and it's like, I'm, you know, I'm doing the best I can. But like with my last book, it was like I was shoving it down people's throats, like go pre-order, go pre-order, this is get it, get like crazy, like five times a day and tweets and this. And now I'm just like, hey guys, go check this book out, you know, once or twice a week. I'm like, it would mean a lot to me. But it's like, okay, if it's not a number one in its first week, does that, you know, like not, make me invalid or my story any less real or on? No. And anything that is honest and from the heart will grow and people will talk about it and it will, you know, word of mouth and it'll do its thing. So I've, I mean, don't get me wrong, man. Like I still want to be, I want to be as successful as I could possibly be. But I realize like all these numbers and all these things, they're not important. The only thing that is important with this book is first and foremost expressing everything that I've gone through in my life so that I can heal and bet and have a better understanding of my childhood and my upbringing. And two, hopefully there are people out there who will be able to relate and this could possibly help them even a little bit. It's the only reason I made the book. It's a pretty good reason to make a book. When I think about all the things you've gone through, when I think about the just avalanche of hate that somebody in your position has had to deal with, there must have been a real temptation.


The temptation to be bitter (49:34)

In fact, here's what really surprises me. How did you see the risk of becoming bitter? Like most people just aren't aware that they're becoming bitter. It just seems so self-evident to be bitter given what they've been through. It just sort of makes them bitter. How did you question it? How did you become aware enough of it to avoid that? Dude, check this shit out. On one of my albums, I mean a few of my albums, I've talked about this industry. I've talked about how social media has changed the perception of music, what's good, what's not. I'm not complaining about this. I'm voicing frustration so that I can heal because any and everything that I've ever gone through, I've written about it. And I still continue to write about it in music and now in film. And for me, the hardest part was hearing people go, "Oh, you sound bitter." When really it's like, "No, no, no, no, no. I'm just voicing how I feel about this." So when I was a kid on his come up, like, "I'm fucking broke, like sucks, like my family ain't shit." Blah, blah, blah. People were like, "Yeah, yeah." And then now, my shit has changed. It's like I have to juggle millions of dollars in personal relationships. Can people just want the young, hungry version of me from 10 years ago and da, da, da, and I write this out because it's what I'm going through? And then people will be like, "Man, this isn't as good as the old shit." Or you just sound like you're complaining or you're this or you're that. In that, I could keep going even deeper. Like, fuck these people. I love it and like even deeper. But for me, it was never about that. It was always about explaining and expressing my emotions so that I could deal with it. So I think hip hop in and of itself is extremely young. It's just a young man's game, dude. Like it is, right? And I'm 31. I'm not 19 anymore. And I just released a mixtape for fun. And one of the comments was, he doesn't sound hungry anymore. And another comment was, and I didn't even really look at any comments. I just kind of peaked for one second. And another one was, the way he raps, you can tell music isn't his everything. And I told this to my buddy, Joe, Joseph Gordon-Levitt. And he listened to it. And I had this conversation. We were both talking about how we deal with press and what people say and all this shit. And it was very cool that me and him could have a conversation. Because one, I like idolizes dude and now we're friends and it's weird. But anyway, a lot of attraction. So I said that to him and we had a good conversation. We hung up like two, three days later, he texts me this really beautiful text message and he goes, Hey, man, I just listened to the project. And he goes, it's my favorite one because it's called the Bobby Tarantino series. It's like another alter ego with an alter ego logic. And he was like, you know what you said about the kid who's like, you don't sound hungry anymore. Like you're on your come up. He goes, you're not. He says, you're not on your come up. You're a grown man. And he was like, and I love this. He was like, I hate listening to people rappers mainly. And their 30s and 40s trying to pretend to be like they're 19 and talking about hoes. And I got the newest Fendi clothes. And I got this and that and it's like, here you are talking about doing your best to be a good father, staying faithful to your wife. He's like, you are not a kid on his come up. You are a grown man. And you are writing music and making, you know, content for people of your age. And when he said that, dude, it just made me so happy because I could be bitter and I could try to be this young hip guy. And like, no, man, I've accepted that a lot of the lingo has changed. And if I say dope, I probably sound old, like, you know what I mean? Like, cool, dope, whatever. I think letting not being happy with the person I see in the mirror has allowed me to not let that bitterness grow. I'll never be perfect, man. You know what I mean? It's like, when I was a twig, when I was 100 pounds, I was so self-conscious about my body. And people on the internet would say, you know, very mean thing. My own mother, she saw me with no shirt on when I was a teenager. She was like, Auschwitz, like what? Like, who says that to somebody? Like that fucked me up. You know what I mean? And then so I had this like thing in my head that was like, I need to be the strong guy. And then finally, I put some man weight on him at 28 years old. I would wake up at five in the morning and drop down like Bruce Wayne and do 200 pushups and sets of 50 before I even started my day. I was in the gym five days a week for two hours a day. And do you know why? For other people, like, that's what it was really about. Don't get me wrong. I did want to be a little healthier. I changed some things in my life. But the, and I know I'm going on here and I'm all over the place, but it's, this is me. This is your guest. So, so I was working out and I was doing it from a place of health, you know, cardio and lifting weights. But then on the internet, people are starting to notice that this like, you know, dude who looks like the stick bug from a bug's life is now kind of putting on weight and they're calling me Bobby biceps and shit. And that gets into my head. And it's like brainwashing me that I have to be this strong manly man and blah, blah, blah. And you know what? It took me being physically the strongest I'd ever been the biggest I'd ever been in my life to realize that all of that had nothing to do with strength and that I had been strong my whole life. And I didn't need some outward physique to show me that or prove that to anybody else. I believe the punchline to life is how you feel about yourself when you're by yourself.


How to love yourself (56:18)

It's really all that matters. How did you get to the point where you liked the person that you see in the mirror? When I realized I wasn't a fraud. You know, I had so many people telling me what I was or what I wasn't or that I was trying to be this or that I was trying to be that. And I was just always just trying to be myself, you know. Sure, I've tried to rap like Kendrick Lamar and Jake Cole because I think that they rap really cool. So maybe I'll try a cadence like them. I wasn't trying to be them, you know what I mean? But you can say the same thing for Tribe Called Quest for, you know, Nas and Jay Z and Kanye West like imitation is what they say that it's in serious form of flattery or something, you know what I mean? Like these are guys that I look up to. And for me, it's funny that if you're in a not to go on another tangent, but you can't be a fan of a contemporary artist. Like it's just no. It's in a way they're your enemy, but they're your brother. They're your competition, but they're and it's like, no dude, if if Kendrick Lamar has a really cool beat, I'm gonna be like six. Let's make a beat like that. And I want to do it in a completely different way realizing that that's okay. Like all these all these imaginary blurred lines on what you can all these rules that are just made up, you know, it's like, I'm that child inside drawing and painting and making the sky orange or whatever, you know, painting the sky orange. And so with that looking in the mirror now older, I've realized everyone's full of shit. Nobody knows what they're talking about. I don't know shit. Why am I worried about this? Like my son is beautiful. My wife is amazing. My life is amazing. I'm just a guy who writes words down and sometimes wraps them or sings them or acts them out in a scene. And some people literally hate me for it. And some people like me for it. And some people have no fucking a majority of the people on this planet have no fucking idea who I am. So what? And it's just that kind of calming understanding of looking in the mirror and just being like, Oh shit, there's a wrinkle that wasn't there a year ago, or I don't look the same way I did 10 years ago. But then it's funny because 10 years ago, I would have looked at myself and been like, wow, he's got a nice weight. You know, he doesn't look like the stick bug. Taking away the words of people and the thoughts that have been implanted in my head by people about myself is probably the most freeing thing I've been working on. You know, like I'm not perfect, man. I wake up and sometimes I don't think I'm good enough. Sometimes I don't think I'm creative enough. Sometimes I don't think my movie's going to work or the writing isn't great or the this or that or that or that or that. But once again, that's just that's that's the voice in your head that you have to tell to fuck off. And then maybe you take a little bit of that chip that it's giving you and use it as fuel. What would you say to somebody who's on the come up now? I've no doubt that we'll have some young artists watching this that they want to make it, man.


1. How to become a successful artist (59:36)

They want to do what you did and they want to take advantage of the current disruption, whatever that may be and ride that to sidestep the traditional gatekeepers and do something themselves. How would you help them get the kind of because, I mean, you have so much lyrical prowess, it's crazy. And I know that one does not come upon that easily. Like that is a lot of work. So how do you help them get in a frame of reference where they'll put in that work, but that they can enjoy it or maybe that's not how you think about it. I'm curious what advice you'd give up. I do. Everybody once shit handed to them, you know, we could say, oh, this generation, man, these young kids, man, they're like, no, like we were those kids. Like everybody does. If you could have it handed to you when you're 18, like you if somebody could just be like, here's your masters and all the information you would have learned in college and then a degree and blah, blah, blah. You'd be like, all right, cool. Yeah, I'll take it. But it's like, it's the experience, man. Like you got to put in the work. You have to earn it. You have to make it your life. The first thing I'll say is before honestly really moving on to anything else in your life as far as any passion. So if we're talking about music, let's use that as an example. But at the end of the day, we're talking about creativity, we're talking about life, we're talking about dreams and goals, right? So utterly commit yourself to this one thing before moving on. So I've been doing music for 17 years and it's only now that I am moving on to film and different things like that while still doing music because I love it because I'm an addict. And what I would say is like make it your everything. Like don't be and I'm still a student. I think I know a lot about hip-hop and music in general. But it's like, dude, I'm still learning all the time. When I was younger, here's another piece of advice. When I was younger, people would say things like, oh, yeah, you know, when Sugar Hill gang did, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I'd be like, yeah, yeah, but I wouldn't know what the fuck they're talking about. I was scared because also when you're a kid and you don't know something, you don't know the newest thing in pop culture, you didn't see a movie and all your friends are talking about it. And they're like, oh, you fuck it, you don't know about it. And it's like this thing that's kind of ingrained in us. No, ask questions because it is better to ask a question and learn and learn something. Like, only an asshole is going to make you feel bad about asking a question and learning something that you didn't know. And let's be honest, if it's an asshole who's trying to teach you the lesson, well, fuck that guy. Like, you don't even want to be around this person. You want to be around someone you can ask. And I did my best to surround myself by people like that. Everything like literally make it your everything. I would wake up and think of wraps and ideas. I would wake up and record. I mean, there was a point in time when I was doing five songs a day, minimum, minimum five songs a day. Now, they probably weren't that good, you know what I mean? But it's like, I was doing it to learn cadence to learn style to learn, you know, even just the flow. I mean, it's such a poetry. I'm trying to think of like a rap. I don't even know what's a how does a fucking what you call it? Go. I have so many songs I have to ask other people. I'm sorry. Growing pains for how does that start? I live by Oh, here we go. I live by the beat. I die by the beat. Since 1990, I live by the beat. I die by the beat like MPC Akai, who I name William after because I get bills from these beats. So that right there is extremely intricate. And what I'm saying. So I live by the beat like 1990. I live by the beat like MPC Akai, who I name William after because I get bills from these beats. Fuck the industry. You know, we keeping it real up in the streets came up in a room that came up in the world as office access, all this promise deaf in taxes. Don't give a fuck who be running the fastest my anxiety. See, make me spit it on my element and I'm sucking the clinic like Flynn Montgomery. Take a step back. Tell me right now, boy, just what Joe summary creeping through fire side. Like, so that whole thing, there's a million things in there. I'm talking about the main character Flynn Montgomery, who feels like he's stuck stuck in this, this mental loop and how that was actually mean. I live by the beat. I die by the beat since 1990. I what that means immediately out the gate is I live by the beat like I live on this beat that I'm wrapping on. But also I live by the beat of my heart since 1990, which is the year that I was born. I live by the beat. I die by the beat like MPC Akai. I'm surrounded by MPCs, which are drum machines, which make beats, which I also named the one of the main protagonists, characters of my second album, The Incredible True Story, which is about two gentlemen who are looking for a planet called Paradise in the year 21 15 and it's this whole fucking thing. But one of the characters names is William Kai. And I named him Kai after the Akai MPC. And also the play of words. I live by the beat. I die by the beat like MPC Akai, who I named William after because I get bills from these beats. Bill is short for William. So then I'm talking about bills as far as money and this and this and this and dud-dud-dun whatever. Now I'm not sitting here trying to suck my own dick. I'm just saying I do what I do when I do it very well. And that's one example of it. And the only reason I do what I do so well is because I made it my life. I have studied everyone who came before me. And I didn't just study the nozzes and the KRS ones and the big daddy Keynes and Rock hymns and Wu Tang clans and most deaths. And I mean I could go on and on. I studied poetry. I studied the dictionary. I studied the thesaurus. I studied these books on anatomy that my mother had. So I understood a carotid artery and what goes into the brain and neuro and the just our entire system and literally where organs are in the body. So it's like if I wanted to do some play on words about a hit or how that would spread through your system like a disease or this or that. How long would it take? How this? I soaked up every piece of information that I could so that I could be better at what I wanted to do. And if you are not prepared to wake up every day to in many ways, you know, kind of like fuck your life up, you know, turn down dates and hanging out with friends and all these things, then don't do it. You know, but I think if you as an artist, creative, whatever it is that you want to do, but I'm talking to a musician right now, let's say, if you really want it, just do it. It's that simple. Just do it and make it your life. It's funny because me saying this now kind of wants to tell the kid version of me like, dude, go outside. Like, you know what I mean? Like, get a friend. Like, what are you doing? You know, like, you're scared of the world. Go walk around, like, you know, do your thing. But the fact of the matter is, is that's bullshit. Anybody who's a genius at what they do or amazing at what they do has sacrificed a large heart of their social life, emotional life, mental health, honestly, to reach that level. And if you want it and you do it right, it can be worth it. It can. So it's just if you want that life or not. Let me ask, was it worth it? Fuck yeah, man. It was worth it. It wouldn't have been if I killed myself, which is something I think I would have done if I did not have that God or common sense just a few years ago to go stop. I was in bed with my wife the other night. I haven't told anybody this.


2. Being emotionally inarticulate (01:07:52)

I don't even think I told you this, Tony, crying. I was crying. I haven't cried. Well, first of all, I cry all the time, mainly to film. And my wife will tell you, dude, I'm crying to like, Oren Echee getting her head cut off and kill Bill just because the cinematography is so beautiful and lines up and incredible sync with like the score at the side.


Overcoming Career Challenges (01:08:08)

Like, I'm a weirdo. Like, I just love movies. So it doesn't even have to be like, I don't know, something sad. It's weird. But anyway, I was laying in bed and I was crying because I realized that my career is over. You could say, well, what do you mean? I don't necessarily know that I would put it that way. It makes more sense for me to say it that way in my head. But this logic guy, you know, with all these platinum records and accomplishments and all this shit, I don't want to be that anymore. And that doesn't mean that I won't make music and it won't go platinum, but probably fucking will. I hope it does, you know, but I refuse to chase it. I refuse to do so many pushups in the morning. I pull a pictorial muscle. I refuse to go on tour and be completely utterly unhappy and depressed on stage. I refuse to look at other rappers, young rappers younger than me who may be more hot in the moment and be jealous and envious and made to feel as though I'm not good enough. I refuse to do that. And also, I look at the fact that I've made more money than I could have ever dreamed of making and more success than I could have ever had. And I realized I did it and I don't want to keep playing that game. And when I saw that in my head, I realized, oh my God, it was very emotional because I was like, that's it. It's over. It's over. Everything I spent, every moment, every minute that I spent telling that kid who was just listening to me, to do all those things, I got there however many years later and it was worth it. Sorry, I know that's where we were, but it was worth it up into that moment and then I had to say goodbye and know that I might not be the most relevant and I might not have the number one hit smash across the world anymore or this or that, but I don't want to because I want to be there for my son and my wife and I want to do different things now. So I met, I'm at this juncture in the road. I met this cross road, forked in the road and there's millions and millions and millions and millions of dollars in a box to the left and there's millions of dollars on a road to the right and that road that I can walk has the most beautiful view and I get to take my time walking down that road and that's the road I chose rather than this fucking highway of like insane go go go get the money get the money people in your head you know this this might not last you know you got to get it you got to get it and now I'm just 31 like I'm young I got a whole life ahead of me and I'm going to focus on the things that make me happy and that's all that matters and it's not numbers and it's not number ones and this and that those are bonuses for sure, but to create music to create art based on trying to be the most popular and play that game I'm through and I had the craziest cry because I was like oh my god it's everything I ever wanted and I did it a couple years ago and I'm only really realizing this now okay all right fuck yeah let's watch friends you know what I mean Bobby that is an amazing place to end where can people follow you on this next phase of your journey all I care about if you want to follow me is follow me follow my work don't follow what I post remember my name Bobby Hall logic whatever you want to call me and I hope that that you'll know my heart and soul is is in everything that I that I create and that that I hope you'll follow me on this next chapter of my life as a creative man


Connection With Bobby

Connect with Bobby (01:12:19)

and and enjoy it or not but just follow me and the book is this bright future correct yeah this bright future September 7th which is probably today and yeah it's it's a story on my of my life and and I wrote it from my heart and I hope you enjoy it and yeah we're already starting starting to talk about the biopic it's gonna be crazy that is having read the book that is going to be crazy that'd be amazing dude I am super excited to watch you as you go into this next phase you're an extraordinary creative you work your ass off to get good at what you do and so seeing how young you are at this point in your career and that you've got so many creative years ahead of you be very interesting to see what you do now that you know it's about the art more than it is about the recognition so very very exciting time I just I'm gonna interrupt you dude and I'm just want to say this is one of the best interviews I've ever done for real I care that you took the time I care that you have incredible questions I love that


Interview Conclusion

End of the Interview (01:13:46)

your audience represents you and I am extremely honored to be here so thank you so much for being here it really was great guys the book is phenomenal hey hey I just wanted to say yes you have a nice smile well that's very kind I'm kidding you said I can interrupt you okay do your thing do you think I'm sorry thank you all right the book is amazing guys you will love it I promise it's really a pretty crazy journey that will blow your mind and speaking of things that will blow your mind if you haven't already be sure to subscribe and until next time my friends be legendary take care peace go in that Haiti after the earthquake man a lot of courage man it took me trust me I'm that true emcee after the earthquake I landed in Haiti my life started out in a small village I ate dirt from the floor homie no kitten I had no kitchen grandma said pray to Christ this Jesus baby belly had a bag of rice


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