“The First Hour Of The Morning Is CRUCIAL” - Millionaire Habits For SUCCESS! | Bedros Keuilian | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "“The First Hour Of The Morning Is CRUCIAL” - Millionaire Habits For SUCCESS! | Bedros Keuilian".
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- Bajras Kullian, welcome back to the show. - Tom, thank you for having me again. - I'm stoked, man. So why is it that people that are hyper-successful are so obsessed with getting their morning routine right?
Importance Of Morning Routines
Why is a morning routine so important? (00:10)
And what should everybody watching this right now do to make theirs crispy? - That's a really good question. I think the morning routine is something that will set anybody up for success, right? Because when you wake up and I wake up and the next guy wakes up, we all have about the same number of time. - About the same? - Actually exactly the same number of time. And so since we know that, that means what you do versus what I do matters. And so if I'm screen sucking, the moment I get up, I'm looking at social media, what's going on Facebook, who's talking about what on Instagram, and you're like, hey, I've got this GSD list. I call it the get shit done list. And the GSD list is you're just gonna wake up and dominate your day. Like my morning routine is wake up, never hit the snooze button. We've talked about this on your show previously. Drink my 30 ounces of water 'cause Sean Stevenson said so. And then take a shower and then end up downstairs with my protein shake and my coffee and more water and work off my GSD list. Like that sets me up to win. Checking in on social media is not part of my morning routine because all of a sudden something on social media might trigger me to feel like I'm missing out.
Not checking S.M. while you wake up = WINNING (01:14)
Might trigger me to feel like I should have been at an event. Might trigger me to feel like a sense of guilt, a sense of shame, a sense of whatever. And any of those things, any of those feelings and emotions are not things that I would take into the battle of business. And I'm in the battle of business because when I make money, I can have a greater sense of meaning with it. And so I cannot take emotions and feelings and thoughts that I got from social media, especially in the morning, to the battlefield of business where I do most of my heavy work in the morning. So that morning routine sets me up to win. And soon as I'm done with my GSD list by about 9 a.m., like you can say you're a clock to me. I go right to the gym, workout intentionally put my phone and my cubby at the gym. And cause again, I'm susceptible to looking at the screen. And if I'm doing that, all of a sudden my workout is less than stellar. Which means I feel like a failure and now I'm more likely to compound failure throughout the day. So that's how I look at it. So conversely, if I slept in, hit this news button, didn't drink 30 ounces of water, just took a sip of water, now I'm gonna be late to work. I feel rushed. The subconscious mind is telling me that I'm a loser, I'm a failure, I'm an imposter, how you gonna go lead a international franchise or a supplement company or write another book when you're a loser dude, right? The subconscious mind speaks to us. That's the inner critic. And so to shut down the inner critic and give voice to the inner advocate, a strong morning routine sets you up to win the day. You win the day, you win the week. And then off you go, you won a year and then a decade. - It's so crazy to me how much that matters.
Efficiency starts with the morning routine (02:58)
Like you can get off by just a little and your efficiency starts to be off and then the day just isn't as useful as it could have been and it really does start with the morning. Like getting people to understand, if you get the morning right, then the rest of your day you're gonna be able to be far more productive. And when you start stacking those things, that really is the difference between somebody that accomplishes a lot and somebody that doesn't look. I don't wanna deny the intellect plays a big role, education plays a big role. But if you are inefficient, to your point about, okay, we all have the same number of hours, so it comes down to how are you spending your time. But there's something like, I find myself wanting to say more words because there's something ineffable that I'm not capturing yet, which is there is a really subtle difference between a high performance day and a mediocre day. And when I think about, certainly the thing that has been my superpower is I'm able to generate momentum. So I can go from standing still, nobody knows who I am, nobody believes in what I'm trying to do. We don't have a company incorporated like all of that. And then, oh, you know those firms like getting the machine moving is so hard, that's what I can do. And whether that's a new project, whether that's a whole company, whatever. I can get those early things going. Every day feels like that. And on the days where I am battered and beaten psychologically, and I call hiding in bed. And I'm hiding in bed. And you just, even if I just miss getting out of bed, 'cause I give myself 10 minutes, if I get out of bed in 11 minutes, I'm like, oh, I know where this goes. There's something I'm pushing against that is stop either I didn't go to bed on time, I didn't sleep well, I'm stressed, whatever. But there's something going on that made getting up unusually hard that day. And then it just spirals. And so getting people to understand how important it is to do the most important things first, do them efficiently, get the psychological momentum going so that you can believe in yourself. You have that credibility, you get going. It really makes a big difference, but it's hard to explain. - It is hard to explain, but sometimes you don't need an explanation.
Adopt a Winners Mindset (05:22)
For example, if you just watch what winners do and do what they do odds are you will eventually have a similar outcome. Great example is I believe, I believe you may have shared this at either Fleishman's elevator nights when we all spoke there, or it might have been when you were kind enough to come and do my podcast. But you said, if I wake up with, correct me if I'm wrong, if I wake up within 20 minutes of my alarm going off, I don't go back to sleep, I just get up. I'm like, I'm adopting that. I'm adopting that. Now, if it was some crack head who Rob's Banks says that, I may not adopt that. But you're someone I respect that I want to be like and emulate. You know what, I'm gonna add that to my repertoire. Like, I don't know why Sean wrote in his book that you need to drink third ounce of water in the morning. I don't care why, I trust him. And I trust that he's a great scientist, and he's all about human optimization. I'm gonna do that. I trust you as an entrepreneur. And so when I look up to you in this category of life, I'm gonna do that. And so I just started adopting things. And I think there's a gift to just being, for lack of a better term, ignorant. Like, you know, ignorance is bliss. So much of my success has just been because no one told me that I couldn't fly. No one said those, you don't have wings. And so I was just like, watch this. And I flew. Yeah, I mean, I created a software company with no software background or franchise. Was that a drop out of college in 32 days, where out of junior college, right? You don't have a lot of degree. You don't have a cause on that. Why did you drop out? I just felt like I didn't belong. I was constantly, just like high school, I felt constantly behind, and I figured, all right, I'm gonna go to junior college and see if I can get on track. Because, you know, they say go to college, you're a new to, like, I would be the first family member to graduate college, because remember, we escaped Soviet Union, came here when I was six, and so it was a big deal, and I felt that pressure on me. And I truly wanted to have a college degree, just to say I've done this, right? But just like high school, it felt like I didn't belong. It felt like I would have to study three or four, five times harder than everyone else. And I remember in high school, the foil method, remember foil first, inner, outer, last. Nope. See that no one does. I never heard that. But it was part of algebra or something. Oh, God, I cheated my way through all the mathematics. I have no idea. God bless you. It was so bad at it that I remember showing my answer and the teacher going, but that's, you're not gonna get credit because you didn't do foil. And this is the only thing I remember about high school because she like chastised me so much. She says, you didn't do the first inner, outer, last. You didn't show your work. You got the answer. I remember thinking, I'm gonna be an entrepreneur, man. I'm gonna produce the results. - You already knew that?
Make Sure to Create the Outcome You Want (08:00)
- I knew that. I was gonna be my own boss. I'm gonna be my own boss. I need to produce an outcome. And people are gonna produce outcomes for me. I don't care how they produce it. Don't produce it unethically. Don't produce it by cheating someone, killing someone. But produce the outcome I want. And I will actually reward you for producing it faster. Instead of doing this amount of work, if you can do this amount of work and produce the outcome, our industry rewards that. The education system doesn't. And so the same thing happened in college. So like 31, 32 days in, I'm like, all right, I'm out. I'm falling behind. I feel like a dumbass. I'm having to study three, four times as much to remember things that I feel are irrelevant to my path in life. And so I moved on, was like, all right, full-length entrepreneurship. - Did any of that chip away at your belief that you could do the entrepreneurship thing? Or you just knew this isn't gonna matter? - I felt that I was so unemployable in terms of like, every job I had gotten fired from also, right? Except for Disneyland. I worked at Disneyland for six and a half years. I didn't get fired. I quit every other job I got fired from. The Bagel store on by Balboa Island, Adventure City. You name it, every place. And so I was like, I'm unemployable. No one wants to employ me. I know I can be a better boss. Like, and have people like me who are, I don't know, maybe a bit of misfits, free thinkers, outcome producers without showing the work, work for me, and I'll create my own little tribe. I've always known I was a black sheep. And so school and not doing well in school did not deter me from being an entrepreneur. In fact, all I did was say, this is your only path, dude. No one's gonna employ you. You're unemployed, but you're gonna lose every job you have. And it was because of the conflict that I have. I always questioned authority. And I think that's a great behavior to have, but know that if you constantly question authority, you're probably not employable, right? The whole idea of having a boss, is there your source of authority? And so I always questioned authority. I questioned the education system. And so I knew that I had to beat my own path. So all it did is solidify my resolve.
Question Authority & Your Relationship with it (10:00)
- Yeah, it's interesting. The idea of questioning authority. So that's always been my problem. I've always had a problem with authority. I'm not even sure. So I mean, look, 50% of us is hardwired. So I'll say that for whatever reason, I've just always had an issue with that. So yeah, that's definitely, but I'm very employable. I was an amazing employee. So it's weird. It's like this bizarre conflict of I hate it. I hate people being able to tell me what to do, which is why I was so hell-bent to become my own boss. But I would silently conform. So it's really interesting. And bucking out of that is difficult. I actually wanna talk about that. There's gonna, I think a huge part of this conversation will end up being about that. But first I wanna talk about imperfect action. - Yes. - So we've got our moaning routine. We know we need to be hyper-efficient. I still think I failed to convey like that real subtle nuance of what a big difference. But if people can just, like you said, model the behavior, great. So people have that on lock. But they're going to, most people are diminished by the failures, by not being good at school, by whatever. They've been kicked in the teeth enough in life. So they convince themselves they're not gonna be able to do it. And the number of people, no matter how many times I say, 'cause I talk a lot about you need to learn, right? So whatever you're gonna do, you're gonna learn about it. But then people end up in the death loop of like, oh, I'm gonna learn for nine years because I don't think I understand. And I'm like, no, no, no. If you learn something in the morning, you start using it in the afternoon. So like you have to go right away. Otherwise it's all gonna be, book knowledge is not gonna be practical. It's gonna be theoretical, it's not gonna be applied.
Imperfection is a Choice (11:35)
So what is imperfect action and how have you mustered the courage to actually do it when you know that failure is so possible? - So I'll start with the idea of failure first. And I learned from Napoleon Hill's book Outwitting the Devil that there is no such thing as failure. I have reframed it in my head as I will experience temporary defeat. Many times in my life, but I will never experience failure. And once you accept that. - Why? What's failure? Why won't you experience failure? - Failure is a choice. And so if you choose not to, like if you choose not to drink any more water from that cup, no matter how much I make you, you choose not to drink it, it's not gonna happen. - So is failure when you actually stop trying? - It's when you stop trying. It's a choice to stay down, right? And it's okay to stay down and gather your wits and then get back up, hence making it temporary defeat. The moment you choose to stay down by because of not trying, you have given up. So let's just say giving up instead of failure. Failure shouldn't even exist. It's temporary defeat. So once I know that, then I'm like, well, there's no such thing as failure 'cause I choose not to accept it or acknowledge it. Therefore I will only see temporary defeats in life. And the more things that I attempt to do that are new, the higher the probability of having temporary defeats. However, each one of those defeats are a lesson that I could learn from and improve because the human mind and psyche and body are very adaptable. Playing ping pong against one of your guys here was different than playing against Lisa, your wife who's a beast at it. And so I had to adopt, the body is so adaptable. So knowing that, if I learned something first thing in the morning, I wanna be able to use it as soon as possible. I don't wanna wait till it's perfect. I don't wanna wait till we have the trademark or the copyright. Like I was the one out the gate launching Fit Body Bootcamp before it was trademarked and my attorney was like, stop, I will always lean into imperfect action because I do know that the universe will collude with me, will conspire with me when I am leaning into imperfect action. I can always course correct as I go. See, people always were so black and white, bro. We are so black and white. And I was the king of black and white. Like, if I do this and if it doesn't work out, then I will fail. Oh fuck. With that mindset, and if that's the only outcome you choose to accept, that's scary. That it's either gonna be a win or a fail. What if it's somewhere in the middle that there's a temporary defeat and therefore you can back up the car and go down the next road and then temporary defeat, back up the car again, go down the next road. So imperfect action tells me that the person, the universe will reward the person who acts the quickest. That's just how the universal collective consciousness works. If we know that to be true, then I will take an idea that I learned, I will launch it immediately and I will course correct as I go and the universe will reward me because of that. And again, it's a clue. - You mean we say the universe. - A or a man of faith, right? - I am a man of faith that there's a God, a higher power. The book that you gave me, my friend, The Power of Myth, Joseph Campbell really talks about consciousness and our human animal. We are consciousness, writing in this meat sack. That's a human animal that has impulsively wants to eat and lean into comfort and convenience and greed. And if this was the only cup of water left and the few hours went by, one of us are gonna wanna attack it. That's what the human animal wants to do. Consciousness goes, I'm just gonna look through these windows called the eyes. I'm gonna control my human animal. Most people are light, they're interradiance. They're so stifled. The way I show it at the project and we'll probably get into the project later, but imagine this light bulb and it glows bright within. That's our radiance. We are connected to the source, to God. And all of our consciousness together is the universe. And so if I take that bulb and I put a black blanket over it and another layer of black blanket and another black blanket soon, you barely see the glow. Most people, their radiance has been stifled because they put food, drugs, alcohol, infidelity, pornography, laziness, binge watching television, all these layers of distraction over their radiance, they're supposed to glow so bright. That if you were able to remove all that, everyone's got that great consciousness, but all those blankets on top of your light stifles it and therefore you become more of a human animal 'cause you've stifled consciousness. And so the greatest work we can ever do in our life is the work we do on ourselves, which is really removing all of those layers of blankets so that the light can shine bright. And then you walk into somewhere and people are magnetically attracted to you. It's not for any other reason. Now then you've done the self work, your Tom 2.0, 3.0, 4.0, just like I'm Bader's 2.0, 3.0, 4.0. And therefore people are like, man, there's something about this person. That's the universal connection. We all have consciousness. Their human animal can see that this person is glowing brighter and they're attracted to that. And it's our job then to go, let me help you expose your radiance as well. - So how do you start pulling those napkins, the black cloth? How do you peel those off?
Peeling the Black Cloth of Human Impulse (16:47)
- Self-awareness, right? Self-awareness first. Until you realize that you are a human animal, I realized that I was a human animal. - Meaning you have impulses? - Impulsive. - Impulsive. That you're emotional, that you react on emotion and not logic, that you make decisions on feelings and sometimes those are somewhat permanent decisions on temporary feelings. And we've all made those. I'm not pointing fingers. I was the king of making bad decisions on temporary feelings that later led to regret. But 11 years ago, I had this massive panic attack and I talked about that in my book. And thank God, man, for that panic attack because I was 37 years old. I thought I was having a heart attack. I'm like, I'm at the peak of my prime. Fit body bootcamp's starting to thrive. Like just blowing up, it's becoming this international brand. We got recognition from Ink magazine and entrepreneur magazine. Yet my marriage was starting to fall apart. My babies at the time, they're 14 or 15 and 17 now, they wouldn't come running to me when I'd come into the house 'cause I gave off this tense energy, right? And I would impulsively just emotionally eat when I'd get home, bagels and cream cheese because I needed a dopamine hits. Yet I was running a fitness franchise. So I was incongruent with the fitness industry that I'm supposed to be in. I'm making videos at the time on YouTube from the chin up 'cause I didn't really wanna show the pouring out of shape that I was in. And so I share all this with you because that panic attack led me to realize, okay, one, it wasn't a heart attack, thankfully. The doctor did the EKG test and was like, "Hey, you're good." But how's your life?
The Panic Attack That Saved Bedros' Life (18:26)
I'm like, well, I'm stressed. I'm like drinking NyQuil to fall asleep every night and taking Vy'Gidin to fall asleep. And I would wake up and take Adderall and drink a whole bunch of coffee to then kick that foggy-headedness from the drugs and night before. And so I was always behind on schedule, felt like an imposter 'cause I would expect something from my employees that I wouldn't even do myself. I share all this with you because that panic attack, which felt like a heart attack, led me to start doing some self-work. The self-work started with a therapist 'cause I didn't wanna take, they gave me Xanax, dude.
Self Work (18:55)
I was on Xanax for four days. And I don't know if you've ever taken Xanax, but for me, it felt like someone turned off my creativity switch. Like if we have all these different switches, someone just, like a dimmer switch brought it down to like one. And so, all right, I don't feel anxious, but I also don't feel like trying anything. So I'll just chill out at home. Like four days in, I'm like, "This is how I lose it all." So I went back to the doctor, I'm like, "Dude, I can't take this stuff." He goes, "Well, to manage your stress and anxiety, have you thought about talking to a therapist?" I thought that's for crazy people, all right? But reluctantly, I found a good therapist, Dr. Kevin Downing in Brea, California. And we spent the next 15 months, every Monday, after work, I'd drive to Brea, and I'd sit on his couch. And some Mondays, I was like, "Kevin, can I just, can I just curl up on the couch, pay you to just let me sleep here, just take a nap." I'm just drained. And he would just have lighter conversations with me those days, still charge me, but the lighter conversation. And then there was days where we did the heavy work where I just felt like I was just walking to my car and it's parking a lot, like I was just walking through molasses. Like we peeled away a lot of scars from childhood trauma, like being molested as a kid in Armenia by two older boys to just being bullied when we came here. But all this to say, Kevin brought to surface self-awareness for me. And I realized that, "Dude, I shield and I soothe. The ego is a real thing, and it is there to protect us." But the ego will help us shield and soothe. So if I make a lot of money, I can surround myself with yes people and yes people are going to be good to me. They're going to do it. So of course, I wanted to make a lot of money. All this to say, self-awareness comes from self-work. Once you do the self-work, you become self-aware. You're like, "Oh my God, I am flawed, Tom. I'm a horrible friend." When you're like, "Hey, how's it going?" And I'm like, "What do you mean by that? That's because I'm reacting to some weird feelings that I haven't processed through. It may have happened as a kid, man, just because the way you said something gets triggered. It triggers me, right?" And so I started to do the self-work. It was ugly. It was not fun. I had weeks at a time where you had to process about what happened to me as a kid, man. Do I tell my parents who are in their 80s? No, there's no point in telling them they're just going to feel the guilt and why don't you tell the sooner and they're going to die with that memory? So I keep it to yourself. So those are real things that the process. Do I share this publicly? Well, I feel like I'm supposed to serve humanity. And the most selfish thing I do is each time I serve humanity, I serve myself. So all right, I'm going to try and talk about this on stage one time. And one day it came out on stage. And I could see the whole audience squirming in their seats because who the hell wants to hear that, hey, look, if you've been molested or sexually or physically, emotionally abused, you probably have trauma and you carry this shield and you're either shielding or soothing, soothing with drugs, alcohol, infidelity, whatever, or shielding as in not letting people win. And so how is that showing up with your kids, with your friendships, business partnerships, your wife, your husband? And so the more I talk about it-- and so I very quickly realized that, oh my god, talking about this, allows me to have more aha moments, more aha moments, lead me to take an off yet another layer of that blanket and the blight gets brighter and brighter. And the brighter the light gets, the more people want to hear from me and talk to me and do business with me and stay around me. And I realized this is how we make impact. We all want to serve humanity. We all know that we're on this planet for a reason. We have a higher level of purpose. And so we feel the gnawing in our gut. Like, I want to impact lives. I want to change lives. I want to inspire people. Cool. Start with fixing victim number one before you go fix everybody else. Talk to me about the light.
The Light (22:50)
So there's two ideas in here. There's the universe is conspiring with you. I'd definitely love to know more about that. And then there's the idea of the light is sort of already on, but you've covered it up and you just have to peel it away. How much of it is the light itself, even if you didn't have it covered up, do you-- is there a way to make that brighter, like whatever that thing is? Or do you feel like, no, we're born perfect and the life diminishes us? I do believe-- and again, I've got no signs to back this up. You've probably had far smarter people sitting here at this table who could back this up with some kind of signs. But again, I'm so convicted of my beliefs. And how about this? Maybe I'm absolutely all wrong. Just because I believe in this, so much that I make it so. If that alone makes me successful and happy in life and feeling like I've had some sense of meaning and significance, I'm good to go, man. It's interesting. You actually said something earlier, and I wanted to say, you know how crazy you sound right now, right? But it's so effective that-- so here's another idea. I don't know how to get people to embody this. But so what you said that made you sound crazy, but to me, I'm totally with you, is you were talking about the failure, and you're like, I refuse to acknowledge it. Yeah. You both-- and you talked about this, but you both have to look at it, assess what went wrong, look at the data, learn from it so that you can do something more effective next time. And at the same time, you have to completely ignore whatever temptation you have to believe that that means that you're not going to succeed in the future and that this is somehow a commentary on your capabilities. It's this really weird schism of you have to look at both things. So-- Yeah, you're right. And I think that it's true what you're saying. So I'm not a believer in the universe's conspire. I think the universe could give a shit. Like, it just-- there's obviously something that we don't understand. So whatever-- there is some sort of god-ish thing. There's something I don't understand, right? Why is there something instead of nothing? Arguably the most profound question that you can ever ask. I won't derail this on that. So there's obviously something. Yeah. There's obviously something that I don't understand, but I don't think it's working for me.
Introducing Tom Bilyeu Sponsors (25:11)
I think that there are a set of rules. The world works a certain way. What is up, my friend, Tom Bill, you here? And I have a big question to ask you, how would you rate your level of personal discipline on a scale of 1 to 10, if your answer is anything less than a 10? I've got something cool for you. Let me tell you right now. Discipline, by its very nature, means compelling yourself to do difficult things that are stressful. Boring, which is what kills most people, are possibly scary or even painful. Now, here is the thing. Achieving huge goals and stretching to reach your potential requires you to do those challenging, stressful things and to stick with them even when it gets boring and it will get boring. Building your levels of personal discipline is not easy, but let me tell you, it pays off. In fact, I will tell you, you're never going to achieve anything meaningful unless you develop discipline. Right, I've just released a class from Impact Theory University called How to Build Ironclad Discipline that teaches you the process of building yourself up in this area so that you can push yourself to do the hard things that greatness is going to require of you. Right, click the link on the screen. Register for this class right now and let's get to work. I will see you inside this workshop from Impact Theory University. Until then, my friends, be legendary. Peace out. And so when you were talking about human as animal, that resonates with me. We, I have told my, the people in Impact Theory University, like a dozen times, if there's going to be an epitaph on my tombstone, I would like it to read, you're having a biological experience. Meaning, even if there is a God, that God has given you a set of physics, chemistry, biology, and they work a certain way. And if you try to fight them, your life will be miserable because you will be unable to predict the outcome of your behaviors. If you can't predict the outcome of your behaviors, you won't be able to take right action. Meaning, the action that moves you most efficiently towards your goals. So I don't think it's working with me, but I still think everything you said is true in that if I align myself with the way things actually work, I'll make rapid progress. So why does the world, I think the exact words you said were the universe will conspire with the person who acts fastest?
The Universe Is Conspiring to Help People Who Act (27:09)
I think that's true. I just don't think the universe is, it's not the language I would use. Sure. So, but it is so in alignment with the first person to act, will learn faster than the next person. They're obviously not afraid to fail. If they can lower their ego enough to take in the lesson of whatever failure they get by moving first, then they can improve and keep going. It's the action improvement and continuing to move that's the conspiring. But whether you believe that it's God that's going to work with you, the universe is going to work with you because you do it or you just fucking do it, whatever, as long as you're on that path, you're going to win. So I think we might be saying the same thing, bro. A hundred percent. Yeah. There's no doubt. Because you just said that on your tombstone, if there's going to be anything, it's going to say that you're having a biological experience. And this biological experience, set by God or whoever else, whatever else, there's rules to the game, is kind of what you're implied. And that if you play by the rules, that you're going to win. If you don't play by the rules, if you don't understand the game, it's going to be a painful life, a painful human experience. Right? We can agree to that. And so the way I look at it is, it's just that the source, universe, all of our collective consciousness together, is like, we've all agreed subconsciously. These are the rules. Every person knows that they got a lean into imperfect action. Do they? I don't know what they do. If you take out the layers, bro, take out the layers. It's a lot of work, though, man. It is a lot of work. This is why we all start off as some level of radiance. Like you look at a child so pure, going back to the question you asked, like, is that light just on? I believe we all have, I don't know anything about electricity. So I'm going to say whatever. Let's say this is 20 watt light, light bulb, right? We're all born with a 20 watt light bulb, and it's nothing's covering it. This is beautiful baby, and we hold it and there it is. And then mom and dad are like, "Ah, you're chunky. Ah, you're clumsy now that you're starting to walk around." These are layers being put on. Now they're planting in front of the TV a lot. And now because the mom and dad want to go on date nights and they can't afford a nanny, they're going to slap the iPad in front of you on date nights. So now your screen's sucking, and now you're just seeing all this, more blankets are being put on, this light, the light, the source. Your radiance is being stifled soon. You become addicted to watching television. It becomes your thing, and you don't connect, and you don't know how to build rapport. Now you're a teenager and you're awkward, and you're strange, and you don't know, and you're now playing video games instead of socializing. And I share all this with you because that radiance, layer by layer from food to names, like, "Oh, you're clumsy. You're chunky." We're all, "Oh, our family, everyone, our family's fat." Yeah, many times I heard that in my life. So I was like, "Oh, I'm going to be fat strong." And so when I made this big proclamation in 2010, like, "Fuck it. I'm going to train for six weeks and run a marathon." Like, my inner voice was like, "Bro, you're a fat dude that just lifts weights. You power lift." But now I'm going to run a marathon. You just watch.
When you recognize the voice of the inner critic. (30:22)
So literally, the inner critic and the inner advocate are fighting within me, and that was the first time I allowed the inner advocate to win, and I hired a running coach, and I said, "Make me a running program. I'm going to run the San Diego Rock and Roll marathon. My wife at the time ran a marathon. It's like three a year." And look what a freaking hypocrite I was here, Tom. Jokingly, I told my wife, many years before we got married, we were still dating. I was like, "Hey, you know, if you marry me, I'll run a marathon." Right? Just jokingly. But again, subconsciously, keep down inside. There's some truth to this. That was me testing whether she's going to say yes or no. Right? We're still dating or new with this whole relationship. So she's like, "Fine, I will." Right? So then, let's say three years later, four years later, we got married. Bro, it was nine years in, and she ran three marathons a year. So almost 30 marathons later, I had yet. Whoa. What a liar I was. What a hypocrite I was. Now, one could say, "Well, I just jokingly said that, and it really mean it. At the time, I'm like lifting all these weights. I'm deadlifting, I'm squatting, I'm benching, I'm a big boy, lifting big weights. God's made me to lift weights. You can justify it any way you want. Then you can always find evidence to back it up. Right? Look at my traps, look at my shoulders at the time. Right? So I shared this with you because one day, she's like, "Hey, I'm going to run the rock and roll marathon." And I was like, "Cool. Awesome. Have a great time." I then left on a trip that day to run one of my masterminds. The time I started my masterminds in Miami, San Diego, Las Vegas. We're in Las Vegas, and there's like 40, 50 of my coaching clients. And Craig Ballantine is there as well. I invited Craig to help coach this group with me. He was the guest speaker. And Craig's telling one of the people who was complaining about procrastinating. "Yeah, I just keep procrastinating, and I just keep doing all these things, because I don't want to launch my products. I don't want to face the rejection of it, potentially whatever." Right? New entrepreneur. And so Craig, very crumudgy, and he goes, "You don't need to do it. Cut that deadline. You need to cut your deadline in half again." And then he just starts lacing into this person. And I'm sitting here. I'm like, "Oh my God. He's speaking to me right now. Here I am. Nine years later, almost 30 marathons. I've yet to make good on my promise." So I text my wife under the table. I'm like, "Why did you say that marathon was?" She goes in like eight weeks. I'm like, "Great. Sign me up for it." Right? So she goes, "I'll sign you up for the half." Every marathon has a half marathon. I'm like, "That's bullshit. Sign me up for the full marathon, because I'm also all in on everything I do." Which is a great thing unless you're going to do cocaine or heroin. But I always make sure my addictions are good these days. These days. These days. Full disclosure these days. I am pretty obsessive. And I think that is a gift, but it could also be very damaging. Under the right circumstances, you would find me dead in a gutter. And so I have to be vigilant and militant in my schedule and the people that I surround myself with my thought patterns.
The backstory of Craig calling in from OSU" to cancel his interview. (33:08)
All of it. Going back to Diana and the marathon. So she books me for the rock and roll marathon. I find a running coach. And how the universe colludes with us, my friend, you're ready for this? In that group, in that coaching group, was a woman named Jill Brewer. Her website, I shit you not. Runwithjill.com. She's a running coach. So at lunch, I'm telling her about it. Not even connecting the dots. Like, hey, I just signed up for it. Marathon, I'm a bit nervous because I could deadlift. I could squat. I could bench, but run. I've never had to run. Right? She goes, "Do you need a running program?" I'm like, "Oh yeah. I'm going to find me a running coach." She goes, "That's what I do. Run with Jill.com." I'm like, "Oh my God." She makes me a running program. Long behold. I trained for six weeks. Run the marathon. Everything's fine. I broke through some glass ceiling, some limiting belief that I was only made to do this. And so when we were born, we had this radiance, this light. And families, meanwhile, your answer, uncles, your mom's, your dad's, but soon they call you chunky and fat and clumsy and all this. And you begin to buy all those things. And your radiance goes away. Your light dims. And you're just like this robot living other people's stories or narrative that they put on you. Until one day you decide to do the self-work and peel back, painfully, the layers to expose your radiance of your whopping 20 watts. Then you could do even deeper work and raise the wattage like a dimmer switch to whatever. I don't know what the level is, because I'm still a work in progress. If you ever have me back 10 years from now, I thought there might be a higher version of myself. But that's where I am today, is raising that wattage. Yeah. It's really, it's a very interesting metaphor. And I think that as people learn about the way the mind works, and they realize that you have to be really thoughtful about what you allow yourself to think, I'm a big believer that you are what you repeat. And so whatever you allow yourself to repeat, you're going to become. And even, so the negative stuff, no matter how absurd, if you repeat it enough, you'll actually start to believe it. And the positive stuff, no matter how absurd at first, it seems you'll start to believe it if you allow yourself to repeat it. There's a really great book called Feeling Great by David D. Burns. And Inady talks about pattern interrupting. Like you have to pattern interrupt your negative thoughts.
How to not believe negative things about yourself. (35:37)
And that was something that really served me. In the beginning, I was so prone to believe negative things about myself, that I just had to learn. I had to make a rule in my life. I don't allow myself to repeat negative things about myself, even if I think they're true. Because it's not going to serve me. How do you interrupt your patterns? I literally say, I don't allow myself to think that. No stop, like whatever. I'll sometimes even say it out loud. Also, I have found if people ever find me making this face, that face breaks negativity. I can't hold that look on my face and feel negative. It puts me in an aggressive move forward posture. Now also, I find that I'm going to have that, those lines etched into my face, because I do that so often. But it really makes me feel powerful. And so doing little things like that, no, I don't do that. Overwhelm is one, I don't do overwhelmed. And so I say that to myself all the time. Because I feel myself getting overwhelmed. And so I'm always trying to tell people, when I say I don't do overwhelmed, I don't mean that in like a cool way. That like, I'm so tough. I just don't allow myself to go down that path. And because, to your point about self-awareness, I've spent so much time identifying why I feel a certain way without judgment. Oh, that's insecurity. It's emotional weakness, whatever. Not in any way, shape or form, trying to be cool about it. Just okay, I feel that way because I'm insecure about this thing. Cool. But because I have that level of self-awareness, and because I force myself to do things that take my emotional awareness, I'm feeling a thing to being able to articulate what thing I am feeling, and then why I'm feeling it. When I feel, to me it feels like my brain is revving up.
How to stop feeling overwhelmed. (37:17)
That's what overwhelmed feels like. My brain is moving faster and faster and faster and faster. To the point where it's not, it's not a level of efficiency, it's overwhelmed. It's just, it's too much. It's revving too fast. It's like being in first gear and stamping on gas. Yes. That's exactly what I pictured in my mind's eye to. A car in park, yet stepping on the gas. So you hear all this rev, but it's not any place where it's going to get momentum. Correct. That was a very interesting analogy. That is exactly what overwhelmed feels like to me. So when I hear the, I'm like, nope, I don't do overwhelmed. Stop. And just by saying that, breathing from my diaphragm, it's like you can change the neurochemistry. You're having a biological experience. So I'm reminding myself, even going back to what you were saying, you're having a panic attack. You think you're having a heart attack. You go outside, I happen to, I've heard the story. So I know you feel the sunshine on your face, you get some fresh air, you take some deep breaths. Oh, whoa. It's passed, even if it was a heart attack. And so changing your state, you know, just stealing directly from Tony Robbins, the ability to change your state will change your life. But you have to get control of that. And so getting people, as all goes back to this, you have this glowing orb inside of you. You have to understand, I think that your point about, you can raise that up over time. That's the area to focus. Whether you have it or not when you're born to me, whatever. Our job is to uncover it, and then to raise that dimmer so that it's, it's really kicking off some wattage. But to do that, you have to think right. Bro, what if the whole meaning of life was? Like we're all born with that orb, our light, lit, fully covered, with dozens of layers. Maybe you have 20, I have 18, he's got 32. Meaning of life is uncover it. And when you don't, you will suffer with depression, anxiety, stress, overwhelm, which is consciousness, telling you, you're not doing what you should be. You're shielding, you're soothing, you're distracting, you're doing all these things instead of working on self. Because when you take off that last layer, like potential has been achieved.
Why you should always try to be in flow state (39:31)
But well before taking off that last layer, maybe five layers, six layers in, now you're hitting your stride in life. Like I feel like the last, you know, the soul 11 years ago was when I had that panic attack, anxiety attack that led me to Dr. Kevin. That led me to so much self work, a decade of self work. But about, I'd say about five years, years in, so I start feeling like this rhythm. Like, all right, man, like I'm really doing it. And Fit Body Hockey Sticks, and more businesses, and more opportunities, and I get in the best shape of my life. And it's not even like you have to take off that last layer to achieve bliss. Maybe that's like your peak state. And whether we all get there or not, I don't know. But I think what if that was it? You just nailed it. All of the meaning of life is, there is your orb, congratulations, it's covered with a shit ton of dunk. Your job is to take the layers off. And in the process of taking those layers off, that's the self work, that's doing the deep work. How boring would life be if we're like, yeah, I'm not what I'm supposed to do. It's interesting. So I think that that is so close to how I would define the meaning of life. The way I've always thought of it in my head is, first of all, life only has a meaning that you give it. I don't think there is any truly intrinsic meaning.
Life Meaning And Evolution
How to define YOUR meaning of life (40:45)
But I think everybody should have an answer. My answer is the meaning of life, the reason we're all here, is to see how much of your potential you can turn into skill set. And so if pushing the metaphor, and I'm not sure this is entirely what you meant, but if that glowing orb is, it's you now have something that's useful, that lights the way that allows you to move forward in the way that you want. That feels really close to what I think people ought to be doing. It seems to me, and I've been on this path, like intentionally, and in a very focused way, like in a ruthlessly focused way, the last decade, that for me, again, that is the meaning of my life. To just keep removing the layers. What is Bader's 2.0, 10.0 going to look like? And again, but I'm also so convicted by my belief system that I also know I could will things into being so. Like I can will the universe to work collude with me, right? Conspire with me. Which also goes back to your rules. Like I also believe the universe has rules. And it's like, hey man, you thought of something? Yeah, every second that passes, says the universe to me in my mind, every second that passes, I'm going to make it less achievable. So you thought of something, you just learned a new skill? Do it motherfucker. Do it. Do you have what it's not going to be? Right, Mr. Universe. I know it's not, but you could either wait to get it down correctly, but you're going to be so in the deficit because all the number of minutes and hours and months that go by, that I've stri- you know, all these strikes against you. Or if you do it now, take imperfect action, you just learned it, deploy it, you can course correct. Like the universe is testing you. Like, do I want to keep rewarding this guy for this idea? I'm like, oh my God, I did it. It's scary. Is it going to work? It's like, all kind of work. Okay, well great. But can you fix it? Yes, I can. I'm going to keep fixing it. It's this cool thing where whether or call it the rules, call it the universe, I really believe that the self-work and the rules and taking that orb that's glowing and trying to raise its radiance, the more we do, we do develop these skill sets. Like these skill sets exist, but we uncover them, unearth them, and then we could use it to make money, have meaning, leave an impact, have significance, create a legacy. I suppose we could also use it for evil, but that goes back to character core values and all that other shit, right? Yeah, that's a whole another conversation because I think most people that from the outside we go, that person's evil, they never think they're evil. No. But there's something you said that I want to go deeper on.
Everything evolves (43:25)
So I am reading this book called The Evolution of Everything by Matt Ridley and he talks about, because you were saying like, you need to take an imperfect action, the universe conspires with you, if you're the first person that it's going to get harder the longer you wait and in the book, he's talking about the a potential explanation for why that really is and his theory is that because everything evolves, literally everything, that electricity gets invented and the light bulb is going to be invented necessarily after electricity. But that, it will be a certain period of time after electricity that you get the light bulb based on what kind of filaments are there. Can you blow glass? Like there's all these things that have to come together, right? So and he points out that like we think of these moments of that inventions are these moments of genius and that it's this one person that sort of propelled us forward in this great leap and he said he doesn't think that the world actually works that way. That what's happening is things are evolving and things will happen at a given point based on that evolution and that there are like eight different people that have been credited with the invention of the light bulb and it's only because we're in the west that we think of Thomas Edison but in reality, in different countries, almost at exactly the same time other people came up with a light bulb and that there was the same thing, I forget another really famous invention, I'm forgetting it was a telephone or the phonograph, whatever, but it was like they, the patent was filed in the patent office on the same day. And it's a really interesting idea and Michael Jackson said the same thing. He called, I think it was Quincy Jones in the middle of the night and he's like Quincy, I just had an idea for a song and we have to record it and he's like why do we have to record it right now? Mike, it's like three in the morning. He said because if we don't record it right now Prince is going to. And he was like but it's just a random fucking idea that you've had. What are you talking about? How would Prince know? He's like no, like once it's out there it's out there. The ethers of the universe. Yeah and I think what he was really getting at, excuse me, the chills, what he's getting at is there's all this shit going on in the world and it all comes together and it, we're all the product of our time. This really freaks me out as somebody trying to have a second like Ark in his entrepreneurial career. It's like I got it so right with Quest and now I'm trying to do something totally different in a totally different field and I'm like oh there's really something to am I, am I of the moment? Because a kid growing up now they're just of the moment. They're not thinking like I didn't think about Quest. Quest was me and look it was me and my partner so don't get me wrong it was this confidence of three people. But just to keep it about the part of me that was me. I was reacting against being an entrepreneur chasing money. I was like this is so gross. I just want to be myself. This idea, wanting authenticity, wanting to build community. All of this but I had it as a, I was moving away from all the bullshit that I saw that I didn't like about building businesses and it happened to coincide right with social media. Now I was on the bleeding edge of social media not because I was clever because I was having a big emotional reaction and I decided to pursue it. And so I was of that moment and so all of those things that happened to coincide right as social media was coming boom. Quest hockey sticks it goes crazy. And like if you think about what you built if that had been in 2019 it would be a very different story right. Right right right. And so all this idea of like it's out there sort of in the ether and are we able to have the balls to move when it strikes us because it's out there for everybody. Well said you know what there is something to you know being in that moment right. And so are you saying then that you feel like in the second arc you feel differently than you did the first time around?
single titles outsells all (47:21)
Like you know too much are you too smart? Not that I know too much it's that I really had to so I spent about a million dollars launching a comic book and it was a financial waste because I was making comics for when I was reading comics and I was reading comics in the late 80s early 90s. And so then my instinct was to make films like the films that I had when I was a kid but that's done man it's dead and gone like kids don't even think about that. And so I in my 40s had to go in this journey of like okay wait comic books are still getting turned into movies so who's doing it right that leads you to Japan which then ultimately leads you to ask the question why does a single title a single title bedrooms in Japan outsells the entire western comic market okay outsells Wonder Woman, Batman, Spiderman Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles X-Men all of it combined is outsold by Demon Slayer and so I was like how the fuck is that possible and looking at it then leads me to this idea that they call shonen which translates as the few years so they had narrowed in on this idea which is now I know known as the Age of Imprinting 11 to 15 where the brains in a really weird state which is why power of myth taking kids on these journeys that you guys are now doing which is incredible where you have to have this right of passage but the reason that a right of passage happens at that fucking age is because your brain is in this hyper malleable state where it's no longer drinking from the parents it's drinking from culture and so now in my 40s I had to discover manga and anime and like really being in it and so it's now very calculated I'm trying to learn I'm trying to figure out like what this moment is now maybe I've learned so much that's perfect and maybe I'm now at because I feel like I'm at the cutting edge of something I feel again the way I felt the quest where I see something other people don't see but I had to brute force it whereas at quest I was of the moment yeah so I'm like I don't know like my whole life I get to answer this question it's fucking fascinating to me I'm totally unafraid of failure like that just is not a concern for me are you as into anime as you were in the comic books of art now this scares me I've sang this to my mom this weekend I don't know if everyone is as malleable as I am and they just don't do the thing I have a process I can walk people through it this is what you have to do if you want to fall
Hyper Malleable (49:48)
in love with something new or is it not a process and it is a process but that it won't work for most people and it works for me because by nature I just happen to be hyper malleable I don't know the answer so I act as if anybody can do it but I don't know if that's true and I'm terrified by the 50% of us that's hardwired because some people don't meet minimum requirements bro can I tell you something about yourself that I've figured out about you please you my opinion I'm just going to share my opinion please that I think you give too much credit to the hardwiring and not enough credit to the fucking savage that you are interesting I only think about the savage and the only reason I acknowledge the hardwiring is I'm watching culture walk a stupid line where they're acting like there is no hardwiring and that's going to end in fucking disaster because you can no longer predict the outcome of your actions so speaking of which Bajros let's talk about this new movement in your life I know your sun setting the empire podcast yeah starting something new yeah why yeah uh so you know the empire podcast well part of it is phases of life right like we all go through seasons of life and so when I was broke and you know living in section 8 housing when we first came to the United States it all I wanted was money because I remember the conversation in our house and when you're the when you're the small one in the house I was six years old and we came to America so my older brother was 19 my sister was 21 my mom and dad and my older brother and sister were always talking about how we're running out of money before we run out of month like every end of the month it was always having to make a choice between do we leave the water on or the electricity on and there's always water because you could live in the dark you can't live without water in the section 8 housing apartments that we lived in in Santa Ana and um so I kind of grew up thinking like money's gonna solve a lot of problems and so I want money I want money and so as you become an entrepreneur you have money and then soon you cover your costs and and and have a good life and give your family experiences and you start realizing all right there's more to life than money and so seasons phases of life and so but and it turns out I was good at making money you do anything long enough maybe part of it is that 50% hardwiring the other part might have been just me being so desperate for it I just looked at any mentor I could find from old school copywriters like Gary Halbert all the way to you know people that really focused on how the mind operates from like the Tony Robbins's and beyond and so the empire podcast was really about me sharing my gift of being an entrepreneur and how to turn any idea into into a business and that business into an empire and then if you want to sell it, sell it if you want to scale it, scale it and go on but I realized especially right around 2019, 2020 with the pandemic and all that holy hell man like we are in a place where society is not doing well now we see how depression and anxiety has gone through the roof we see the prescription drugs for mood altering prescription drugs they're up by 400% especially during the core of the pandemic suicide suicide rates all those things right and so I was like man I'm in a place where I'm able to mentor my kids and they're staying at home thankfully they're in a good headspace we're working out with them we're going on hikes we're talking to them about what's happening in the world like school you know you don't homeschool them but would they go to private school and you know do I explain to them is hey guys this is your great depression this is your great depression this is your version of my 9/11 you know that we experience where there's uncertainty and chaos and economic crash etc and so rather than having them be afraid of it like you guys are of age you know there were so 12 and 14 at the time of the pandemic and so talking to them walking them through it because I just figured my dad never did that with me like I love my dad he brought us here he risked his life to bring us to the United States but everything else was on a need to know basis and I didn't need to know and so the Empire podcast was all about that making money building empires the Bedros Kullian show that's launching here is me talking about culture me talking about community me talking about how we're it just seems like this is a perfect scientific artistic design to they're trying to separate us by left and right by black and white by mask and no mask facts and no wax by if they can if they can separate us by shoe sizes bro I feel like they would and I feel this is they like do you believe in a grand conspiracy the new world order that kind of stuff I don't know if it's a new world order but I do believe that the they is a very smart group of powerful people run the world and there is a smart group of powerful people that are called the heads of state and the people that voted them into or not voted them that financially enabled them to get into there have control a great example of that and I always
The Conspiracy (55:05)
use it as a micro economy like a micro scale I'm the president no longer the CEO but I'm the president of Fit Body Boot Camp a franchise right you could look at as every franchise location we've got hundreds of franchise locations as a state the clients in there as the citizens of that state now I could say that we're going to start using Tom Billie's water and I can mandate all franchisees to start using it and Tom Billie is going to give me HQ the president a kickback from using that water instead of the other water but
My Beliefs on Franchises (55:48)
I can force my franchisees to use that now my franchisees have to then force their clients their citizens to use that I could raise the prices I could raise the franchise royalty fees and I could justify it by saying whatever I want and if you don't comply you've well you've signed a franchise agreement that franchise agreement says that I could pull your franchise and make you debrand and if you debrand you lose your money I could stop sending your money right and so it's I'm my own little country when you look at a franchise it's a little country with a leader and states and citizens and so when I just look at it that way well it just makes sense that they exist the franchise or is and so when you look at all different frant like what if I'm not saying this this doesn't happen but if me and the other franchiseors across many industries hell let's just say fitness industry come together and we're like hey from now on we're all going to raise the franchise buying fee to 80 grand and not lower mine's 49.6 right now right 80 grand so we conspire on that and with the franchise royalty fees they're not going to be 7% anymore it's going to be 10% across the board right if we all conspire to do that now whatever franchise brand you want to open up it seems like six and one half dozen or the other really what we did is we conspired together just like a universe might conspire or people conspire to do things and again you know everyone's got best of intentions but they say the path to hell was paid with good intentions and so do I believe in the day I do believe there is a day and some point maybe they did go into power to and then there's power absolute power is absolutely corrupt bro we're not supposed to be this powerful we're not we're not I I plan on giving away as much of my money as I can so that I save my son and daughter from corruption money is corrupt money is corrupt when you don't make it yourself I believe that is another personal belief that I have I earned mine I built mine from the ground up with my wife certainly stood on the shoulders of giants and watched
Conspiracy Theories And Influence
Do I Believe in Conspiracy Theories (57:59)
what they did and modeled that and paid for coaching and got the results from it but if I just hand them all the assets and I hand them all the passive streams of income I do believe that they will shit on their lives that is probably the biggest biggest blanket I could put on their radiance that's interesting in my opinion and so anyhow I do believe that there is some level of conspiring happening at the top and so when you look at it that way why divide us what's the what do you think it's the purpose the internet did something especially as we're entering web 3.0 bro it created freedom in a way that we hadn't seen like you remember pre-internet I remember pre-internet immediately right and like I would have to get on a bus and go to service merchandise or wherever to buy something or gemco or zodie's or whatever the department store was now I could Amazon Prime and it's here the next day it's exactly what I wanted and now anyone can create a channel the youtube a network a platform the internet has given us so much freedom and that freedom and humans are we take an inch we'll take a mile that's just how we are we have gotten too free and I'm pretty sure it got too scary going back to the franchise model if my franchise started to add a juice bar and I said nothing about it and now they're adding squat racks because Fit Body Boot Camps don't have squat racks now they looks like a crossfit now they're adding child care right like hey now they're going to monetize more with child care wait a minute this child care is not part of Fit Body model it's a whole different liability insurance plus you have to have certified people like watching those kids like you can't just do that now you guys have too much freedom I've got to bring the compliance officer of Fit Body Boot Camp down on your ass isn't it the same thing the web the economy has been good for so long so long and this web has given people so much freedom that I believe that they needed to create something to create this division and control and compliance of humanity and so let's tighten the news down again because it's the compliance the compliance officer coming down on us is how I see it on regular p I hate to say it this way on the civilians on regular people wage earners because first they were going to tax you and us we're going to tax the rich they're going to tax you and us and I'm like no don't do that because me and Tom know how to pass that cost along to you I will raise my prices I will find a way to still make my product profitable you the customer and the employees will end up paying for it because I'm too clever and then to tax you they will create inflation and they did right and and so anyway that's I I don't know if we're getting political but but that's how I do believe that control and compliance is being exercised right now by them yeah it's interesting I sometimes worry that I'm too naive so I don't have a sense of the they I am willing to accept that that probably is naivety because I hear your example and that makes a lot of sense to me and somebody has to be uh getting funding people to run campaigns and all that at the end of the day we
My Beliefs on The Theory on Franchises (01:01:08)
elect but here in the in the west anyway but going back to this idea of the evolution of everything that you know cycles happen and you've got Ray Dalio mapping out these cycles and empires rise and they fall and the reason he says that that cycle just repeats endlessly is because there are only so many human personality types again why I think about the 50 percent that's hardwired even though in my own life I'm only thinking about the malleable part is that if there's only so many personality types then of course things are going to repeat because you just find people bumping into each other and there's a finite number of ways that those personality types will interact and they get in these sort of cause and effect loops and and they just are what they are and it doesn't repeat exactly but it rhymes and it rhymes because enough changes and we're we there's just like the earth isn't just rotating around the sun we're also actually flying through space right so there's directionality to everything so there's directionality to culture but there's also this sort of loop right even though we're going that way and things do change but there's a lot of rhyming that goes on so I don't think a lot about the they but I'm willing to just say okay nivy tape but what I do think a lot about is as social media has come along it's an evolutionary moment right so we couldn't have predicted how social media was going to impact us and the bad news is it's not all bad in fact I would say it's primarily good but it's created this weird moment where because humans are so influenceable that I mean it's why they're called influencers that you end up getting this when you marry it to an algorithm with our desire to connect with another human and to be swayed by their influence if they have some sort of magnetism or whatever and then the algorithm just fucking really goes oh this is what you respond to and so it takes you down these like hyper niche holes and if you don't have a rule in your life that says you must seek disconfirming evidence you end up really seeing the world that way and it just seems true so whatever the algorithm is showing you it just feels that's the true narrative it doesn't feel like a narrative it's just that is true so to your point about okay we have division so I ask myself okay if I'm having a biological experience and when I say there are rules to this game I mean that the world works a certain way based on the way that the human animal is based on gravity and physics and all of that stuff there just is a way that things work why are we able to split into camps of two why could they divide us by our shoe size and hopefully people know about that study where you can give people a red shirt or a blue shirt
How Do They Divide Us (01:04:13)
and people will click up and automatically start treating people in the red shirt differently like what the fuck you know it's make believe but we were just tribal like that so it's evolution so what is it that allows us to be so evenly parsed into these groups well left and right is the the basic thing that a tribe needs is you need some people that are all about compassion so that we don't leave people behind that we have cohesion we're looking out for each other there's reciprocity but then you have if you look at that on um on a large enough sample what you find is then you get the freeloader problem so if we were all compassionate you get freeloaders who go oh word i'm in it there's an evolutionary niche for just taking advantage of people it's like the the um the kukuber which is where you get the idea of a cuckold from right kukuber is like oh word i can drop off my egg and your nest and you'll raise it and feed it and all that stuff amazing i didn't know that's right the idea of a cuckold came from 100 percent no kidding yep so you always run into
The Freeloader Problem (01:04:58)
the freeloader problem so the other side of the equation has to be people to go no personal responsibilities everything now what you get is a group that works because you get people who are like yo you cannot just leave people behind you can't be tyrannical and not think about people you've got to love them and like you know worry about them and lift them up and you've got other people that are like hey you can't fucking take advantage you've got to pick yourself up and you've got to like really a group only becomes strong as the weakest link and so we've all got to rise up now when you bring them together they're high functioning because it's in the friction between the two where it's like this half knows okay i need to like find concessions where it's going to work and then this half is like okay we've got to find we really should look out for people and when they are working well then we thrive but now the algorithm is pulling us down into these what's called peak shift and i'm i'm thinking of this stuff out loud so everyone's going to have to bear with me if a week from now i think very differently but this feels right to me so there's this idea of peak shift where if you take there's this bird that the mother has a big fucking red nose beak and when the bird sees that big red beak it goes crazy and there was a research scientist that was like is it responding to the size of the beak to the fact that it's red like what actually makes a go mom like i'm gonna go into my feeding frenzy what they found was the brighter you could make an artificial one and the brighter you made the red the bigger you made the beak the crazier the chicks went and they just like went berserk they called that peak shift so the algorithm is all about peak shift oh you like that then you really like this you like that then you really like this and you begin to dopamine habituate and so it just like ah it goes crazy people are in there scrolling all day you get one narrative it takes you down this one path you're not seeking disconfirming evidence you get tied into these influencers and if i can really put something that's hit me recently if you're feeling overwhelmed i guarantee there's a study on this even though i don't know it but i have felt this so i know it must be true if you're feeling overwhelmed and someone tells you hate that person it feels awesome because of certainty well i know exactly what to do hate that motherfucker they're wrong i'm right that feels awesome people are intoxicated by certainty so you just gave me certainty combined with all those other things and so now it's like even if there isn't a they and this is just spontaneously evolved we're living in this fucking moment and so this is happening this is real and shit is getting weird and for the first time of my life i'm paranoid i'm like not literally paranoid but i'm like oh like i'm worried i'm worried that things go to bloodshed that's my actual concern how does a paranoid tom billie you prepare so i think i'm a bit extremist so i can't trust myself and i i'm selling this is good for your audience and for me i'm selling everything i don't want to be tied to anything massive mobility read radalia he he wrote a book called principles for dealing with a change in world order and he said you need to be mobile you need to be able to go basically wherever stability is um i've heard you talk about this so i know you know the concept get off the x yeah i don't know where the x is gonna be but i know that i own a lot of real estate and i probably shouldn't so that's move number one now i don't think i'm the guy people should listen to i'm fucking fumbling my way through this i just want to make moves i was just curious what your move was but that that's where i think mobility is key like my my personal feeling and opinion is that liquidity and mobility is key yep today more than ever like i have but all everyone who's stockpiling like guns and weapons and like making that underground bunker like i haven't gone that far i think it's quite the opposite like that's all great what do you mean it's the opposite the i think the vision that most people have is when they come to take my property or to take my shit to rape and pillage like i will mean my wife will defend you know our canned food and our gold and our with our guns and ammo yeah not really first of all i think statistically less than like 99 percent of people have any training with their weapons number one number two most people are ill-prepared if that were the the apocalypse should hit the fan thing was going to happen and because i actually studied what these the guys like uh john level warrior poet society and others like them who have been actual true warriors like they don't think about hunkering down they're all about liquidity and mobility like very intelligent warriors who understand that i've got to be liquid and mobile because i don't know where the the x is going to be but i know i won't be on it and the resource that helps is obviously money all right yeah and i hope man i hope i'm just being paranoid and that that's a wrong with healthy paranoia yeah i mean it's when it keeps you up at night it's when you begin i believe there's a tipping point to anything like my dad was taking uh whatever like two baby aspirin a day his heart's doing just fine i bet if he took a handful a day it'd probably burn a hole in his stomach it's it's when we hit the tipping point which goes back to your social media example that the algorithm sucks us down this hole this rabbit hole so accurately and gets us to believe that this is truly the reality and if we are not looking for the contrary actively looking for it we will begin to believe that this is a shit it hits the fan moment and i must i must prepare and what preparation looks like for one guy may be very different than the other no doubt yeah you were born in soviet controlled Armenia yes there how is that informed the what you're telling your kids about this moment might be the most interesting way to ask that as you were talking about see this is why i like hanging out with you this is the most selfish thing i do like like whether it's food with you or just this it's like i do realize that when you've grown up under communist control and then when your dad was a member of the communist party and so he kind of tell you you grew up hearing the stories so seeing it and then hearing the stories it does influence you and the way you think like shoot that government did that like they literally went to oppress the citizens like there was just different classes my dad was part of the 18 percent of the society and the soviet union who had a this different color dark red passport and i remember he'd be able to get bread and cheese from any store that he wanted when they were out and there were lines me and my mom would have to wait in lines until my dad became a member of the communist party and we never once waited in the line again in fact i grew up eating caviar we talked about this in your in your previous show the last time you interviewed me i was eating caviar in armenia for breakfast and then come here and i'm meeting like out of dumpsters and section eight housing so talk about it but that government did oppress its people and so i do realize that i look through life through those lens at times and so hearing you talk about like hey what if this is just like it's really good algorithm doing what it's supposed to do oh shit what if all right so i'm a little less paranoia cool more
Influence through Experience (01:12:38)
preparation yeah and then just live your life and just live your life um but it just breaks my heart when i see dude when i see people this far apart like our country humanity has never been this far apart and and maybe we need it we need to go so far apart where we feel the pain and then get back together again and maybe it's that i'm 48 years old and i've got more grade than i've ever had and i'm realizing that i've had a really good life experience and worried from what my kids are going to have is a life experience like
How to change the direction of humanity (01:13:12)
what's going to happen for them and their kids like i want to i can't wait to hold Andrew and Chloe's babies but i also know i'm gonna be like fuck what's life gonna look for like for them so i'm so hell bent on trying to influence society humanity in what i feel is a better way and i know it's you know hindsight's always 2020 and things always are more glamorous when you look back but how simple was it for us dude growing up in the 80s and 90s you know like all right so you got your walkman you got your cd player you're like there was no fentanyl to overdose on there was i will say though i was legitimately afraid of nuclear war i i did recall i took that was yeah really i mean that was like a thing and i was right at that age where my amygdala was just 80 percent of my brain during the cold war yeah and it was like hey this mutually assured destruction i remember having to explain that to my neighbors on and on the reason they won't launch nuclear missiles it's because of mutually assured destruction that's that's rough yeah so it i do remind myself of that like okay have we been this divided before probably i mean we're at civil war like literal guns being fired civil war people being killed so it's like we have gone through things like this and people rebound and we're super resilient but i don't think it happens by accident and so it's like how do we you know nudge each other back in a loving direction is how i think about it but how do we think it comes with the individual and i think that's where it comes when we try and change a whole party's ideology and belief system it's not going to work it's going to be the individual like the individual watching this listening to this right now i'm going shoot i had two different ideas on on maybe the rules of life and how things work but then they kind of agreed that there is a radiance within us whether it's we're born with it or we have to turn it on and then stoke that fire um yeah i could i could bind to the idea of that there's something within us that needs to thrive so to your point the right place to start is with yourself right so trying to figure out okay what do i have wrong how do i be the open mind that comes to the table to try to you know find a path forward but i just don't feel like i have wisdom in this like Ray Dalio talks a lot about things that have happened in history but that have not happened in your life and the things that are going on right now have happened in history but they haven't happened in my life and because i'm so experiential like for whatever reason i've always had to learn things the hard way and so yeah i don't know that i have any wisdom to impart here but in my i find it very fascinating and i really want to understand what's happening like what is this revealing about human nature i don't think we can ever count on the algorithm to do anything other than maximize what humans respond to and unfortunately we respond to certainty extraordinarily strongly which is the opposite of an open mind we respond to fear a lot more than the flip side it's going to be a lot harder to have a good new show than it is to have a bad new show right if it bleeds it leads and so all of these things are real so it's like okay i know all of these things are real what can i do like do you have it but i know you do i know the punchline to this but like what's your advice to people on social media like how do you deal with it how do you make it a part of your life do you not make it a part of your life i do it's a very big part of my life but i i divide social media people into two camps consumers and creators
Social Media Advice And Entrepreneurship
Toms advice to people on social media (01:16:51)
and i believe that you're better off being a 90 percent creator 10 consumer and that's what i am and i create content that the one point version of me would want because i've been able to take myself from 1.0 to 2.0 and if 10.0 is my goal then when i get to 3.0 i'll create content for the 1.0 and 2.0 version of myself and if i feel like that's what you've done i have to see your evolution over the last four or five years i feel like you are coaching the younger tom who are like tom 1.0 out there in society it's it ain't rocket science that social media is a business and it is there to stoke fear create a level of certainty and also it stokes uncertainty so that we can be attracted to those that that speak in certainty that's what's beautiful about social media when you just look back at the hell that social media is it creates uncertainty and it's like well what do you mean well this face of social media has probably caused a lot of kids to kill themselves like some kids have like been bullied been been felt like they don't belong fear of missing out right it's created this uncertainty within them and they felt that certainly the solution to this is death and so we do have to see how powerful this thing is like anyone would be stupid to not look at hitler or bin laden and and not realize there's something to take away from there that those those evil powers did have a great way of communicating that perhaps if we can learn that put it to good use that maybe we can do create good outcomes with it so my belief system on social media is to be a creator of content that the older version of you would benefit from and would help those people level up to the higher version of you and if we all did more of that and consumed less of it that would be less influenced by it but I also realize like there's literally like variable response the whole idea of this like it's a casino thing right like you pull this lot machine do I'm I gonna get the three cherries if I do I'm a winner shit only got two cherries that was close let me try again with another twenty dollar bill variable response so variable response works on pumping out dopamine like no one's business bro they figured out how to get this thing our brain to pump out the right addictive chemicals so well that you do goes back to routine goes back to morning ritual rules and rituals I believe will save someone from going down the social media depression anxiety time suck vacuum that it really is yeah rule except rules and rituals about it like I won't like more than three things right so if like you and Lisa and my friend Craig pop up and my first I'll like you three that's it if I just keep going I've now started to suck to the variable response funnel and now I'm gonna keep liking and liking I will literally just go through all my friend shit and it'll show me stuff from yours like six weeks ago like there's no end to it so I've I create rules and rituals and when I have rules and rituals and also I know I'm I have I'm an addictive person and I think most of us are man that's why we're so easily to get addicted to social media I'm an addictive person and so I know that I'm more susceptible to to getting addicted to that pattern and that pattern could and then I'm also CD so everything I do is obsessive that's a bad combination right apparently not for entrepreneurial not for entrepreneurial success to shape but in that path oh my god man to get addicted to it and then to go CD on it forget about it like this is why man I could eat a bag of bagels my wife was like that's like a baker's dozen 13 bagels and two things of Philadelphia cream cheese like where did it go like I must finish it all Tom I can't leave anything half finished even bagels how long would it take you to eat 13 bagels or I would stand at the kitchen buffet 45 minutes no way I thought you were gonna say four days no dude whoa yeah that's interesting I have an obsessive mind but not a I don't have an addictive personality so I don't find myself doing that if I I don't like eat one chip and then I'm fine but I'm like food used to be more of a problem for me food is not a problem but I thrive on rules to your point what are some rules and rituals that you have
Rules & rituals (01:21:32)
in place so we know the social media one yeah so there's a social media one uh you know going back full circle to a morning routine the best morning routines I believe start in the evening so some of the rules that I have read right right um no iPhone no no no no starting at what time for me at 9 p.m. because I go to bed at 10 okay no iPhone no iPad no laptop hour before bed hour before bed what are you doing talking to Diana were we either watching uh we'll typically watch right now we're watching uh the Bluths uh oh my god where they built it's a comedy show oh yeah yeah yeah oh god Arrested development there we go yeah we're watching that with the kids so we'll watch one episode of the Bluths or Arrested Development then we'll go on the hot tub kids will fuck around in the pool while we go on the hot tub is just relaxation yeah talking that's a rule too to relax talk 20 minutes 30 minutes while the kids goof off and then they go on the hot tub with us and we all get out they go to bed we go to bed 10 o'clock lights out um that's just how it worked out but screens off by 9 o'clock in terms of computer laptop and iPad we do watch a show and then go into the hot hot tub number one number two bring the 30 ounces of water upstairs with me because if I'm going to drink 30 ounces of water in the morning it needs to be on my nightstand otherwise it might take me 20 minutes to get there if I'm showering and doing all this shit create my GSD list at night before I believe taking that stuff out of my brain and putting it on a notepad just allows me to do a brain dump and I always put the hardest scariest thing that I'm going to do tomorrow morning the thing I want to avoid at the top of my GSD list right it's common sense and it's not swirling around in my head and my subconscious mind is keeping me awake thinking about it it's on a list of three to four things to do the worst one at the top of that list and so again that's another one of my evening rituals and I'll set my alarm and lights out off I go but but some other rules are that if there's people who always and today I've got 119 people blocked on my phone some friends some clients former clients I guess I should say some just people who were friends but it's the people that go hey Tom did you see this article about your brand your company your thing and it's always negative the ones that always do you like motherfucker did you hear that I was on the ink magazine did you hear that I was an entrepreneur magazine's top 500 fast-going franchises I didn't see you text me the link to that right but you hear that somebody died at a fit body bootcamp it's a gym people you die at a fit body bootcamp you know all of a sudden you're sending me you hear that somewhere in Tallahassee Florida somebody died at a fit body bootcamp thank you I'm aware of that right and so people who are just so quick to show up with negative news especially via text I just blocked them like I'll see a pattern I don't tell them or whatever like him and a block you got to not do that but if I see someone's got that pattern in my life they are addicted to causing drama I don't need that so that's one of my main rules as well of blocking them on my phone at which point they could just call the house line and talk to Marlon my house manager and not me at which point she'll leave a little notepad note and that's that those are my big major rules and then but mostly on social media create 90 percent consume 10 percent you have rules man I think that this is one of the most underutilized things for people that want to be successful you really you have to one identify what are the things that I struggle with what are rules that I can put in place for me the biggest one I know we've talked about this before is I have to be out of bed in 10 minutes or less because otherwise I will lose hours man it's crazy like I am still shocked I'm when it comes to laying in bed I'm like an alcoholic it's like no matter how many years go by that I don't do it I still every day want to do it it's super weird and I just find myself wanting to to lay in bed how do you like and maybe you feel like you've always had
How to be a savagely capable entrepreneur with Bedros (01:25:22)
this but how do you teach other people to be a savage you talk about being a servant savage and the need to be capable of that savagery yeah one do you mean savage literally or do you just mean being tough like how do you think about that both both I'm sure you would jump to my throat and like attempt to kill me and probably kill me if I even had made any attempt to attack me so like you need to be a savage right but you're also a savage in creating your your your businesses and in the impact they reshow a savage and like doesn't matter how you feel you're up doing your show you're up doing your ritual you're up stacking your wins it might be walking like molasses during days that you're not maybe even sleep well or having an off day but you're still savagely going through your day so savage in both ways I do believe that those who are skilled in the art of violence are least likely to become violent and I've known this really interesting why do you say that because of my experience as a kid so growing up in section 8 housing so so in
Why the skilled are never violent (01:26:29)
Russia judo and sambho are some martial arts that were really big in the soviet union so my dad taught me that very quickly judo sambho and then soon as I became 11 years old he put me into kimpo karate kicking and and punching and this is pre jujitsu era and growing up in section 8 housing so I'm the foreigner imagine me the foreigner kid with the funny bull haircut and the clothes of my mom made the section 8 housing and and in Santa Ana there was a game called f-troop they're still out there causing violence but my dad had bought me a little bike like from a garage sift like eight bucks or something dude it was like rusty and but it worked right and then these gang bangers stole it and they lived in the same complex and the neighboring complex they stole it I went home kind of crying like hey this is what happened my dad gave me a beating because that's what the communist dad does and when I told that to Kevin by the way my therapist he's like hey anything I ever happened to he was a kid like do you want to talk about because he helped me with my stress and anxiety and all that stuff right that was the reason I went to a therapist I was like no man like no there's nothing as a kid that I want to talk about like okay my he goes well what about your parents he goes well what about your parents and all my parents you know my mom spanked me my dad gave me a beating but I would have rather had those beatings and spankings and like all my other friends they were put on restriction for two weeks they can come out and play with their GI Joe's with me like they really had to like pay the price I just got a good beating and I can go out and play again Kevin and he's laughing he goes that didn't leave a scar and you're like nah I go plus what happened to me as a kid even before that was even worse but that's where I had enough I had apparently built enough rapport and trust with him where I hinted to what had happened to me hence being molested and that's how we were supposed to be one month of therapy ended up being 15 16 months because then
The Savage & the Servant. (01:28:15)
we started working on what happened to me as a kid but anyway going back to the savage and a servant what I found was that when my dad was he beat me and he goes if you don't come back with your bike the beatings will continue whoa that was a lot of money he spent eight bucks for having three four jobs living in the section eight housing that eight bucks and go towards food and water and all this other stuff that he put towards a bike give me a flathead screwdriver and as I go get the bike I didn't have to ask him what I do with the flathead screwdriver and so it was simple enough that the more violence I could cause the more compliant they became are you a big kid I was a bigger kid yeah I was a stocky kid and my two friends in America were my first friends in America were black section eight housing it's either Mexicans black kids or foreigners Dwayne and Torrance Torrance I found and when we stay in touch Torrance Jackson in Anaheim Dwayne I have no idea but he lived in apartment number 22 at the shade tree apartments
Are You a big Kid? (01:29:01)
god I still remember that we played snake in the grass together and all this so them two had my back and we went and got my bike and it didn't even have to take any use of the flathead screwdriver to get my bike back because they understood why we were there and and so but I realized in that moment that like all right sometimes violence is is the way but I also understood that violence could work against me when a whole bunch of them showed up and whooped my ass many years later put me in the hospital all this to tell you that you begin to and now man doesn't matter how big someone is how wiry someone is how muscular someone is someone who knows jujitsu or they've taken the you know a few months of of muyi Thai kickboxing like they will just like meet low through your face right then or just take take the air out of your brain and you're you're passed out and so today people are more dangerous than ever and when you realize that I don't know what are they saying texas like an armed society is a polite society well technically most
Violence And Social Behavior
People Are More Violent than Ever. (01:30:15)
people these days with the knowledge of violence that they have I just want to treat everyone as though you know jujitsu you know kickboxing you might have a flathead screwdriver in your back pocket and therefore I'm going to be cool to you so I'm going to be a servant but I love knowing that I could show up as a savage knowing that I don't really pull that card out unless I have to and the savage is also the guy or gal who's willing to they see a car accident everyone else is rubbernecking and you know taking video like that savage is someone who's running to that car breaking the glass window and pulling out the people out of it right there will in the stand in the gap between good and evil I don't know if I shared this with you on your show last time I was here my family and I we do our annual trip to Maui right around Christmas it's just something that we enjoyed Hawaii when we got married for our honeymoon so we decided to do an annual trip with the kids um several years back Andrew was probably six Chloe it was four we're flying back it's one of the from Maui we took an
Snapping on a Plane. (01:31:20)
11 p.m. flight back from Maui to LAX and uh it's those big jumbo jets where there's like the lay down seats up front like in the in the middle and on the sides and so we're in the very back of first class we all have our fun seats and then but way up front in first class there's a dude going off like smashing the seat I didn't tell you the story no okay so he's smashing dude we're up at like 35,000 feet up in the air we're over the Pacific Ocean bro like he he should have done this on the tarmac where they could have removed him yeah he's smashing the seat back in front of him and now the dude's like dude bro relax what's going on and he's just like foaming at the mouth going bananas people have gotten up and kind of gotten into that galley where they make your coffee and all that stuff and uh I look at my wife next to her is Chloe across the aisle my wife and Chloe and next to me is Andrew Andrew looks at me I'm like buddy everything's gonna be okay I look at my wife she looks at me I just like hey we're gonna be fine Chloe's knocked out sleeping I look at the guy behind my wife he's he's now sitting this thing up right and we made this eye contact like no words were spoken no words were spoken Tom but I just knew he had my back and I know he knew that I had his back now I'm thinking this is post 9/11 something happens like well I'm gonna dog pile in this background right because no I was gonna die because you're not landing this thing in the water so you got to make sure this guy just goes down so anyway long story short we see the flat attendance go all the way to the back they're coming down our end of the aisle they're plans to cut through the galley to create a wall between angry ballistic mad guy making the gun gesture and hitting everyone's seat they're trying to make a human wall between him and the cockpit got it so as they're coming down I see two interlaced black handcuffs those zip ties and I like stop the flat attempt like ma'am is everything okay how can we help like she goes he's a fight risk we need to ask him to put these on and I I'm like well can we help and she goes we have to ask him to put these on I guess the law is they have to ask you Tom so the next time if you decide to lose your shit on the plane he has to agree he has to agree interesting they kind of front of him three flat attendance and you can see this older lady flat attendant gesturing like got to put this on he stands up he's like I'm not putting those fucking things on she looks up towards me and like help I look at this guy just through the corner of my eye and I see him standing up and we both I had just finished remember I told you I did the six week marathon challenge I just since that I've been doing like about two challenges a year I just finished an MMA challenge nice I was like all right man I want to learn to really fight right let's see how this works yeah with at the time king of the cage welterweight champion erin wetherspoon awesome tiny little guy tatted up peaceful until he brought me on the mats and he would just have his
Drew's Big Secret (01:34:07)
way with me but in six weeks he he taught me some really cool stuff and then he went in the ring and beat the shit out of me because every six week challenge has to end with either a marathon or whatever right so anyway that's a different story so I we go and that's just me in this guy and I look at this guy he's like what are you gonna do about it I was like bro just put those things on like just like it'd be cool right I'm wearing flip flops and I got my hilo hatty shirt on it's like fucking we're coming from Maui dude sweating profusely because I'm nervous he goes to shove me and I did exactly what erin wetherspoon taught I parried out of the way got behind him and got him in a rear naked chokehold tom I'm not gonna lie to you bro I hope erin wetherspoon never sees this video in the back of your mind you're like okay I'm paying this guy to coach me so like the times that I got him in an arm bar or rear naked chokehold or guillotine maybe he was just like kind of going with it you know he really wasn't choking he just tapped because I'm paying him right dude it worked so I'm choking this guy out I'm on his back I'm talking in his ear like dude just calm down now he's bucking like a bronco I'm sliding out of my flip flops because I'm sweating and I'm wearing flip flops and he's taller than me so I'm like my toes right I'm like that's right erin said like when that happens take a deep breath it'll tighten up more and then he started to like crumple over Tom it's working he's on his knees I'm on his back now I'm like shit now the one dude who's here to help me he's trying to wedge he's trying to wedge the zip ties between my gut and his back and bring his arms back and it's not working I'm like look at what would erin do I quickly got him in a guillotine chokehold you know the old elementary school get a kid in the chokehold and walk him around the campus thing that would happen to me all the time because I get bullied right so dude I flipped around and got him in the guillotine and it worked and this guy zip ties him he zip tied really too tight and so the zip tie cut into him so with the re-zip time that's a different story anyway a flat attendance may made us sit in the back with him we take turns jesus yeah we've got all the hummus and wine you could drink and eat on the flight and then we landed in LAX LAPD took him away and that was that but all this to say that thank god that my dad had instilled a savage mindset in me like you have to be the one that does something son you can't just be the one who goes hey someone should do something about that and so that's always been my mindset it's a fact that crossed my arms ago someone should do something about that maybe I should be the one maybe I should be the one funding that movement maybe I should be the one saving that person out of the fire or saving that flight whatever the thing is and so I've always but I also want to show up as a servant and love you up and how much value can I add to your life and what can I do to connect and cause I also realize I'm a big commanding guy and so I could come off as a threat so look I see a ping pong table everybody let's play a ping pong you know plus I enjoy it so anyway that's I believe the more savage servants we can build the more confident capable protectors and providers we will have men will finally feel that they have this role in their life there every guy feels like they want to have conflict like we have this thing called the project it's a 75 hour men's personal development program but a 75 hour
Teaching Gentlemen to be Violent (01:37:07)
straight so my lead instructor for it Ray is a former navy seal then we have the psycho sociopathic form marine I've learned not to say former marine once a marine always a marine apparently then there's me teaching life productivity time management building businesses because they're all entrepreneurs that come to this thing MMA fighter former SWAT operator teaches pistols and rifle stuff and so we really T 90 percent of these guys when the marine asks how many of you mother fuckers have never hit another man before 90 percent of the hands go up how many of you have ever choked out another man 90 percent have never choked out on him hands go up and so realize yet they still have a desire you're a man you have this desire to be aggressive to to have some level of conflict to be able to like but you can't because society has neutered us so much and so there we teach these guys to be violent but to also learn how to control their violence so that they're not because otherwise when you never show your violence and your savage within you become a passive aggressive man and that is where toxic masculinity begins the passive aggressive man the nice guy syndrome there's a great book out there called no more mr nice guy that's the passive aggressive man that's you know toxic masculinity is the passive aggressive man who will yell at his wife and put his fist through a wall at home where it's safe but where when he's supposed to stand in the gap or raise his voice in a situation where the opportunity of right and wronger presented or jump out of a seat and choke a motherfucker out he won't do that he won't do that because he's not really sure if I can I know I could probably yell at my wife and my kids and scare them well here's your chance to fight with the pugel stick here's your chance to wrestle a guy here's your chance and when they do they realize oh you know what first of all I could take a punch secondly I know what it feels like to get choked out and choke another man out you know I think I am going to go learn this thing on my own jujitsu or moo-wee tie and every single one of them report back that they're more peaceful that they have less stress because you're on the mat two to three times a week or in the ring getting after it I literally have zero stress bro like because of it in terms of like where I want to like rage out and kill someone because I'm like somebody else might try and kill me like I'm just gonna be cool this is very interesting to me because it's the very thing that I know I have not focused on in my life and ought to but the first time that somebody put it on my radar was for us the hobby who was the I don't know if he was the all-around MMA coach of George St. Pierre but certainly the jujitsu coach for George St. Pierre and had him on the show in the early early days and he said Tom I want to choose kindness I don't want kindness to be my only option I was like damn very good point and then Jordan Peterson is started talking about this recently where he looked at the phrase from the bible the meek shall inherit the earth I have to admit this always bothered me because I always interpreted meek as weak so it's like why would the weak inherit the earth it doesn't make sense like I know that
The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth (01:40:21)
it isn't true and so how does that like the bible believe it as a literal thing or not it's got wisdom that's obviously lasted for a reason so I was like how why does that resonate so Jordan Peterson whether he's right or not it's another question but this feels right looks up I think the ancient Greek translation of meek and it means to basically to be good with a sword but keep it sheathed and so there's a reason they didn't say the weak shall inherit the earth but when you are a competent fighter then you can choose combat or you can choose not to but there's no internal conflict there's no nervous aggressive like a chihuahua that's like barking and freaking out because it feels like it has to act big and tough because if if it can't get you to back down and it actually goes to blows now it's going to be in trouble because it doesn't actually know how to fight you know or just paralyzed like you said in there they just stay because they're you know afraid that they won't be able to do anything and I do feel that that is one that as guys you do have that impulse that you get in an elevator and you think could I take this guy right like even in business like it still does run across your mind and so to not address it I think does it to to not have that tool in your arsenal just robs you of one more thing but also it sets up what you're talking about where you've got people who are like guys are going to try to get laid full stop period end of story it just is what it is and so if you don't have that confidence you don't feel like you can be manly and sort of win over a woman's heart by being this sort of prototypical tough guy not even tough guy but like to have that yeah a dangerous man but but meek in the that your weaponized but you keep your weapon hidden then you go for the nice guy tactic oh the the subtlety the more feminine way of being sly where it's reputational oh he's not the right guy for you anyway like they you know they slide in that way there's a whole strategy that in the animal kingdom there are actually like frogs that do this I think there are other ones as well where there is a legitimate male strategy where they try to look like a female and so they they can bypass the dominant male and they can wait it's crazy so it's uh it is a I fear a strategy that that guys are tempted to deploy but it isn't a confident grounded expansive strategy it's a sort of shifty like secretive desperate it's a desperate attempt not a good energy when that's your only tool you have to make that tool as useful as possible and so and a lot of dudes end up in in the nice guy friend category it's like
Guys Who End Up in the Friendzone (01:43:23)
hey how do you how do you become a friend you're trying to get laid and now your friend there was a comedian I forget the comedian he goes with all those people he just described those guys they're the dick in the jar now because then when that girl gets a boyfriend as in soon as there's a conflict with the boyfriend and she goes I hate him I'm thinking of breaking up that's the guy who goes like in case of emergency break glass right you know what yeah he is a bad guy he is a dick maybe maybe you're hoping that if he just also pisses on the boyfriend that he can get laid for the night like that's not a cool way to do it but if that guy also had the tools of confidence and he was capable and he knows how to protect but he also knows how to say cool like fonzi because there's no good even in the best fight where you win you still get hit I've been stabbed whoa I've I've got a giant scar on my calf like the guy went down I hit him because when you hit him and you're like I'm done and then he pulls out an knife and just slices your calf that's how you get stabbed in your calf so even in your best fights you still get hit in the process of trying to win and so but see again if someone's been on the mats before they've been in a ring before they've been in a fight before you realize like okay it's gonna hurt it's gonna hurt me even when I win can I now try and talk my way out of this can I be cool if I have to I can always resort to that but can I be cool but if but if that shifty desperate I'm the I'm the beta you're the alpha thing is the only tool I got I don't want that dude I don't want that desperate thing because what if I'm with my family and you decide not to have mercy on me and I can't plead my way out of this I want to be able to like get both thumbs in your eye holds as quickly as possible right that's just a reality we all let you set it man we go in the elevator we'd start like sizing people
The Predator'S Mindset
The Predators Mind (01:45:17)
up that's just how it is I don't know about you but I've got such a predator's mind that I'll be in an I'll be in a grocery store and I'll see like a woman with a purse and she's like looking at something I'm like I could steal that purse right now I see a guy who's like in his car and he's got his door open but he's got his head in his ass is sticking out I'm like that five series BMW could be mine right now like I know exactly what I would do to like pull him out of his car and take that car so quick like I do believe that every man has a predator's mind it's in our it's just a way we're wired but I also have experienced a lot of violence where I've had my ass whooped where I'm like that dude could also have a concealed carry permit as I'm pulling him whack that also that dude could also grab a knife and slice because I've been sliced before right and so and I would never do that these days right like the old me I've car jacked and home invasion robberies but the the new me like realizes that there's people the great might equalizers the gun the knife or multiple people and if you get past all those and there's a universal karmic justice that always has to take place to balance out you know you being an asshole means your kid gets cancer interesting I believe in that too that my sins will be paid for by my kids and so I have to add so much value bro to make up for all those fucking years of being an asshole it's a useful way to look at it even if it's not literally true where can people follow you best place to follow me is on instagram at bedro's cooling I love it guys follow him he's absolutely incredible he's right about an incredible amount of things and speaking of incredible things if you haven't already be sure to subscribe and until next time my friends be legendary take care peace I think there's a misnomer around like education and so a lot of them I don't know how explicit I can be but like they mentally masturbate so watching lots and lots of videos they you know want the pump up features they buy the tickets to the things and so they just learn and I think that they think that exposure to information is learning