What Everyone Struggling Needs to Know Right Now | Ed Mylett on Impact Theory | Transcription
Transcription for the video titled "What Everyone Struggling Needs to Know Right Now | Ed Mylett on Impact Theory".
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When I'm working out, I always do one extra rep, one extra set because it's a promise I kept to myself and here's the biggest thing. It's a pattern. It's a pattern I keep of me. I always do a little extra. I always go the extra inch and the quickest and easiest place to do it is the gym because I can always grab one more weight, one more set. And here's what it does. It shifts your identity. Everybody, welcome to Impact Theory. Our goal with this show and company is to introduce you to the people and ideas that will help you actually execute on your dreams. Today's guest went from broke and having to shower at a public pool to building his own business in a net worth of hundreds of millions of dollars. Today, he's recognized as one of the premier business leaders in the world, but initially his dream was to be a professional baseball player. And he was well on his way when a career ending injury crushed his dreams. In an instant, he lost all motivation and drive, but thankfully his father, a recovering alcoholic who understands the power of effort, refused to let him quit on his life, and got him a job working at a group home for disadvantaged and abused boys. In seeing the positive impact he was able to have on the lives of these kids, a light switched on in his mind. He discovered that being of service fed him far more than success and baseball ever had. So when an opportunity with World Financial Group presented itself, he went into it with an attitude of service rather than greed, and this shift in his perspective ended up making all the difference. It was a journey filled with amazing highs and absolutely desperate lows, but because he had the powerful desire to help and serve, as well as provide for his own family, he persevered and ultimately turned his business into a massive success. Becoming one of the youngest CEO MDs in the company's history, and from there he continued to grow, building one of the most successful and inspiring nationwide teams of associates in WFG history. A track record of success that saw him name the agency chairman, as well as being recognized around the globe as a peak performance expert who has equal parts love and insanely high standards. So please help me in welcoming the man who as a broke kid pointed at a beautiful cliff overlooking the sea and said, "One day I'm going to live there, and now he does. Head my let." I'm so glad to be here. Dude, it's awesome to have you here. I've been at admire of yours for a long time, so the honors mind. That means a lot. Researching you was a lot of fun, and that is really the reason that I either bring a guest on or don't. It's really incredible what you've done to your mindset. And the thing that I have the chills, just thinking about asking this question, there's a Malcolm X quote that you really like. Tell me what it is and why it's so powerful. That which you do not hate, you will eventually tolerate. And I think that identifies most people's lives. In other words, the average becomes sort of like the slow asphyxiation. It's almost like an anesthetic. And that over time we become kind of immune and dulled to the average that we're becoming. I know this is true, at least for me, you probably experienced it yourself too. And so over time we sort of minimize where we're at. In other words, I'm a little pudgy instead of being, "No, you're fat ass." You don't magnify the degree to which the pain ought to be affecting you. And so really what he means in that is listen, you're going to get out of your life what you'll accept. That's really difficult for people I think to understand is look what you think you're worth and what you're going to tolerate is absolutely what you're going to bring into your life and what the outward part of your life is going to look like. And so I live by that. Like I let myself sort of feel the pain and the difficulty of being not where I want to be in whatever that area is. Whether it's my spirituality, my relationships, my money. I let myself feel that pain because as you know there's two motivators, right? There's the gaining of pleasure, right? Wanting to go get something chasing the dream. But then there's the avoidance of pain. And for a lot of champions, that's a pretty big driving force for them. And so at least for me, I leverage both of those things on me to get myself to take action. So that's what that means to me. You've got the whole concept of blissfully dissatisfied, which I think is brilliant. Thank you. Walk people through what that is, but what I really want to know is how do you keep that from breaking you? Wow, no one's asked me that before. It's along the same vein really as getting what you'll tolerate. So there's this misnomer and you've watched this even in your own life or the successful people you've interviewed. So there's this thing people think that like, I'll be happy when. Once I get like this big amazing home or once I get this car or once I get this relationship or an amount of money, then I'll allow myself some happiness.
Personal Development And Self-Improvement
Blissful Disatisfaction (04:43)
The problem is the finish line always moves. You never arrive there, right? The other part is people think, well, if I enjoy myself now, I'm going to lose my drive. In other words, if I can just wire myself with enough pain all the time, I won't lose my driver ambition. The truth is there's no correlation between the two and all of them. There's no correlation between the two at all. There's no relationship between you feeling complete pain all the time and losing drive. And so I talk about living in a state of blissful dissatisfaction and really the best example of that would be like if you've ever, I love a good meal, right? If I bought into a great piece of steak, if you're a steak eater like I am, you take that first bite. It's like complete bliss, right? There's no correlation between how great that tasted and your lack of desire for the next bite. In fact, that bliss causes you to want more of it. And so the more we can begin to reward ourselves with bliss, we're not going to lose our dissatisfaction. We're not going to lose that. And so for me, our brains, there's dopamine hit you get when you do something successful. If you constantly cheat yourself out of that hit, right, biomechanically in your body, less and less in the future where you want to achieve the next level, the next dream, the next step. And that's why so many people stall out in life. They didn't, they got to a certain point and they cheated themselves out of the bliss, out of the celebration. It's important that we celebrate our wins. We celebrate our lives because it causes us to want the next bite. It keeps us hungry or not the reverse. And so for me, I want to live in a state of being grateful and blissful now, not waiting for some future place or date that may never arise. So that's what it means for me. Yeah, no. That concept to me is really powerful. And I talk a lot about, so 80/20, right? I spend 80% of my time thinking about the things that are amazing in my life that I'm grateful for, the beautiful things that I want to build and create. But I also spend 20% of my time kicking myself in the ass because otherwise you get really stagnant. But the feedback that I get from people is they end up going down a dark path. Like how do you help people not begin to erode their self-confidence and maybe the right place to start with that is where does self-confidence come from? Right, which is important because there's no relationship between that and eroding your self-confidence. In other words, self-confidence is really self-trust. So the first thing is the people I know that are really happy are very self-aware. In fact, the best entrepreneurs I know are very self-aware. They're aware of their shortcomings, right? They want to improve them. They want to get to the next version of themselves all the time. And so for me, self-confidence comes because I didn't have it. And I think anytime you meet somebody like yourself or myself who might now appear self-confident, it's because I really had to find tools and resources because I was so insecure and shy and introverted. So I had to find techniques and resources to build that up in me. And for me, it's very simple. It's the promises that I keep to myself. If I have a habit over and over, beginning to stack one on top of the other, of keeping promises I make to me, not other people. In other words, the minute you begin to get external in your life, worrying about what other people think about you, right? You've lost all control and it never fills you up. And people's admiration, people's gratitude towards you will never fill you up at your own, at your own inside. And so for me, self-confidence comes from keeping the promises I make to myself and the other part of it is being aware I'm doing it. In other words, most people don't give themselves enough credit all the time. They're very aware of these 20% things and not aware of the 80, right? And that's why the dosage is so important too. You've nailed it. It should be 80, 20, right? Because people get addicted to this. I'm not good at this. People don't like this about me. I don't feel good instead of focusing on the 80 and stacking up, wow, I did eat what I said I was going to today. I did get up when I said I was going to. I made the amount of phone calls. I treated people in such a way I promised myself. It's not just doing those things. It's rewarding it. It's being aware of it and stacking that up. When I work with athletes, the successful athletes I work with, when they're in a slump, it's never that they can't hit a ball anymore or make a shot or swing a golf club. They've lost their self-confidence. Somewhere along the way, they've lost the ability to focus on the things they are great at and stacking those promises they make to themselves. And the way I get them to break their slump is not correcting their swing or getting them positive.
Starting to have self-confidence (08:50)
It's getting them to acknowledge the small promises showing up to batting practice, really hitting that extra bucket of balls, beginning to reward themselves for the extra promises they keep to themselves, puts them back in a state of self-confidence. All of a sudden they're hitting the ball great again. This is so important, man, and I really hope people are listening in your story. So incredible. And if we have more time, we can go down every avenue. When you were starting out, you broke, your wife's car got foreclosed on, your water was turned off at one point. It's literally crazy. How do you begin to build that, for real you, not in the abstract, but how did you begin to build your self-confidence when you're teaching people how to do something that you don't feel like you're going to be able to do something? You haven't actually done in your life. That moment is where most people get trapped. They see you now successful and they just write you off a little bit because it's like, well, you've done it. But if they can see you at that moment and understand what you're telling yourself and get to the reality of your velcroing your car to look like a Mercedes. So there's this really weird, like, you're not quite, like, just fully accepting where you are, but yet you really do accomplish it. Yeah. Wow. That is such a good question. That's another question I've not been asked that way before. So if we really go back and we look at it, I had a couple good things happen for me or to me. One was at that time my wife did get frank with me. This is not who you are. This is not what you're about. I don't recognize this person. This is who you are. And I had a other person to my benefit pointing out to me the things that were great about me. Now, this is going to sound hokey, but I'm going to give you the big one. And this is why life gives you these great tests. I had a really good friend of mine. I went to lunch and he said, "I don't know who this guy is here in front of me." And he goes, "Let me ask you a question, honestly. Right now, what are you grateful for?" And at the lunch I said, "Jack shit. Nothing, brother. There's nothing good in my life right now." And I'm not exaggerating this to you when I tell you this. And this is a factual story. As I'm mouthing these words, two people walked in with an older man. Both of them clearly were fighting cancer somehow. Both had lost their hair. One of the ladies had a bonnet on. And they were barely moving in. Both walked by our table and gave me the most warm greeting, the warmest smile as a stranger. And he goes, "That's pretty frickin' pathetic. You can't find anything in your life to be grateful for right now." And on the drive home, I'm not kidding you, I started to stack gratitude. I started to take inventory. Because if you can find things to be grateful for in that space, man is your life going to be rich when there really are external things to be grateful for. So my first mechanism out of that space was honestly to stack the things I was grateful for. And I started reinforcing it over and over and over again. And what happens is, there's this particular activating system in our brains, right? And all of a sudden, because that's the messaging I was giving myself, all of a sudden, all these things start to come into my awareness that I'm grateful for. I start to magnetize to myself some people that I needed to find into my life, and that was the next layer. I started to see things to be grateful for, my health, my fitness, people who loved me. And when it did, it changed my state. When I stacked gratitude, I changed what I did in the morning, and I changed what I did in the evening. And so somehow by grabbing control of my morning, and by grabbing control of my evening, I got some measure of control over the middle of my day. I was an out of control person back in those days, meaning this. I woke up, worried, stressed, fearful, and I immediately started thinking about a bill I had to pay, something that was wrong. And I'm in a state of reaction to begin every, I'm talking within six minutes of waking up, six seconds. Most people listening to this, that's what they do. I said, I got to grab control of my morning, and I set up routines in my morning. Maybe they served me maybe they didn't, but they were things I could deliver on doing for myself. And so not only do that, give me control over the day, but I started to stack my self-confidence too. And what were some of those things that you grabbed onto? Huge. So, and I have a, I had my pitching this, but I do have audios out on this stuff too that people can go get for free. Which, by the way, are amazing. Thank you, man. Thanks. No, 100%. And I really hope people will dive in. Thank you. Your content is incredible. Thank you. So is yours, which is why I wanted to find you. And it's, I've been, for a long time, wanted to be in your presence. So, my morning routines are really detailed. I get up and I hydrate. The second thing I do every morning is I do something cold. Something cold. So, whether that's I jump in the ocean, because now I live in the ocean, but in those days it was taking a cold shower or splashing some cold water in my face or walking out when it was cold. It shocks our nervous system. Our fight or flight kicks in. We're at a cellular, electric alive state. I obviously do some prayer and meditation every single morning. I've still not touched my telephone. So there's a rule. There's 30 minutes I can not touch my telephone when I wake up. That's the hardest thing to do in the world and the thing that could benefit you the most. Because whatever on that phone you have to react to. And typically it's stuff that's not great. And so I don't touch that. I do my meditation and my prayer. And I do some stretching. I do some breathing exercises. And then at that point I allow myself to enter the world after I've got my state controlled. And I work out every morning. Except for Sundays. I work out every morning. Talk to me about working out. That's something that completely changed my life. Obviously. And every time somebody asks me a question about how do I, I'm lost, I feel completely out of control. I don't have confidence. My answer is workout. Me too. So, why? Well, I think everything in our lives starts with our body. If you're a person of faith you believe that's where your soul is housed. And so, you do emotions. You don't just feel them. You do them.
You do emotions (14:24)
In other words, and you know this from things you've learned in your life. But like joy is an actual action. Not just an emotion. We feel a certain joy. There's a certain breathing. A certain movement in our body. Depression and sadness is something we do. We're more hunched over. Our breathing is more shallow. Right? And so, there's a correlation between the way you move your body and your emotions. They're directly, this is even before we get to dopamine hits and our nervous system being. I'm just telling you that the way you move your body is an emotion. You do emotions. And so, when you move your body, you can't be in full workout mode. Moving your body. Running, walking, jumping jacks, jump rope and be depressed. They don't go together simultaneously because your body doesn't get the connection. I'm moving like I'm joyful. I'm moving like I'm having sex. I'm moving like I'm happy. These are all joyful states. You can't be depressed simultaneously. So, the quickest way to change our behavior, our emotions in our state is with our body. Alright, now let's talk about the like end sets. The ones that really burn and really hurt. One thing that I've found is, and you've talked about this with entrepreneurship in general. You said it's the greatest like self-awareness mechanism. You're going to find out who you are, what you're capable of, how hard you're willing to push. Most people though getting into that position, like it's hard. Right? That's sort of a bridge too far. Yes. But when you start in the gym and it's like do I do this extra set or not, do I push myself, do I do an extra exercise, you going back to confidence and self-trust, it's like you begin to learn something about yourself. Oh boy, I'm stealing that from you. No, please man. And that legitimately changed my life. And so when I see guys that are successful entrepreneurs and they're jacked, that never surprises me. So I play these very strange games with myself when I'm at the gym. When I'm working out, I always do one extra rep, one extra set because it's a promise I kept to myself. And here's the biggest thing. It's a pattern. It's a pattern I keep of me. I always do a little extra. I always go the extra inch. And the quickest and easiest place to do it is the gym.
Identity Drives Behaviour (16:26)
Because I can always grab one more weight, one more set. And here's what it does. It shifts your identity. Talk to me about identity because that is, so I heard that first from Tony Robbins, the notion that identity drives behavior. And that was one of those lightning rod moments where I was like, whoa, that's the hook, right? If I want to change my behaviors, I need to think of myself in a different way. Correct. You've leveraged identity really powerfully. How have you done it? And what are some specific moments where identity came to your rescue? So identity is the governor on our lives. It's the invisible force that no one understands. And once they do understand and get a hold of it, their life can change. And so not only if you don't get a hold of this, will these outward conditions of your life keep being exactly the same? But you could behave differently. You could do all the work. You could be thinking great thoughts. But you are going to get out of your life. You're going to be the most powerful force in the world, I think, is to be consistent with the concepts, ideas, and worth that you hold for yourself. You will get that out of your life, what you will tolerate. The deeper part of that is identity. And so identity is very much like a thermostat sitting on a wall, right? This is important. Once that temperature is set at a certain degree, everything in the world externally can hit it. And you will find a way to get that temperature. So even in this house, let's say it's set at 80 degrees. If we opened up all the doors and cold air, just the worst things in life, the blizzard of life came in, the thermostat will kick the heater on and it will regulate this room back to 80 degrees. The reverse is also true. It's a super hot day. Great things are happening in your life. It's getting hotter and hotter and hotter. If you're at 80 degrees, that internal thermostat will find a way over a window of time to cool your life right back down to 80 degrees again. So the key, the secret key is to be able to shift that identity. 90, 100, 120. So some of the ways strategies to do that are very simple. One is if I, let's just say financially, you're a 200 degreeer and I'm an 80 degreeer. If I'm in your proximity over and over and over and over again, you will heat my identity up somewhere in between mine and yours to 150 degrees. Same in fitness, same in everything. The more you can layer in multiple people, the stronger and stronger that forces. So that changes our thermostat through association. It's a huge, huge, huge, huge thing. People say you are who the five people are you hanging around. This is why. They adjust your thermostat. That's number one. Second way you can change your identity is through doing short bursts of something in a window of time. You've not done them before and they change the thermostat temperature permanently. Almost like a water line in the pool. So if it's a certain in the gym, certain amount in the gym, or a certain amount of phone calls in your business, or certain amount of appointments, you make a certain amount of money. Oftentimes you're never the same again. You've seen this when your own net worth. I've seen it in mine. There became a point where I made a leap in a short window. I was never really the same again. I could go back a little bit, but not back where I was before. So it's activity or successes, achievements in short bursts of time. And then obviously our self-confidence impacts identity too and we've kind of covered that. Those are three quick ways.
Adjusting Your Mix (19:20)
That's incredible. So walk me through your baseball career ends. I know that your dad and you were now, you said he's your best friend. But growing up, alcoholic father, you said, "I think you were 14 or 15." That's right. And then they're introducing you constantly as the shy kid who plays baseball. Baseball falls away. And now it's like, how do you get out from under? Well, I'm the son of somebody that struggled with drugs and alcohol. I'm the kid who was supposed to be great at baseball and now that's gone. How do you get out from under the weight of that? Yeah, it is weight too. When I was small, I was also really undersized. So it's probably one of the reasons I lift weights. I was always the every baseball picture on the kid holding a sign in the front. So I was small and skinny. They used to tease me at East spaghetti. And I'd get bullied at school and I never retaliated. So I had that mixed with shyness, mixed with chaos in my home, which many people can relate to. And I got to tell you that the shift for me, sports was good for me. Because it gave me an out that I finally found something that I was pretty good at. I think the biggest shift in our lives, the things that makes us the happiest, is that when somebody helps us identify our natural giftedness. And when I was a little boy, when I got a little bit older, they pointed out my speed. So it wasn't my lack of size. I was fast. I was the fast kid, right? I always wanted to be fast kid. And I got confidence in baseball doing that. When I got into business, they said, "You know, you're intense." When someone points out a gift about you that you also kind of intuitively know to be true, they're linked to them. You're intense. You're passionate. You won't get out work. You're relentless. I am those things. And when someone linked those gifts to me winning, now I believed I could win. That's the other way to change identity. Is when someone can link your giftedness to the victory, you'll believe it. Not like you're great. That's general. That's bullshit. But it's something you know specifically. Like for you right now, you wouldn't brag about them. There's a few things you know. You know what? I am good at these things. I've always been good at these things. It's natural for me. And when someone links that to you winning, like for you, for example, you're an unbelievable interviewer. You have this general. You don't need to be the smartest person in the room because you probably are most of the time. So there's a confidence that allows you to be present when you interview me and just listen that's different than anyone who's interviewed me before. And so that's a natural giftedness for you, which is why there's a part of you that kind of knows, "I am pretty." You wouldn't say it, "I am pretty good at this." This is a good program. And so the way we change our identity, the way I changed mine was by getting in touch with what some of my natural gifts were and then using them in my career, using them in my life, that shifted the weight right off of me. Because the weight was, "I suck. I'm shy. I'm small. I have a screwed up family." That's the weight, right? The lifting off of the weight is these are some gifts God gave me, or the universe gave me, or that at least I know I have. And I can spend my life using these gifts. Now I've got hope. Now my identity is changing. Now my life takes a different direction.
Getting to the next version of you (22:16)
That's amazing. One thing that you have talked about, and this is, I think, the thing about your notions on identity that I find really incredible, is that in the early days of you building your business, you said, and I quote, "I was a dick." But you were open to hearing that. Most people can't hear that. So that's a moment where you accept that your identity is something that you're not proud of. How do you make that change? How do you go in a new direction where somebody, instead of pointing out something beautiful, they're pointing out something ugly? Yeah. Most of you, the friends that you revere the most, the most willing to take coaching from you. 100% Me too. And so I can't tell you why I'm this way, but I do believe it was baseball. I never took it personally when a coach said, "You drop on your shoulder." In other words, because of athletics, when a guy said, "Spread your right leg out. Your legs are too close together." I never thought, "I suck. I can't hit. I wanted to know how to hit better. I wanted to know how to throw better." And so for me personally, I'm constantly in a crisis to get to the next version of me. It's not like I'd like to. I wish I only would like to. I'd probably have a little bit more peace in my life. I am in a crisis to get the next version of me. And so the guy sitting in front of you right now, if I come back in a year and I'm just the same exact person with the same thoughts, same ideas, same ways of delivering them, this was a wasted year of my life. So I want to know how to get to that next version of me. And so for those of you that struggle with taking criticism, I got to ask yourself, "How important is it to you to grow?" Because you were put on earth to grow, to contribute, to serve, to help. You were in your way. And the current version of you is perfect as it stands right now, but it will be inferior next year. You're perfect as you are now, especially you ladies listening to this. There's all this messaging. You're not this. You're not smart enough. Women are too dominant than they're a diva, right? Or you're not beautiful enough. Ladies, men, you too. You are perfect as you exist right now. But that version of you isn't sufficient next year. You've got to be crazy, hungry, crisis to get to that next version of you. I want the data. I want the input. I want the information. I want the feedback to get to the next version of me, regardless of how it emotionally makes me feel. I'm like driven by that. Without that information, why am I living? Dude. That whole concept, when people really ask how I've been able to be successful, it's that. I'm stoked on who I am today. 100%. I'll give myself the pat on the back before anybody else. But I'm so desperate to get better. I'm so hungry to know why I'm inadequate right now for what I want. So the way that I sum it up is your past can never be bigger than your future. So it's like once you've done something, I've built a billion dollar business. But for me, I'm not looking at that. I want to know what do I need to do and become in order to hit that next thing? Not only are all achievers doing that, but all happy people do that. In other words, here's how we know you're perfect now.
If you want more, you need more (25:07)
You've produced the external life you have. So you are perfect for that life right now. You are all you need to be right now. But if you want a different life, an improved life, a growing life, an increased life, this version of you is inferior to get to that place. And so the reason we have rapport, the reason we like it shows like I also want to be surrounded by people who are not messaging me. Is it enough enough? Everything's good man. Take a break and run. I may not want more money. You and I both have a lot of money. People probably like more. That's not my driver. I want more peace, more gratitude, more abundance, more contribution, more memories, more experiences, more joy, more love. That will never be enough for me. Put me in the ground if I don't get any more of that stuff. I want to grow. I want to see the next place. And so that's the journey. Those of you that have faith, if you believe there's this place you're going to someday, that's because you're always going some place. So you might as well want to get the information and the equipment to get there. And that's where I want to go.
How to raise your standards for yourself (26:07)
How do you keep your standards so high? And then how do you push them even higher the next year? I'm really lazy. So if you left me. Not the answer. I know. I know. And I want to give you the honest one. Like left to my own devices. If you just left me like what I'd like to do. Hey man, I have no problem laying around. I like sleeping. I think they meet people like they're robots, they're other life forms. They're just different than me. No, we build habits, rituals and disciplines that serve us. Okay. Now part of those habits, rituals and disciplines have sort of turned me into a more confident person. There's no question about that. So my standards are mandatory because you get your standards. Right. And so the reason my standards are set so high is because I don't want to leave it up to my own devices. Right. My standard is one more minute on the treadmill. My standard is one more person I can reach that day. One more phone call. One more something. And so for me, I raise them every single year. But the way I get to do it is I link it to my reasons. And so goals are really empty to me. I have a thing on goal setting. But like my big thing is that you show me someone with compelling emotional gigantic reasons. I'll show you someone who's changing their standards all day long. So like give you one quick version that you've not heard before. One of the reasons I'm relatively fit is not just peak state. I have an uncle in my family that died at 50 years old of a heart attack. My godfather, my dad's only brother. I kind of resemble them. And I look like them a lot. So on the way back from his funeral, my reticular activator is on heart attacks. On the TV screen on the airplane, I'm listening to music is the Oprah Winfrey show. She's going through a new heart scan. I've unplugged my headphones, plugged into the airplane one. They're talking about this new scan at Cedar Sinai that at that time was new. It could read the plaques in your arteries, the calcifications without going really invasively. I scheduled it. I went in. I had a world class doctor who understood reasons and leverage instead of just prescribing. When we coach people, you need to do this. You need to do this. Doctors do it. Take this pill. Take this. He understood leverage and reasons. What you do is you take the scan, then you go to lunch. You come back. I took the scan. I went to lunch. I had a burrito. I came back and I'm in the law. When I walk in, I sit down. The doctor comes up and he says, "Oh my." I can't believe these arteries are in that young body. Got my attention. We walk back in. We sit down. He could still go. "You need Crestor? Eat clean? Get out of here." Isn't that what an average doctor does? No. Wired me with huge reasons. He goes, "Let me ask you a question." I heard your wife's pregnant. I said, "I have a son." He says, "Do you want to be there when he graduates from high school to be there for that day?" I said, "Yes, sir." He goes, "Your wife's pregnant. What do you have?" I said, "A daughter." This is where you get a dad. He goes, "She was six months pregnant." He goes, "Would you like to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day? Are you okay that it's some other man?" I went, "What the fuck is on this scan?" He goes, "I want to be very clear with you. If you keep going down the road, you're going. There'll be some other man with your son at graduation high school and a stranger's walking your daughter down the aisle. It's not even born yet on her wedding day." I went, "Boom." He goes, "But if you do exactly what I tell you to do, you'll be there." To this day, brother, there are mornings when I wake up. Not every morning. I don't want to go to the gym. I go, "Bell is wedding. Bell is wedding. Bell is wedding." My standards are high because of my big old reasons. Other dudes may miss the gym that day because they're not going to miss their daughter's wedding if they don't go. But I've convinced myself I get emotional. I've convinced myself I miss my daughter's wedding. So I will get my ass out of bed at 4 o'clock in the morning and I will get to that gym because my reasons are bigger so my standards are higher. So that's what I think causes us to have great standards as huge reasons. When you're working with people that are just at an elite level, how do you help them find those reasons and attach something to it? So there's two motivators in life. You really want to move somebody. Someone's childhood and their death and then in between other people. And so most people, if you start talking to them, will tell you about their childhood because that impact and they're constantly in the back of our minds all the time we're thinking about death. It's this thing we know that's coming for us, the end of our life. And what inspires us is really what I said. We all want to be that version. We just don't allow ourselves to feel the emotion of it. So the more you can bring it closer to you, the better. So I do that with them. I link their big reasons to what they want and it opens up a completely different level for what they want. You start talking to an athlete about, "Hey, you want to hit 30 home runs this year? That's one thing." But you start talking about, "How'd you like to have your mom there when you give your Hall of Fame speech?" I just interviewed T.O. and Marshall Faulk. Marshall's in the Hall of Fame and T.O. is going in. To watch T.O. 's face start to talk about how his grandmother won't be there who raised him in the Hall of Fame. That was his motivation. You ask him his whole motivation, "Plo-football, grandma." Not Hall of Fame, not Pro Bowls, grandma. It's always people that we link these achievements to. So that's how I get them to believe it or not, even athletes. I get them talking to me about the people and dreams they have. Then we link their goals to them. That's amazing. Tell me about the time where you were trying to give a speech and you were so freaked out that your vision was blurring and you couldn't even read what was on your card.
How to overcome your fear when you're in front of a group (31:16)
Because honestly, if I hadn't heard you tell that story, I would just assume you're really good at this by nature because you're so good at this. You're so good at communicating. It's crazy. I've seen you in front of 50,000 people's bananas. So how did you start from just absolutely being paralyzed by fear? What was that process? Oh my gosh. So, but you really do your research. Yeah. My first time I talked, I literally went up and blanked out. I literally could not think. I could not see the card. How I fixed it speaking was over time. But I'll give you a couple of key things on speaking for everybody. One, I had to figure out, someone said to me, "You love baseball. You don't stutter when you talk about baseball. You don't get insecure. I go, "Well, I love that." And I believe in it. "Oh, you talk about your kids. You're great." I thought, "Oh, there's a correlation here between me actually saying what I believe and what I'm passionate about and my ability to communicate it." And so now my first layer is always, "I must be passionate about it and I must believe it and I'm never doing an impression of another person." So I always come from a place of saying what I really believe because you can't transfer to somebody that which you don't experience yourself. I can give you passion. I can give you energy. I can give you my belief if I'm experiencing it. Big key is a speaker. I'll give everybody. Stop trying to convince everybody of what you're saying. That's not the threshold of being a good communicator. People do not need to believe what you're saying. They need to believe you believe what you're saying. And as long as they believe you believe what you're saying, you're an effective speaker. I stopped trying to get people to believe me. There's a neediness. There's a salesmanship to that. I stopped that. It's a subtle difference. I just want you to believe I believe it. That's influence. Influence is you believe I believe it. Wow. Yeah. That's a pretty intense evolution for just that.
The Comeback Stage (33:01)
One moment that I'd really love to get some color on it and maybe this just comes down to what your reasons were after that first attempt which had to have just been searing into your mind anxiety about speaking. Horrific. How did you get up the second time? Yeah. Same room, same people. That helped for me. But I figured out I didn't have any preparation. So my confidence when I speak now, just like this interview. The amount of preparation you've done for this is it is more than anyone who's interviewed me. Right? And so me, the separation is in the preparation. Like I have to be prepared. I have to know what I'm going to talk about. And so that second time I knew every single thing I was going to say. I didn't do great, but I did what I said I was going to do. I got up and I did it. I got up and I delivered and I just be candid with you. I liked the feeling eventually that I affected somebody. I liked the feeling that maybe the first time I spoke, I didn't affect anybody. That second time maybe there were 40 people and maybe one person I helped. And I had this very weird capacity now to focus on the ones I helped. I actually focus. If I speak to 50,000 people, there's got to be 3,000 people there who think I suck. There has to be. There's at least 30. There's someone who knows and if I have sessed over those 30 people, that's what made me nervous. I was obsessed with just basically reaching somebody. So the irony was the beginning of my speaking career, it was my anxiety and fear of it that was what was inspiring about me. Not the words I said. Over time I think the words became more inspiring, but I found what was inspiring about me. What put them in spirit. And it was overcoming my anxiety and fear of actually doing what they saw. I was at the gym yesterday and a woman drove by me in a wheelchair at the gym. I was working out pretty hard and she wheeled by me. Heavy set lady in a wheelchair. I'd be honest with you. I watched her wheel past me. She inspired me. Do you know what courage it takes to get in your wheelchair and decide I'm going to go to the gym, right? I'm going to go to the gym. She's heavy set, awkward. That inspired me far more than the jacked up dude doing 60 pound curls. I mean that's inspiring, but you see that. A woman in a wheelchair at a gym with her two pound dumbbells because her legs don't work, but she went in there anyway. And you know how unsecure she was about going in there. She's the only person in a wheelchair. She doesn't know what she's going to see, how people are going to react to her. She's not in shape. She doesn't have her full makeup on and her little halter top like the other girls in there. And she's right in there. She was right in there working out right next to them, right? I couldn't take my eyes off her. And I ended up telling her that she was leaving. I left what I was doing. I walked over. I said, I just want you to know something you're inspiring to me. This is wonderful. Her face just lit up because you know how insecure she was about being in there. The most inspiring person is one overcoming the fear of doing something, not the person who's excellent at it. So. Yeah, dude. I love that. Way, way, love that.
The Dream Stage (35:58)
This is a little bit different, but something you were saying a minute ago reminded me of your whole notion of you've got to step into the dream. You've got to touch the dream. I love that. I think that's so powerful. And so very, dude, I was so moved by your whole pointing at the cliff with your then girlfriend now wife. And saying like one day we're going to live there. Because my wife and I used to drive around this neighborhood and say like one day. And dude, I have the chills again. When you said your obsessions become your possessions, like that is literally like that thing that you really think about and focus on. What do you mean by stepping into the dream and how can it serve people? That's wonderful. By the way, you picked a really good place to step into. Thank you. I got to tell you that your mind gravitates towards which it is most familiar with. And so if you're really familiar with what you're worried about and what your problems are and your fears are, and that becomes your dominating thinking. I know you've all heard this, but here's the reason why. Your mind loves what's familiar. And so if you don't go touch dreams, for example, just experience it for a second. For example, we would go down once every eight weeks. If I did well in business, we really knocked it out. We could find a deal. I had 200 bucks. We'd go to the Ritz Carlton or some hotel, ocean. And for one day, oceanfront, feel like what it felt like to valet your car. Walk in the lobby. Mr. Millette, welcome back. She'd go get a massage. I'd play a little bit of golf. And just for that day, I'd touch the dream. And then maybe we'd do it again in a month or two. And again in a month, just a little taste of it. My mind began to become familiar with it. And more crazy, I started to kind of trick myself into thinking I belonged there. Because we never end up anywhere. We don't believe we don't belong. And then we're not familiar with. So there's these things you'd like to do in your life. Either visually seeing them over and over again, or repeating those images to yourself. That's powerful. But a double whammy is to not only repeat them and see them, but to go, see, there's one thing that's a visual stimulus in your brain that makes you want to do something. The triple whammy is if you could see it, touch it, feel it, and smell it. If you allow all your senses to experience something, it becomes far more familiar to your brain. And so I'm a massive, massive advocate of touching a dream in any form you can get at the best of which is actually going and experiencing it. Short term. You begin to believe you belong there. You're a little bit better. And so you will not probably produce many things in your life that you've not visited either mentally or literally thousands of times. And so if you want to end up somewhere, you better be visiting them. Those could be dreams, visions. But the most important thing is if you could actually, more powerful, if you could touch them short term, massive difference. Drive by the neighborhood, see the cars. If you want to spend your life in service for your church or your community, take a day out every month and actually do it. Know what it feels like for an afternoon to feed the homeless or to do. And you begin to love it and feel it and believe you belong there. More and more chance that you'll be able to do that full time someday.
Ed's Work (38:44)
Dude, that's amazing. Before I ask my last question, tell these guys where they can find your amazing content. Oh, thank you. Any, Ed My Let.com, which is M-Y-L-E-T-T.com. I've got a YouTube channel and Instagram and Facebook and all that stuff too. But you're, any of the normal platforms, if you Google my name, you'll see my stuff out there. Yes, indeed you will. Thanks. Alright, my last question. What is the impact that you want to have on the world? The impact I want to have on the world is, it sounds real general, but it's something that I'm obsessed with, is I want to inspire as many people as I physically can in their lives to chase down the ultimate version of them. In their way, in their place, and in their space. And so I happen to have a little number written down. I think I can reach 100 million people before I leave here with just that message of chase down the version of you that you were born to be. That version of you or myself, it has nothing to do, it could have to do with money, but it could have to do with the people that you reach, the people you touch, the one person's life you change. See, the one thing in business that people miss is that someone hired me into the business I met. So although I'm a pretty good business story, what about the person who gave me the shot? What about that door that opened? How many people did he reach and no one even knows his name? And so I want to be that person who gives people their platform, their shot, their shot at life, their ability to join the ranks of people who meet the highest version of themselves. And so that's the impact I want to make in the world. That's incredible dude. Thank you so much for being here. Thanks man. I loved it. Thank you.
Guys, when I say that you're going to want to go watch this man's content, when I think about becoming that idealized version of myself, the very next thing I think is how do I become that best version of myself? And that is my obsession. That's the thing that I want to bring to the world. And watching his content and seeing how much of that he gives, how frequently he can go past just the high level headline and really get into what you actually need to do. In fact, I highly encourage you. Go back, watch this episode again because he breaks it down. There were several times where he went through, "Do this, this, and this." It's deadly simple and it is insanely powerful. You guys know me if you watch these outros, you know me. I'm telling you right now, I'm actually having a hard time capturing how much I was impacted by his stuff. It's really rare that while I'm researching somebody, I'll do a social shout out because I'm that impacted by what I'm watching. I couldn't stop myself. It's just absolutely incredible. Somebody that's been through it who does not try to make themselves seem cool, but they really are fucking cool. Like, that's the best part. He's done extraordinary things, extraordinary things. But he didn't start anywhere extraordinary and that's what makes it so fascinating. And he is killing himself with every second of every video to tell you exactly what he did, what he thinks, what he does, how he made those changes. And if you do it, you can make those changes too. I believe that to the core of my being. So go check out his content. It will change you if you let it. Alright, my friends, if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, be legendary. Thank you. Hey everybody, thank you so much for watching and being a part of this community. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. You're going to get weekly videos on building a growth mindset, cultivating grit, and unlocking your full potential.