Why You Need to Proactively Change Your Thought Patterns & Beliefs | Gabby Bernstein; Impact Theory | Transcription

Note: This transcription is split and grouped by topics and subtopics. You can navigate through the Table of Contents on the left. It's interactive. All paragraphs are timed to the original video. Click on the time (e.g., 01:53) to jump to the specific portion of the video.

Introduction

Intro (00:00)

Once you start to develop a spiritual relationship of your own understanding, you'll notice wild synchronicities in your life. You'll notice invisible doors open for you. And even though you're a science guy, you have a lot of God in your life, whether you realize it or not, because you wouldn't be sitting here right now being driven by this great force of inspiration, doing the major things that you've done in this world if you hadn't been tapped into that source in a way that you understand. Okay? So maybe you find it through fitness. Maybe you thought, you know, I'm sure that when you're in your mode, in your zone, in that flow, you feel a different energy within you from thingships. I do. Oh, here's the thing. I love coming to consensus that is like a deep drive within me, but I also, the truth is that the way that you and I would translate it would be so different. That in some ways it will have different outcomes. - Hey everybody, welcome to Impact Theory. Today's guest is a number one New York Times bestselling author who Oprah called a next generation thought leader and the New York Times dubbed a new role model. And those are not the only high praise monitors being thrown her way.

Gabby'S Life, Healing Techniques, And Recovery Journey

About Gabby (01:25)

Her inspiring social content and incredible string of bestselling books such as The Universe Has Your Back, Spirit Junkie and Judgment Detox have seen her called A Lot of Names. YouTube named her one of their 16 YouTube next video bloggers. Mashable said she's one of the 11 must follow Twitter accounts for inspiration and Forbes listed her as one of the 20 best branded women alive. Oprah named her to the Super Soul 100, self-made magazine ranked her as one of the top 50 women in business and Dr. Oz has had her on frequently as a guest expert on his massively popular show. She's also an internationally sought after speaker who has motivated audiences across many of the most well regarded universities around and delivered memorable talks on some of the most prestigious platforms in the world including the TED stage and Google's lecture series. She even co-hosted a Guinness World Record setting group meditation session with spiritual luminary Deepak Chopra. Her insights into the human condition and the steps for bringing your dreams into reality have seen her feature by virtually every major media outlet there is including PBS, CNN, The Wall Street Journal, People, L, Women's Health and countless others. So please help me in welcoming the best selling author of Super Attractor, Gabrielle Bernstein. That's a nice intro. It is an amazing string of accomplishments. Thank you so much. I know you talk a lot about doing things out of service and really getting yourself aligned and not doing things for your own personal glory or satisfaction but really stepping into something that you think will help other people. And that is quite literally what Lisa and I have dedicated our lives to. So it is always interesting to dive into somebody's world who has a similar view and approach. Yeah. Thank you for being here. Yeah, thank you. One of the things I want to talk about-- and this is one of my favorite ideas that you have-- is the notion that between you and feeling better is a decision to stop feeling bad. Yeah, particularly.

Between You and Feeling Better, Is.... (03:32)

Which gets into neurochemistry for me and the ability for us to consciously shift our moods. Yeah. How do one do that? Well, first let's address the viewer listener out there that's like, well, I'm depressed or I'm broke or I'm chronically ill. How could I decide to stop feeling bad? Let's just be real with that one. And I want to give an example of what that meant for me in my own life. And so recently, about five months ago, I just was diagnosed with postpartum depression, anxiety, and insomnia. Having authored seven self-help books and having to really fault my needs and realize that there was something really happening here. And the reason I was able to find the right resources and doctors and even medication that I needed to live and to survive, to not do difficult things to myself, was because of this method, because of this belief system. Even in my darkest moment, even in the deep depression, I was able to say that each day I could reach into what was a better feeling experience. So I-- You would think through what that looked like?

The Better Feeling Experience (04:42)

I would celebrate the good stuff. I would say, OK, I slept one extra hour last night or think, thank God I have a husband and child care that can support me through this period. Or I am opening up now to the possibility of taking medication if I have to. So even just leading myself proactively into a better feeling thought, even if that better feeling thought was still kind of low vibe, it was better than despair. And so it is reconditioning your brain functioning, but it's also a spiritual act. Because when we have those moments where we say, I'd like to see things differently, that's actually a prayer. Right? And then more often we do it, we change the neural pathways. You talk about thoughts taking form. I found that really interesting. And this is a terrible way to say it. But I'm glad that you went through something so profound. Me too. I think there's a lot of legitimacy then that's lent to that. Me too. So Lisa and I, a dear friend of ours, his son just committed suicide. And that shit is so scary to me that you sort of believe that that neurochemistry is going to last forever. And if you're not taking steps to get out of that, whether it's going and seeking professional help, getting medication, and certainly spending time to remind yourself that these things are ultimately changeable one way or the other, it becomes a sense of despair, like you said. Yeah. And I think that you're making a really good point, which is that I am glad that this happened to me, particularly now that I'm feeling much better. But I can look back and say, OK, that was divine work. That was intended. That was no accident. Because now I've been speaking for 15 years on spiritual topics. But I was never fully-- I was probably part of the stigma. I was looking at my audiences and saying, someone would be like, I'm depressed. And I wouldn't ever, in a million years, say, get off your medication. That was not my style. But I would say things like, well, you need to deepen your meditation practice. And there is actually a point where your meditation practice just doesn't work. And that was the case for me. It's like when you're dealing with a biochemical issue, your tools will no longer work. And that was exactly what happened for me. And I love that I can speak to that with authenticity. And I love that I can really, really look at mental illness with so much more compassion, understanding, and education than I would have had I not been through this myself. And to speak publicly about the fact that I had to go on medication right when I was about to launch my seven self-help book, and then it saved my life. Yeah. I love that. One thing that you talked about-- I forget where now-- but you were saying, I'm standing on stage, and somebody asks me, hey, I feel like a fraud. I'm a life coach. And I'm trying to tell people how to do this. But I feel like I have my own issues. And you were like, girl, I'm my own head case. And I've got the mic and my faces on all these books. But acknowledging that and processing through that is sort of how I'm able to actually do something useful for people. Walk us through the process. The process of how you, in the midst of that despair, one can remember that there are steps to getting out, and then two, being able to frame it in a way where you can have appreciation for it.

Rachel Faith (07:45)

Yeah. Well, first is that throughout the last 20 years, I've really-- 15 to 20 years, I've had a really devotional faith practice and faith of my own understanding, really believing that there is a higher power working with me. So even in the darkest moments of despair, getting sober at 25, it was that faith that led me into the next right action. Remembering trauma in 2016, it was the faith that got me out of bed in the morning and out of that desperation. If we can, I'm going to sort of pinpoint some mile markers. You want to come back to the remembering trauma? Yeah, we can come back. I would love to understand that. Yeah. So it had been completely just forgotten. You weren't in touch with it at all, but you had sort of physical-- Just a secret. Yeah. Yeah. Would you like to go there? Please, I would love to. OK, here we go. I really want to go there because we're all walking around traumatized, right? Let's be real. Every single one of us has some kind of trauma that's dictated the path of our life. And we are-- I have this 10-month-old, and I look at him, and he's so free. He's so fierce and amazing and free. And every day, I'm just like, please stay there as long as you can. And even the littlest things will help guide us to detour into fear and build this pretense that we begin to develop. But then there's the more severe cases where someone has had sexual trauma or physical trauma or mental abuse or whatever it may have been that really derails them. Particularly as children, what happens is often when you're a child, it's almost too much for you to take on that you dissociate. And it's like your brain's actually brilliant, right? The brain just takes it and tucks it away and says, we're going to store this over here because it's too scary to face. And so I have no memories of my childhood. Zero. But to what age? Really, I mean, I really don't even remember much from high school. But mainly the infant to 15 or whatever it was, right? And I always had these imprinted memories of visuals or the closet or just imprints that when I thought about them, I would be like, my body wouldn't lie. My body would be like, woo, we're not going there. And then I had all these different symptoms. Drug addiction, I had work addiction, TMJ, gut issues, chronic pain in my neck. These are all trauma symptoms. And worst of all, it's this desperate need to be in control. Because if I was in any way feeling out of control, I wouldn't feel safe and a feeling that I couldn't trust anyone. So there's more than that. But those are the big ones. And so I was always just in this very frantic state. And I always thought, OK, I'm OK because I have faith and I have God and I have all this. And so I can bring myself back, bring myself back. It was this constant yo-yo of being so far out and then coming back and so far out and coming back and melting down and coming back. And listen, it was exactly as it needed to be. And that time I probably wrote six books, right? But it was difficult. And then around 2016, I started cracking into something. I was having my whole left side of my body and I went numb and I had to have MRIs and it was stress induced. And it was getting worse and worse. And then it was actually in LA, just down the road, my friend's house. And that night I had a dream where I remembered being a child, having sexual trauma. And then I remember being an adult confronting it. And when I woke up, it was the most real experience I've ever had in a dream where I woke up. It was like that happened. And then what did I do? I said, hell no. I am not looking at that. Goodbye, hell no. And then ultimately what happened was days later, I remembered it in a therapy session. And so that moment of remembering was the scariest moment in my life. But it was the catalyst for my great healing and the freedom that I have right now sitting with you. - I love your concepts around healing and healing takes time and all that. Is how does one begin that process, so awareness?

Healing (and the first step) (11:45)

That's what it seems like part of it. - Yes, yes. - Walk people through how to begin that journey. - Yeah, whether they've realized a trauma or just in general. - Yeah, exactly. - Yeah. So ultimately I think when we begin to identify the root cause of our conditions and we become conscious enough to look at the places that scare us and say, okay, I don't have a gut condition, I have a trauma condition. Or I don't have an insomnia condition, I have an anxiety condition because of the way I was brought up or whatever it is. And we have the bravery to go to those places, whether it be through the guidance of a self-help book or be through the guidance, ideally of a psychiatrist or a therapist or somebody that can guide you or a counselor or a support group to look at those places or a 12-step program and to do that inventory. You have this opportunity to recognize that the conditions that you've placed upon yourself are not the problem, the root cause is what's causing it and what's there. And so the first step is to really honor the wounds and really, really respect yourself for having the bravery to even look at them. Because so many people walk around trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, little things out of control, they blow up. This thing happens, they shut down and it's just all day long, constant triggers. And the first step to really healing that behavior and that kind of fight or flight lifestyle really is to begin by recognizing that there's something underneath it. That's the first step. - So you begin to recognize there's something there. You're in the yoyo mode of you're able to rebalance but something then will re-trigger you and it pulls you way out. You rebalance again but then it pulls you way out. How do you begin to get to the point where either you're pulled less far out, you're pulled out less frequently, how do you then take that next step on that journey? - That's a great question.

EMDR Therapy (13:43)

So in my recovery from remembering the trauma, it's been four years now. I have done a deep dive of lots of therapy and EMDR therapy which I highly recommend. - Never heard about what is it? - Oh, come on, really? - EMDR. - Yes, yes, yes, you're gonna wanna do this. I mean, everyone could benefit from it. It's eye movement, desensitization and reprocessing and you hold either buzzers in your hand that buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, or in your ears, buzz, buzz or you would have someone going like this back and forth so your eyes are going back and forth. And while you're buzzing, you're going into the emotional disturbance. - So you may not-- - Because someone's asking you questions that-- - You have a therapist as an EMDR trained therapist guiding you and they're helping you identify like what is the direction we're gonna go in today, right? What's the trigger that we're gonna touch today? And it may not be like you go right into the trauma, you actually could be going into the guilt that you have right now. And much like emotional freedom technique are you familiar with tapping? - Nope. - So yeah. - Yes. - Tapping vaguely, yeah. - Okay, so I teach tapping, I can speak more from that standpoint, but similar EMDR and tapping, it's like the issue is like a tabletop. And once you kick out one leg that's an aspect of that issue, the next leg kicks out, the next leg kicks and then it starts to dissolve, right? Or the table falls. So in the case of EMDR, you can go into these different disturbances and you can really address them while buzzing and then the buzzing, you'll be interested. - What does the buzzing do? - It's bilateral brain functioning. So it's unlocking a amygdala ultimately. So what was found was that when there's that stimulant that's stimulating both sides of the brain, while you're talking about the emotional disturbance, there's an unlocking that occurs. - And when you say it unlocks the amygdala, are you trying to reactivate the amygdala? - Well, no, in some cases I think what's happening is it's releasing the trauma. So the trauma is stored and through this process, it gets, in some cases you could have an EMDR session and walk out feeling completely different that day. - Interesting. - Yeah, it's exceptional.

Emotional Freedom Technique (15:50)

So that's been a really big part of my recovery, emotional freedom technique. - What's that? - EFT tapping. So that's just for the listening. - Why is it called emotional freedom technique? - Well, the founder of tapping named it emotional freedom technique because what's ultimately happening is, like I said earlier, there's an energetic disturbance. So you're not necessarily tapping to heal the phobia, you're tapping to heal the emotional disturbance that's triggering the phobia. - Okay. - You got it? - So the one time that I saw somebody do tapping, they were getting car sick and they started tapping. - Tapping on the top. - Tapping and so is it trying to get you into using a sort of physical stimulus to get you into a different mental and emotional state? Is it meant to draw your attention? What's the data? - You're tapping a different energy meridians while you're talking about the emotional disturbance similar to the EMDR. And that whole process of like the acupressure and psychotherapy kind of the talking through while you have that pressure point is what deactivates that response, that triggered response. - So you're trying to disrupt that sort of a biological process level. To use my language energy, to use your language. - My language in this case would be emotional disturbance, right? So, and with tapping once again similar to EMDR, you don't have to tap on the trauma, you could just tap on being car sick. But tapping on being car sick could activate a deeper level of healing, even if you're not going into the exactly what it's about. Does that make sense? - Sure. - Yeah. I mean, I tap daily. - And the design of that is to basically intercept an impulse memory of sort of body level feeling and begin to create a new association. Is it meant to guide you out of one mood into another? - That will happen. Like at the beginning of tapping, you have a most pressing issue and you would like, you know, my gut hurts or I'm scared or whatever, or I'm nauseous. And then you'd rate it from zero to 10, 10 being the highest. And when you're done tapping, you rate it because there's this thing called the apex effect, which means when you tap, sometimes you can forget where you were. - Meaning you forget where you are physically or what you were chasing. - The thing started at 10 and you get down to a two, you forget that you were ever at a 10. You're like, no, no, I was good the whole time. I didn't do anything, right? So the most pressing issue is what's allowing us to get to recognition of how well it worked in five minutes or two minutes or something. - It's very interesting.

What do you do besides meditation? (18:23)

So I saw you do a live meditation one time very, very briefly. And you said, even in the 10 seconds or whatever that we just did that, I could feel an energetic shift which meditation is something I have a lot of experience with and it was really life changing for me. And it's one of those where I will agree with you that meditation really is for everybody and everybody should be trying it. And if you're not getting benefits yet, I would keep practicing. - Yeah, just keep going. - That I understand sort of at a physiological level, I get how we're going from the excitatory impulses of the sympathetic nervous system, we're moving into the parasympathetic nervous system. You can literally feel yourself just relaxing and changing. Are there other things you do, so I know that you're an avid meditator as well. I know that you're really intentional about how you begin your day. What are some things that you do to really sort of shape that energy state? Anybody who's watched me long enough knows I don't use that word but I know that that I think makes a lot of sense for you. So, yeah, what else do you-- - What would be the word that you would use? - I'm all about biological systems. So from that standpoint, and look, you're always very generous with your language and you're always saying that, whatever, usually when referencing faith, you say whatever shape it takes for you. - Yeah, it works for you, yeah. - So-- - In many ways, we're talking about the same thing just in different, it's just-- - I a thousand percent agree. - We're translators and we're communicating in it in the ways that are relevant to us. - I aggressively agree. - And the person that's watching you is like, I recognize myself and him and I'm gonna follow that, right? So it's perfect, yeah. - So what are things that you do to begin to shape that? Whether it's a morning routine or meditation or whatever else shifts your energy rapidly? - One of the most transformational things I've been gifted with is TM, Transcendental Meditation. - You use mantra? - Yes, I have a mantra. - Which of course you can't say. - I won't tell you. - That's so interesting. People really die hard about that, the due to you. - No way would I ever tell you, hello, it's my mantra. And I'm always laughing, I'm like, does everybody have the same mantra, or does that tell anyone? I was trained by the David Lynch Foundation, so being trained in TM was really, really beneficial for my trauma, was really beneficial for most importantly for my nervous system. So I get two 20 minute meditations in every day. - What is the nature of TM meditation? I actually, I know it by name, I know that it uses a mantra, I've never done it, so I've no idea experientially. I've done mindfulness. And I've done what I called just breathe. - Yeah, it's all kind of interconnected. With TM, you have a mantra, and you repeat your mantra and you do this for 20 minutes, twice a day. - And the mantra's sort of just a sound, right? It's not like gluten free bread. You're not saying that over and over it. - No, it's not something that you would understand. - Oh my, or something like that. Okay, so what's the idea behind the mantra? Is it just sort of clearing the mind? - Yeah, so you repeat your mantra, and you repeat your mantra, and you repeat your mantra. And that's a single pointed focus, a mantra is a single pointed focus. And when you start to notice yourself, go into what am I having for lunch, or I'm late for my meeting, or wherever you're gonna go, the simplicity is that you notice it, and then you just return to your mantra, the same as you would return to your breath. Ultimately being in that repetition of the mantra, then you can, oh, I don't get to a place where you're sort of in this, as I would say, spiritually aligned state, where you are so released from thought that your nervous system can relax. But what I love about it is that I have an anchor, that I can continue to return to, and just return to, and return to.

Mike's explanation of TM meditation (21:46)

And now, because my practice is so strong, I can just sit in the back of an Uber, close my eyes, even if there's crazy music on or something, and just right away start to feel this, just like deep joy and peace come in. And I also recognize that when I have a TM meditation, where I'm thinking a lot, thinking a lot, thinking a lot, but that's okay, and that's for any meditation. That's an active meditation, and that's okay, because whatever's coming up during that active meditation is unprocessed feelings that need to be cleared, and even if they're coming up as like, a mad that I ate that for breakfast, it's something deeper, and it needed to come up so you can clear it. So don't judge what comes up in your meditation.

Recovering from Addiction (22:41)

- I wanna come back to the things you do to shift your energy, but the whole idea of judgment, I think is really, really interesting. So you have said, and I think very rightly and very profoundly, that, okay, look, you're always going to judge, but you want to not believe it. How do you practice that? How did you go from judging yourself, which I think is maybe the most destructive? How did you go from that to realizing, this is actually just a story and I don't have to believe it. - Yeah, the most important book I've written, and it's not the most popular, it's called Judgment Detox. And it's funny, it's the one book that most people don't finish. Not everybody, 'cause there's some real fierce, spirit junkies out there that are like, I got this and I did this and they'll come out to me in events and I can see it in their eyes. I can see it in their eyes that they have practiced these principles. And I think that the reason that people don't finish this, 'cause it's hard work, it's a commitment and it's a mental reconditioning. So it's much like what we were talking about earlier, we know witnessing, looking at the judgment, honoring the shame and the wound that lives beneath the judgment, seeing someone for the first time, forgiveness is a huge part of this, meditation is a big part of this. And it requires, even put EFT in the book because it's such a root cause condition that causes us to judge. We judge because we are actually judging a disowned part of our own shadow. - When you say shadow, do you mean in the youngy incense? - Yes, and the shadow side of us meaning that when we, the places that we are unwilling to look at, the ego side, the part of us is driven by fear. And the wounds that we have been unwilling to recognize, the unwillingness to recognize those wounds. And so in that state of judgment, we're often just projecting what it is that we don't want to identify in ourselves. And so if it's some judging with jealousy, it's because we don't feel we're good enough. If it's judging somebody for having more of what you want, it's because you don't identify as yourself of being worthy. Or if it's judging somebody from the standpoint of, or not even somebody's, judging yourself is just another form of addiction in many ways, because it's a way of running from what's actually there. - Interesting, how is it because you're saying that it gives people something to obsess on and focus on? - Rather than deal with what's really underneath it. - That's interesting. - That's exactly right. So-- - Judgment is an addiction, 100%. So I see a lot of people in my life, close people, family members, that are just like pretty much judging all day long. Judgment's like deeply, deeply in judgment. And what I also identify in that person, that someone that has not done any personal growth work, that someone who has not dealt with trauma from their childhood, someone who has living in fear, and the way that they're staying safe is through judgment. The same way somebody else would be like, I'm living in fear in the way I'm staying safe is to anesthetize with drugs and alcohol, right? It's another form of addiction. - That's interesting. So for you, the definition of addiction is basically something that you obsess on to allow you to not deal with the things that are knocking at your door. - Anything that you obsessively put in place of your core emotions and feelings, anytime you're trying to anesthetize, anytime you're using anything to avoid facing the truth. And I've been in sober recovery for 14 years, and I can really honestly say that it's trauma that leads us into addiction. - What led you out?

What led to your outrageously happy life (26:24)

I don't remember coming across any big sort of rock bottom story, maybe I just missed it. - It's because it was 14 years ago, and that's what I was talking about that. I've had other rock bottoms. - But what was the thing that allowed you to flip the switch? - So I was 25 years old when I got clean. And I, at the time, as you know, I had not identified my trauma. I didn't know why I was using. I had a whole story. I had about how perfect my childhood was. That's the thing that we do when you traumatize as a child. You're like, build a story around your life. Like, oh, everything was perfect. I was good, right? And so I was like, why would I ever be coming at it? Well, now I know. But I was really, really heavily trying to prove myself to the world. I was, at 21 years old, I started a business that was a PR business representing nightclubs. And so that was the perfect place to run and hide. And of course, you know, that would lead down the road of, in my case, cocaine, which was my drug of choice because I wanted to be in control. And so cocaine is a great drug that can take you down fast, right? You know? And it's also, you know, I feel blessed that cocaine was my drug of choice because it's easier to get off of. It's not necessarily easy, but it's easier than opioids and heroin and what a lot of people are dealing with today. And so I actually hit such a bottom where I was sitting in my studio apartment, it was like, I don't know, 5 a.m. Staring at the stack of self-help books next to my bed because I was seeking, seeking, seeking, all throughout my addiction, seeking and looking at those self-help books and thinking to myself, I'm so far away from that. But that's, I know that's who I am. And I sat on the floor of my studio apartment and I said to myself, God, universe, whoever is out there, I need a miracle. I was just, I sent out the call. I need a miracle. And that day I heard a voice of my intuition, my inspiration is really moving to me right now 'cause I just celebrated 14 years. - Congratulations. - Thank you. That inner voice, you call it inspiration or intuition. I call it God. Said to me, get clean and you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams. And that day I went to a recovery program on my own. I walked right in and I got sober that day and I've been clean ever since. And yeah, last two weeks ago, I celebrated 14 years and my sobriety gave me everything because my sobriety was getting clean. You put down the drink of the drug but if you're getting clean with really good spiritual guidance, it also opens you up to a higher power of your own understanding. And then that dictates the rest of your life.

A Higher Power and Recovery (29:02)

- Why do you think a higher power is so useful? I've heard that spoken about a lot with recovery that the notion of letting go and relying on something bigger than yourself is somehow very, very useful. - It's not just for getting sober, it's for life, in my opinion. And like I say, I love the language of the 12 steps, the higher power of your own understanding because we were told or in my books, I was saying, this is your God or this is your angel. If everyone would be like, screw you. And I think what's working so well is just saying, you decide, I'm here to crack you open and you decide. Once you start to develop a spiritual relationship of your own understanding, you'll notice wild synchronicities in your life. You'll notice invisible doors open for you. And even though you're a science guy, you have a lot of God in your life, whether you realize it or not because you wouldn't be sitting here right now being driven by this great force of inspiration, doing the major things that you've done in this world if you hadn't been tapped into that source in a way that you understand. Okay? So maybe you find it through fitness. Maybe you thought, you know, I'm sure that when you're in your mode and your zone in that flow, you feel a different energy within you, something. I do. Oh, here's the thing. I love coming to consensus that is like a deep drive within me, but I also, the truth is that the way that you and I would translate it would be so different. That in some ways it will have different outcomes. So for instance, we'll take patience. I know you encourage people in the book, Superattractor to be patient. It's one of the chapters. And I have railed against patience in my social content and all that. And I rail against patience for a certain type of person. I don't think everybody should take my advice. I think people who want a stress-free, the easier, gentler way to live should probably avoid me in virtually everything that I say because I'm not leading people down that path. So it's interesting. I so agree with you on like our ability to shift our energy and stuff. I think you're more patient than you think. Let me let me let me let me let me. Yeah, please. Completely reorg this. Okay. I will first have to ask you to define patience because if we simply disagree on the definition then we're ultimately saying the same thing. No, patience is faith. Patience is faith. Without faith you can't be patience. Faith in whatever it is that you're doing in life, whatever it is that you desire. And so the reason that you have so this fast-paced way of doing things and get it done and allow it to have is because you're faithful. It's because you believe in it. I don't agree. Okay, go ahead. So I-- I'm gonna keep pushing back to the-- No, please, I love that. This is so cool. And know that everything I say I say in good faith. So I think that you're bringing something beautiful to the world. I think you are beyond sincere in your desire to help people and you take so many amazing steps to do that. So my thinking is that one, I don't have faith in a higher power or even necessarily myself beyond that I will keep putting energy and effort into something. But I spend so many mental cycles trying to figure out how I'm wrong, that that is the birthplace of my fear of patience. When people, if they're trying to accomplish something extraordinary. So let's define that.

Self Improvement And Success Through Meditation

Moral Obligation (32:24)

'Cause I don't think that it is a necessary path. I don't think anybody has a moral obligation. For fertility or for finding a partner, yeah, it's different, right? It probably would be if somebody were in your own story about fertility, I think it's a very powerful example of the right move there is patience. Patience as I tell people not to be patient, but I think in that particular case, the relaxation that is needed at a biological level. Let's put that here 'cause I wanna talk about that kind of stuff, but I also really am digging what you're saying. So I see something that I need to say. Please. So you're saying I have this way that I unpack things, correct me if I'm wrong, and find the fault so that I can make sure that it's going to be this elevated thing that's gonna show up in my life, is that correct? I don't understand the use of the word elevated. Okay, impactful. I won't even go that far. I will just say that impact happens to be my goal, but I'm actually driven by goals. Goals do not have an infinite number of paths to achieving them. There are only certain paths that will work. And so I think people are, the reason that most dreams never come true, and this I think we will disagree on, at least in the words that we use, the reason I think most dreams don't come true is that people never develop the skillset they need to actually get there. So. - We're saying the same thing in many ways.

Taking action with patience (33:39)

- So my thing there is when somebody is patient and they think things will just come to them, it's beyond false. But when I hear you say things like you have to just go, I'm like, okay, that, I'm with a thousand percent. - Here we go. You are practicing in your life a principle that I have in Superattractor called spiritually aligned action. And it's a method of creating, but creating from, forget the word spiritual alignment 'cause that's gonna take you out. - No, I can believe me about that. - Joy. So you have fun unpacking things. You have fun reaching for goals. It's like you're driving force in life. It wakes you up in the morning or wakes you up in the middle of the night with excitement. It's what has created this, right? - Part of it. - Okay, okay. It's joyful for you. - It can be. - Okay. - And joy follow the fun, which is one of your, maybe not mantras, but like I love that notion. - Yes, so my entire book's Superattractor, it has the premise that it's good to feel good and when you feel good, you are a Superattractor. And so you could be hustling, right? And feeling good and still, like working where I work a lot, like I hustle at times, right? And it's when I'm in that joy and when I'm allowing inspiration to move through me that I'm taking what I refer to as spiritually aligned action. So I could be doing way more than imaginable than the average person, which I can do. I have the capacity to do more in one day or one hour than people could do in two months, okay? That is just because I'm so inspired by it, because I'm so psyched about it. And that's what you're doing, okay? And so when I say, you are actually living in a patient state because you believe in what you're doing, because you have joy that's coming through with what you're doing. And so when you take action from a place of spiritual alignment, okay? And that spiritual alignment comes with making sure that the desire or goal is back with service and love, which I know is 100%, right? That's correct. I know that. I wouldn't be sitting here if it wasn't the truth. That's number one, the first step of spiritual alignment. The second step is believing. And I know you believe in yourself because we would not be sitting here if you didn't. - I believe in humans. - Okay, you believe in humans and you believe that you are here to facilitate service and love for humans, yeah? - Now you're getting into meant to be, which I don't believe in. - Or okay, okay. - So I have chosen that path. - That's right, okay. So that's the path I've chosen. So you believe, right? - Believe in what? - Believe that the actions that you're taking have purpose. - Yes, I have imbued the actions that I take with purpose. And I do think that we have innate reward systems for helping the group. And so being of service to other people is neurologically rewarding whether you want it to be or not. - What do you believe? - In that, yes. - Yeah, in whatever form it's right for you. And then the third step is take action from a place of spiritual alignment. So when you take actions, right? When you pick up the phone and you're about to make that big call that's gonna begin quest, right? Or start impact theory. You feel good, right? When you make that call? - I probably, I mean, certainly back at Quest, I would have felt terrifyingly anxious, but. - Anxious, but excited, yeah? - Yeah, I don't wanna get lost in whether I was excited or not 'cause everything you set up to this point is wonderful. I think the only sort of edge case moment where, and I don't know if it matters, but the edge case where I would say we disagree is the notion of patience. So there is a part to the law of attraction where it's like, hey, the universe is actively working for you. I don't believe that. I think the universe is neutral. It is beyond indifferent to what you want. - Do you believe that what you are is calling and what you are? - I don't understand the question. - So the energy that you're putting out, maybe just or the intentions and the purpose that you're putting out is coming back to you. Do you believe that? - I think humans will reflect it back.

Publicly reflecting your energy (37:34)

So if you are rad to be around, and this is straight out of your book, if you don't use these words, but if you're rad to be around, people are gonna wanna be around you. You're much more perfect. You're much more likely to get people that wanna team up with you, and then a lot more things become. So I think we agree on so much.

Not acquiring the skills to make your dreams come true (37:51)

So just on the patience thing, so that we close the loop on that, when it comes to patience, I think that the reason people's dreams don't come true is they never acquire the skills to actually be able to execute against it. Because it's like building a house, wanting it is not enough, you have to go become an architect. - We are 100% on the same page about that. This chapter in Superattractors called Spiritually Lined Action is not a chapter on just sitting on your ass and meditating and thinking it's gonna come to you. It's a chapter on taking action. Like Gabby Bernstein wouldn't be sitting here right now having authored seven books in eight years if I didn't take some fucking action, right? - So if yours, I'll give you the language that I use that people often confuse for patience. And you're gonna be tempted for a minute to believe they're saying the same thing. So I really, really believe when you look at the world at large, and maybe we disagree on this, but when I look at the world at large, the vast majority of humanity never make their dreams come true, the vast majority of humanity live in a dark and terrifying place. They die before they ever figure it out. So I have given my life over to asking the question, why the fuck is that true? - Yeah, yeah.

Patience is for waiting. Your life's not gonna wait! (38:59)

- Because if everything is working for you and it's all good, then more people, and I'll say I'll be generous and say 10% find a life that is really joyful, unbalanced. No one's ever gonna have perfect joy, I certainly do not. But unbalanced. So all right, we're talking about a 90% failure rate. Like there's something is working so actively against us that we have to find a way out of that. Now I will say what is working against you is evolutionary pressures. You've been pressured evolutionarily to survive, not to thrive. Okay, so I think the human brain is working against people in many, many ways. If they don't understand that, they get trapped. One of the ways that I think it's working against them is you have the biological imperative to conserve calories, which means be lazy. It's another way of saying that. So you get really hungry, you get tremendous sexual desire, and then you crack over and you go do something about it. For the most part, you kinda just wanna chill. So given those biological realities, what I'm saying is if somebody decides they wanna do something extraordinary route to their life, which they don't need to, but if they decide that they wanna do that, the amount of inertia that you have to overcome, this is quite literally the second law of thermodynamic states, all systems move towards chaos. Now the only way, according to physics, to bypass that is to pour energy into the system. Okay, so we know your life is moving towards chaos, as all systems do, the only way to overcome that is to pour energy into your life. Patients to me is about waiting. It's about relaxing, it's about surrender. Now I'm definitely using your words. So once you tell somebody to get into that state, it will open a certain channel for them. That channel, having a stress-free life, finding beauty in their life, connecting with other human beings, really getting in touch with a spiritual nature inside, being so quiet, you can hear yourself. Those things are so fucking important. I'm not in any way, shape, or form diminishing them. What I'm saying is, there are already people that speak to what to do with that path. I wanna be over here. You wanna build something extraordinary? Now I'm your guy. And I will tell you, you're gonna dip into these moments you're gonna have to. You're gonna have to learn to meditate. You're probably even gonna wanna start your day there. But in terms of getting the skill set and executing against a grand vision, you will have to come at everything with so much fucking energy and intensity to overcome the inertia that is inevitable because all systems move towards chaos. So you were fighting against chaos. So in that particular lane, you cannot, patients will be the death of you. Will be the death of your dream. - We have a different definition of patience. The first question I have to ask you is, once you started meditating regularly, did you notice more successes or ease or that things were happening faster in any way in your life? - I noticed a profound change in my ability to think clearly.

Using Meditation to Accelerate Your Success (41:55)

I noticed a profound change in my ability to enjoy my life. I noticed a profound reduction in my anxiety. - Okay, okay. And did that impact your purpose and your goals? It made everything in my life better. - So we're saying the exact same thing. - That we are not. And I could feel the trap I was being set up for. But so I think it is the entire universe of meditation, of relaxation, of letting go, there is so much power in that at a biological level. And if people do not learn to do that, they're never going to be able to hear themselves think. - Right. - But it didn't slow you down, right? - No, it sped me up. - That's what I'm talking about. But now, so here's- - But I often is speed up by slowing down. - All right, dive into that, tell people what you mean. - Okay, so speed up by slowing down. I have created far more, and I'm not tooting my own horn. I'm just trying to be a power, for example, of what it looks like to live a spiritually aligned life, right?

Living Abundantly With Relaxation And Self-Worth

Be Relaxed & Centered To Live A More Abundant Life (42:53)

I have created far more in the last 15 years than I think people could do in a lifetime, okay? And that's not big major. I don't wanna sound like I'm being ego-tistic. - No, no, you're a staph speed for themselves. - Because every single person that is watching right now, every single person has the capacity to be this way. We all are super-attractors is what I refer to, okay? And the reason I've been able to do that is because I've had a foundational practice of tuning my energy, making sure that I am clearing whatever is in the way, the blocks, the belief systems, the neural programming that has blocked me 100% the chaos, the choice for chaos that's not supporting me, that devotion and commitment to slowing that down, to undoing that fear, to grounding my energy, has given me far more energy to do the things I need to do. And so I show up, I don't actually like the word hustle anymore because I'm actually priding myself on how relaxed I am, but I wanna tell you something. This most recent book launch, I've launched many books, and I've launched them with a lot of stress and a lot of like, you know, force and wanna get that out and wanna be number one New York Times bestseller. And you know, there was always love and service behind the books because they wouldn't have had the success, they had if it wasn't there. But there was also a lot of struggle because I was in the wrong mindset. And this book launch, I lived and practiced what I'm preaching in Superattractor. And I didn't really care, like the biggest goal was to serve souls. The biggest goal was to help people feel good. Period, end of story. This book in the last two weeks has had far more success than any of my other books. And when my publishers called me and said, "Oh my God, you're on the New York Times list." I was like, I didn't even realize it was Wednesday. Like I didn't even know that this, I forgot every year before, like it's Wednesday, when's the list up. I didn't even realize that it was Wednesday. You know, I didn't care, I didn't care. All I cared about was that people were being served. And so the bigger message here is that I really made relaxation and calm and serenity and agroundedness, my highest priority in my life at this stage. But that doesn't mean that I didn't get on every call with my team and look at the ads and that I didn't care about the way that we were positioning messaging and that I didn't get on Facebook Live and do Facebook Live. I didn't show up here today to share the message. I did it all, but I did it with grace and ease and had far more success. - As long as we don't use the word patience, I'm with everything we just said. But I get, and this is one of those things where the nuance sort of is irrelevant. - People hate the word patience. People hate it. People like the word patience. - No, no, no. When I've been giving my talks, I'm a super attractor and I get to that spiritually-lined action method and the fourth step, by the way, which we never got to as patience because you've already been gonna go there. That's, I say patience, the entire audience like, oh. - What do you think they're struggling with?

When you force it mushroom (45:53)

- People wanna, well, the few things. One, people have a belief system that if I don't make it happen, it won't happen, right? And so they think they have to hustle and push to control to make it happen. And you know very well that when you were in that mind, there might have been times in your life where you were in that mindset, but not as inspired or not as faithful, that shit would fall apart, right? Because you were forcing it, you're pushing it. I know for myself I can say that. Anything that I've pushed, pushed, pushed to happen has been not correct. Things would fall apart, wouldn't have success, it wouldn't work, okay? And so I think that people really dwell in the belief system, particularly in America, that if I don't make it happen, it's not gonna happen. So patience is the opposite of that and is terrifying to that belief system. So people would say, hell no, that's not true for me. I also think that people don't trust, they don't have the belief system that I know you have, which there's trust, that if I create this, it will be, and that it's gonna have purpose and it's gonna serve and it's gonna make it impact, even if it's a little difficult to make happen, it's gonna happen, it's gonna be great, and they don't have that belief system. And without that belief system, how could you possibly be patient? Because you're constantly chasing something to feel good.

The feeling of unworthiness (47:06)

- Yeah, the constantly chasing something to feel good, I wanna ask you, what do you think about self-worth? - Yeah. - Where does it come from? How do we build it? - People get up in my audiences and they say to me, you know, I don't know why, like I'm trying so hard to track that partner, I'm trying so hard to, you know, make my business so excellent. The thing that's underneath all of that is a feeling of unworthiness. The reasons that we don't thrive in our lives, in our careers, in our health, is a feeling of unworthiness. And that often stems back to a traumatic event or an experience in life, where we in some way chose a belief system that said, I am unlovable, and I'm not good enough. - I like what you just said, we chose a belief system. Tell me more. - You know, if we've had an experience in our history where our father left, then, you know, men always leave, and that's our story up until we're, you know, dead. Or that, you know, we grew up with no money, that money's gonna be a struggle, and we believe that's the belief system until we choose to see it differently. I grew up in a home where there was no, a lot of financial insecurity. And when I was 21 years old, I was like, I made a decision, I was on my own, I was, you know, out of college, I'm gonna support myself, and I gotta make some money, and I was promoting parties at nightclubs. My cousin owned some clubs, and I started promoting parties. And one night, you know, and I was like, oh yeah, I can totally do this, right? I can totally do this. I can get my girlfriends to say Gabby at the door, like 100%. But I, you know, I was like, I can do this. I can really give myself the ability to earn some money here. And then the first night I promoted the party, my cousin handed me $1,000 cash. And I was like, in that moment, I had a quantum shift. I said, I know how to make money, and I'm gonna keep making money. Well, that could have still happened, but I could have chosen to stay stuck in the belief system that it's not, you know, it's not easy to make money, and I'm gonna have financial insecurity for the rest of my life, and that no matter how much moments of money that would come into my life, I could have deflected it all. But that moment, I said, money is not my issue. I will be supported. I can, and I can make money. I know, I can make money. So, I guess the point is, is that in any instant, we can choose again, and that's a method in the book. We can choose again. And to, you know, to your language, it's a mental reconditioning. Talk to people about the choose again method.

The choose again method (49:25)

It's beginning to notice those fear-based belief systems or those feelings of unworthiness, as you said before, or the stories that we have on repeat, those negative thought systems that we have on repeat that keep us stuck all day long, right? And for some people, you've done a lot of personal growth work, and there's just one lingering one, or two or three lingering ones, and you recognize them, and the first step is to notice the thought, and notice how it makes you feel. Because when you recognize that it's not making you feel good, then you know you are out of alignment with your superattractor power, right? The second step is profound. It's to forgive yourself for having the thought. So, sometimes when we have that fear-based thought, we actually believe that we are the thought we are having. I am not worthy, I am not good enough, I am overweight, I'm a piece of shit, whatever it is, okay? And that's a big one, I hear people say, "I think I'm a piece of shit, how horrible is that?" That's when I carry, I still work on it. I may really am. And so, forgive yourself for having that thought, and when you forgive yourself for having the thought, what happens is that you can now recognize that the forgiveness dissolves it, because it makes you realize that I am not that. I am not that person that's unworthy. I forgive that, I forgive that belief system about myself, or you can forgive the thought altogether. And the third step is to choose again. And this is where you start to reach for the next best feeling thought. And so, when you're stuck in a low vibe thought of, "I'm sick and I can't get well," and then you forgive yourself for having the thought, "Oh God, I went there again, let's return this around." And then you start to reach for the next best feeling thought you would reach for, "Well, I have access to podcasts about health." Or, "I do have some awareness about diet, and I'm gonna be able to read that free ebook that so-and-so put up, and that ebook will put me on the right path." And these little thoughts that you believe in start to guide you out. And the more we proactively practice these three steps, the more we literally change the way we believe. - Yeah, that to me is so profound that you can actively choose to think different things, and that in thinking different things that changes the way that you actually feel, I think that cycle is really, really important.

Where to find more from Gabby (51:34)

Where can they find out more about you? - gabuburnsting.com. Nice and easy, nice and straightforward.

Gabby'S Global Impact

Her impact on the world (51:54)

What is the impact that you wanna have on the world? - It's a big one. - I like this one. - Yeah, yeah. Well, there's a little backstory for one second about it. So I'm working really, really working to relieve myself from trauma, and be free, be truly free. And I said to my therapist, I said, "I don't think that 99% of people can get through this." And it's kind of like what you were saying, like 90% of people don't actually have that success that you want for them. And I don't think that 99% of people, and she said 99.9% of people don't get through this. And my impact is to help create systems and help people face their shame and write books to help people truly begin to heal from traumatic experiences that have dictated their lives. - I love that. It's interesting 'cause Deepak Chopra actually referred to your book, he didn't say instruction manual, but that was sort of the intimation, which I like a lot. All right guys, definitely check this out. If I love this, she called herself a translator. If she is translating things in a way that makes sense to you, you will love everything she has written. It is very clear, very articulate, step by step, tells you what to do, how to do it. It's all about helping you get the life that you want, waking up, she's referred to it many times, is being that, of seeing a world, a new realizing that you have choices. It's incredibly powerful. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. - So I'll be, thank you, that was wonderful. - So if someone is having fear or panic or worry, get to, when was the first time you felt this way? What was really going on in your life at that time? To show them that that's not what's happening now. [ * * * * * * * * * *